Things to do at My Funeral when I’m Dead

(Note to my parents:  I know you think I am macabre at times, but this title was inspired by a movie called “Things to do in Denver when You’re Dead.”  I was shooting for “clever” not “upsetting.” K? xoxo)

We’re taking a whimsical look at death and funerals today at Her Family Blog.  It’s a subject you may not like, but we cannot escape it.  We mourn lost loved ones every day and one day they will mourn us.  Regardless of your faith or after life beliefs, we all will one day draw our last physical breath on this earth.  I move that we all participate in the biggest collective  paradigm shift ever and just decide that death is okay and funerals are fun.  I think Dr. Dyer and Stephen Covey would both approve.

I have an amazing free spirited friend named Leslie* (name not changed to protect the innocent because she is far from innocent and I think would like the shout out) :-)  She asked me today if it would be appropriate to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral.  How would you have answered that question?

Considering funerals are a somber, dignified occasion at which to pay your respects to the recently deceased before you say goodbye and send them off, it may not seem “respectful” to show up without your shoes.  If that is what you were thinking, shame on you!  Leslie’s friend was a huge fan of being barefoot. It would be disrespectful to mandate shoes at her funeral.  I hope they bury her without any shoes, in fact.  If we are talking about being “respectful” and honoring the deceased, why should the big send off be orchestrated according to “the norm” or following any society standards?  If she loved being barefoot so much why should she have to enter the great unknown wearing foot covering when you know given the choice, she’d go barefoot?

So I advised Leslie to forget what’s appropriate and leave her shoes at home.  Then it got me thinking about my own funeral.  Yesterday when I was talking to her Leslie was making vegetable pizza to take for folks to eat after the service.  I really like vegetable pizza and have made it for many occasions that I hosted.  I hope she brings it to my funeral.  I should ask her ahead of time.  What else would I like?

• Please bury me in black.  Not because it’s funeraly, but because I still want to take advantage of its slimming affect.  It’s the last time you’ll see me and I want to look hot.  Even though I will hopefully be 110.
• I love my Tiffany’s necklace, but don’t bury me in it.  No jewelry or anything of material value at all please.  In fact, if any of my girlie treasures end up in any hands other than my daughter or nieces, I will come back to make it right.
• If you like black, you can wear it too.  Vamp it up, even, think of it as a cocktail party or New Year’s Eve event.  But if you prefer another color, such as lime green like the color of your VW bug, you better wear it.  You know who you are.  Just please, regardless of your color palette, no one upstage me.  It’s MY funeral, not yours.
• If you must send me off from a church, go ahead.  I’ll give you that one.  I acknowledge that you will be grieving and in need of comfort so if you can find one that will take me and permit my wishes, you have my blessing.
• No preaching.  You can do that on Sunday.  Take turns telling kind, loving, funny stories about me.  I love to hear about myself so that will be the best way to honor me.  Make sure someone says a comforting prayer, though, for all the peeps in attendance who miss me.
• My song list may change between now and the big day, but these are non negotiable and should be the only somber times of the event as I give my last lecture.  In honor of me, you have to let me have the last word with these tunes.

1. IF I CAN DREAM (Elvis) My all time fave.  Listen to it, learn it, live it.
2. PURPLE RAIN (Prince) My grand apology for every mistake I made.  They were born of the the best intentions.
3. THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND (Madonna) My reflective moment as I say goodbye.
4. AS I LAY  ME DOWN (Sophie B. Hawkins) For some reason reminds me of Mama Shirl and chokes me up on the rare occasion I hear it.  May it have the same affect on you.

• Those most affected by my passing at the time of the occurrence get to plan the wake.  Make it as long as you like and  make it fun.  My Moms wake was so  much fun for me,  hugging and visiting with so many people I hadn’t seen in ages.  The energy was amazing.  So make sure you take advantage of the occasion to catch up with people you love.  I will love watching that.
• No cell phones, netbooks, or pdas allowed.  I love texting as much as the next gal but I would like your undivided attention just this once.  You can Facebook and Twitter my funeral party later.   On second thought… Twittering the whole shin dig would be cool!
• This is most important.  It’s okay to cry all you need to, but make sure you laugh more and leave feeling good, however you need to accomplish it.
• Instead of having a big dinner afterward, please rent a hall or something, get a dj and have a big party, like a wedding reception.  In fact, plan the whole day accordingly and dance til midnight.  Or dawn.  Play cards. Eat veggie pizza, bowtie caesar pasta,  and cheesy potatoes.  Nobody gets to watch their carbs at my funeral.  Another non negotiable thing.

So that’s it for my funeral.  You are almost looking forward to it, right?  My point is, why does a funeral have to be stuffy and sad?  And why do rules have to be followed that allegedly honor the deceased?  The best thing you can do to honor your passing loved ones is to stay true to you and them.  As a daughter saying goodbye to her mother it lifted my spirits to the heavens to watch my Aunts sneaking make up and hair supplies into the wake to fix Mom’s hair and face to be more true to her.  And the few people who had the boldness to drop quarters in her casket and into the ground at the burial… I knew how much they loved her and shared her joy of the slots.  I hope my loved ones honor me in the most kind, loving, unconventional and inappropriate ways that they know I would appreciate.

Well?  What do you think?  Would you now advise Leslie to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral?  Or are you still a supporter of convential mourning?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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