Monthly Archives: April 2008

Protecting Your Family Part 1

Posted on by

When it comes to protecting your family, several things come to mind.  However, is securing health insurance one of them?  Take a look at this blog and share your thoughts.My thoughts on this matter are that while every family should work toward securing health insurance for themselves, I know how hard it is.  With the incredible cost of premiums, insane deductibles and co-payments, it is very hard.

I am part of just one of millions of families that do not have any health coverage in place.  Coming from the low-income working middle class family means that while I know I need it, food is more important.  I do qualify for state health coverage for my son, and I do utilize it.  Thankfully, being young as I am, I do need medical care often, but what I am to do when it happens?

I broke my foot in 2004, when my son was just 11 months old.  I was rendered nearly useless, and racked up over $700 in debt from the emergency room, the x-ray techs, and all the other stuff.  Is this debt still there?  Yes!  Well, a portion of it is, anyway.

The sad thing is that when I carried health insurance ($247 a month for a family of three, provided by my husband’s employer), the one time I actually wanted to use it, the deductible and co-pay was more expensive than outright purchasing the medication!

With the hectic nature and confusion that sounds health insurance coverage, it is no wonder that many of us do not have it, and those who do cannot utilize it to the extent it should be used to actually help them.  That being said, I can offer this advice.

  • Research the provider. Make sure you understand the ins and outs of coverage, and limitations.
  • Get what you can afford. Something isn’t always better than nothing as my case demonstrates though, so that’s where research comes in.
  • Save cash for medical expenses when you can, and however much you can in lieu of coverage.

Share your health insurance coverage stories below!

Combating Sibling Rivalry

Posted on by

Chances are as a parent, you deal with sibling rivalry issues on a daily basis. That is, unless you are one of the few that have one child. Well, as stressful as it is, every family with more than one child has handled it before. It does not matter how many children there are, the sex of the children, or the age difference between any of them. Sibling rivalry is going to happen no matter what you do to prevent it; but there are ways you can combat the issues, and maybe, if you are lucky, even lessen them.Here are some suggestions for combating the sibling rivalry issues.There are three main rules that you should set and stick to with your children. These rules are simple, and therefore should be easy to understand. If they are not obeyed, it is up to you to handle it in a manner that will allow the children to see why the rules are in place. One of the major issues of sibling rivalry is equality, so these rules need to be followed by both children, and enforced for both in the same manner.


1. Neither child should be allowed to make fun of or hurt the other. This rule is one that you cannot let slide. Absolutely no exceptions should be allowed.
2. The older child should not be allowed to tease the younger child, for any reason.
3. The younger child, should not be allowed to provoke or antagonize the older child, for any reason.

 Many sibling rivalry battles start because of an attack from one child on the other, and go from there. If the children understand that they cannot start or retaliate on an attack, you are less likely to have problems. With both of the children listening, explain the rules, and the reasons for the rules. Make sure each child understands why the rules are in place, as well as what happens if they are broken. Also, make sure that the older child understands any reasons for differences in punishment for disobeying the rules. For instance, 10 year old Ronnie may get his games taken away, whereas 4 year old Joe is simply too young to understand the same punishment. If Ronnie believes that Joe is getting away with too much, this may lead to more conflict. If each child understands the reasons to the best of their own capabilities, you will be better off. Allow the children to ask for clarification, and for specifics. This will help them feel like they have a say in the matter, and will solidify for you that they know and understand.

Teaching your children about the values of family bonds, and making them see that they are there to help each other, rather than to hinder or annoy each other, is an integral part of the solution. Depending on the age difference between the children, this can be difficult. Chances are it will be years before the children see just how right you are, so be patient.

Set examples. Children often learn by what they see, so it is important for you to show them conflict resolution skills, and options for dealing with the conflict. For instance, if a child creates a problem for the other, who wants to stay out of trouble, the child needs to know what is acceptable for handling the situation without necessarily putting the sibling in trouble with you. If child one starts something, and child two runs to you to stop it, child one’s resentment will skyrocket and create more issues later on if he or she feels as though child two was responsible for the punishment they got.

While sibling rivalry will exist regardless of your efforts, and will put you at your wits end from time to time, all that matters is your effort. Try different methods of conflict resolution and find what works best for you and your family. Each child is different, and that is a major part of what makes the sibling rivalry issues difficult. Have you decided enough is enough? What are you going to do the next time your kids fight?

Let me leave you with a video clip of adult sibling rivalry that we can all giggle at. It doesn’t matter that it’s football related, or that it’s a sports commercial. It will give you a laugh!

Teaching Responsibility with Pets

Posted on by

456020_young_golden_retriever.jpgAll right, so you know that responsibility is a very important thing for a child to start learning, even at an early age. There are several different ways to teach your child responsibility, and one of the best ways to do it, is with pet ownership. If the idea of a pet startles you, relax, because there are more options than you may think.Consider your limitations, and go from there. For instance, if you do not have a lot of money to spare on the purchase of a pet, or the landlord will not allow them—you will have to go for something different than your standard cat or dog. Research your options based on your situation, and when you have settled on something, even it is just a fish, you will have your new teaching method!Children will learn responsibility through the care of the animal. Choose something that they can handle. You would not want a four year old to be solely responsible for the care of a puppy, but he can play a role. Allow the child to take part in feeding, bathing (if required) and overall general care of the animal, but remember: do not ask too much of the child, be prepared to pick up whatever slack the child may leave, and do not take the fun out of it. Reward your child in small ways for remembering to take care of his responsibilities, and when he or she does not, remind him of the consequences. For example, if Sarah doesn’t feed her fish, the fish will get sick. Tell her that a sick fish is not the pet she wants or needs, and her compassion for keeping the animal healthy will entice her to remember to feed it. Punishing the child for forgetting, however, is not recommended at a young age. Think back to when you potty trained—lots of hugs for job well done, and a try again next time for an accident.

Starting small with the responsibility you place on the child will help the child see that as he or she grows, so will his or her level of responsibility. Play on their eagerness to be a “big kid” to engage them in as much as you can. It is imperative to the child’s character and well-being to handle responsibility. You want your child to be able to handle heavy loads of responsibility when he or she has no choice but to accept it, of course. A pet is certainly a more way of teaching responsibility than using standard household chores that is for sure!

Regardless of the pet choice, and the reason for the choice, you really have a great mechanism for teaching your child many values, and you are giving them a friend! Make them happy with a new friend, and rest easy knowing that you are shaping your child into an amazing person.

Why not take a trip to the pet store and let them look around with you, right now?  Share your early pet experiences (good, and bad) with all of us!

Life Lessons and Reflections

Posted on by

Rather than giving you something to read today, I thought I would share my blog entry via a podcast.

My personal life over the past month or so has led me to do some soul searching, and this is what I came up with. Originally written as a private journal entry, I decided that maybe my thoughts and feelings could help other people in the same soul searching situations.

To listen, click the link below, and share your thoughts by commenting. Assure me that am at least a bit intelligent!

First Blog Podcast: Life Lessons and Reflections

Riding the Relationship Rollercoaster

Posted on by

There comes a time in every relationship where the strings are pulled, and each spouse is put to the test. Many things can cause tension in a marriage or domestic partnership; and regardless of the initial onset of the tension that may lead to the end—you must step back, take a deep breath in, and be thankful for what you have.

Remember, as a parent—you have to be the best you can be, before you can be the parent your children need you to be. If this means taking a break from life for a few minutes longer than you normally would, or more often than normally would, so be it. Someone in your life will help you take the step back, and the break you need in order to approach the relationship issues that are likely eating you alive.

There are some people who advocate staying together for the children; and, while I am not praising separation and divorce, sometimes, this truly is the best option for the family. In saying this, I am advocating doing anything and everything in your power to correct the problem that brought you to this point in your lives together until you honestly feel as though you are helpless in the matter. Certain situations will not allow for this flexibility; and if you feel danger or harm—remove the family from the situation in a safe, healthy manner.

Everyone in the family will feel the stress, pain, and tension that your relationship is currently under. Bare this in mind as you move through your daily routine, and remember the severity factor of this emotion will vary for each family member. Treat your children as normally as you would at any other time, but allow them in on the appropriate amount of information for their age and maturity—to maintain family bonds and family unity while you work through the turmoil.

Work through the issues with care, and ease. Nothing will instantly make the issues disappear, as nothing instantly brought the issues to light or created them in the first place. No matter what you do, and where you end up in the end of the crisis; focus on your family. Open the lines of communication and find each other rather than shutting each other out. In deciding to work through it, follow through. In deciding to part ways, work out civil plans for continuing to parent your children, together, as much as possible.

Though we never desire the end of a tremendous love—you must take it all as a life lesson, along with the frame of mind that everything happens for a reason. The children may raise hell, you may feel like your world is crashing and you are dying inside, and you may not see how you will get through it. But, with time, your children will grow, mature, and understand why that course of action was taken—as will you.

Take a look at this video with some successful relationship advice.

Please share your thoughts and feelings regarding the various aspects of distressed relationships, with all of us below. All advice for coping and moving through the issues is welcome—we could help each other more than we realize!

The Dating Contract

Posted on by

In continuing with my discussion of marriage, relationships, and potentially facing the end of those…I found an interesting article on MSN that I would like to bring to your attention to today.

The article can be read here.

It caught my attention because it said, “Be the Perfect Girlfriend” and while I know there is no such thing, I just had to see what it was about. The premise is that rather than creating a legal document to secure what to do in the end of marriage or relationship (the pre-nuptial agreement), that you should approach creating the ideal relationship with a legal document, or the Dating Contract.

While it is really meant to be satirical, it makes sense to me. Legally binding, not really a necessity; however, the idea behind it is something that many of us discuss…what we want, and what we need from a relationship should we choose to move it from dating to exclusive or past that level, even. However, this “contract” allows us to clearly spell out and understand both parties from the get go. You know how we all say that the opposite sex is confusing, right? Well, eliminate the confusion and mixed signals, with this!

Now, am I saying that you need one? Am I saying to use one? No, definitely not! It would make you the laughing stock of the dating world, for sure. What I am saying is, read the article, and pay attention to it. Use it as a guide to help you shape and refine your own relationship—and make your “contract” a verbal one!

Regardless of where you stand in your relationship status wise… it is always a good thing to step back and re-evaluate their desires and needs in a relationship. Things happen…life happens, which will have a tremendous affect on any relationship at any time…and that is why this re-evaluation period, with plenty of open communication is necessary.

Perhaps this “contract” can be a source of initiating the conversation that will re-introduce the spark you need to prevent further damage to your marriage or serious, committed relationship. Move from this article (email it to your spouse as a loving joke) to how it relates to the two of you in a face to face conversation and see where it takes you!

Earth Day Awareness and Activities

Posted on by

Okay, so I know this week was supposed to be about relationships, and divorce (coping with, avoiding, and handling it with your family) but in celebration of Earth Day today, I had to break the depressing tone, and share with you some tips, tricks, and ideas for how to celebrate and teach your family about Earth Day.

This is the perfect time to introduce your family to recycling, and cleaning up the area around them. Teach them about conservation, and how they can play a role in making the environment a cleaner, safer place for all of us.

Let them use the computer to make signs to post around the house to remind people to place their trash in the appropriate recycling bins (that they can also decorate), to remind people to turn off the water and lights when not in use, etc.

Remember, we should celebrate and cherish the Earth all year long, but this day is especially important. You can encourage your children to organize a clean up of a local park, or lake. Not only will this do wonders for thier self esteem and importance, but it will help a cause that needs all the help it can get!

Check out this website for more ideas on fun Earth Day Activities, and share what you do each year below.

Working on your Marriage

Posted on by

With or without children, your marriage is something that you should hold sacred to your heart. Of course, when you have children withMarriage your spouse, this becomes incredibly more important. We all know that your marriage will never stay as perfect and right as it seemed on day one, and before you run from each other screaming divorce and communicating with one another via lawyers, here are some things you can do to bring back the flame that appears to be dying out.

Communicate with each other. This is often the cause, along with the solution. When you stop communication between each other, on any level, in any form, it begins to place a wall in front of you that is much harder to break down than it was to create. Always take time to discuss more than your daily life and plans; and make sure that you are discussing long term hopes, goals, dreams, needs, and desires. If you are not being met with the desired response, or the affect is much different than you had hoped, refer to point four below, and change your approach.

Never go to bed angry, or fight in your bedroom. The bedroom is your area with your spouse. Do not desecrate it with the bad vibes of anger, resentment or sadness. If you retreat there to bicker away from the children, change it. Go to the car, or wait until the children are sleeping and fight in the living room! Going to bed angry is bad for you on multiple levels. It leaves unsolved business at the end of your day to face you in the morning, may cause bad dreams, and is just not good for your health. Agree to disagree so the two of you can sleep peacefully, and handle it civilly the next day; or, stay up and work through it until the issue is solved.

Make time for each other. Just as you need time individually, and with your family, the two of you will need time alone together. Make this time happen. One weekend a month, get a sitter. One weekend a month, reserve for each of you to care for the children while the other goes out alone with friends, and the remaining weekend spend together as a family. This creates a sense of balance and equality that you need. If sitters are impossible, use the time you have together in the evenings after the children go to bed, or during the day while the children are at school to the fullest extent.

Learn and know when to back off. Do it when you have to. It’s easy to get fired up and to continue pushing buttons to escalate an argument rather than to stop it. Read your partners signals, and learn when enough is enough. Stop all communication until the two of you can be civil, and know your limitations. Learn to communicate those limitations to your spouse, and respect them equally.

Seek professional counseling. This one is met with resistance more often than not, but if you and your spouse need it, there is absolutely no shame in it. Going to counseling together is a sign that both of you are willing to make everything work, and that you are willing to take the help you can get. Remember that it is not permanent, and you may come away from it closer than you were before you started seeing the issues that brought you there in the first place.

No one is perfect. The most important thing to remember is your health, and safety, along with the health and safety of your family. If you are in a dangerous situation, by all means get out! However, if this is just one of those times that you know you and your spouse can work through, pour the effort you would otherwise spend tearing each other down, into building yourselves back up!

Photo Credit: Pics.am

YouTube Divorce

Posted on by

As a beginning to my blog mini-series on Divorce and how to handle it with your spouse and children, I thought I would show you this crazy video that is all the hype on YouTube. Check it out below, and share your thoughts. I’m quite sure you have probably seen it on the news, and I am floored. I suppose the news of an impending divorce and end to a wonderful life that you have built with someone brings incredible emotion; yet still, is this how to handle it? Beware, this is a bit strange, and she is fairly blunt!

Here’s a response from her husband’s lawyer: (Please do not watch in front of your children, as the dialogue is not appropriate in any means!!)

Ludacris, is it not? I just had to share this because I am flabbergasted at the lengths some will go to destroy one another in the midst of the hard times!

Share your thoughts below, and over the next week or so, look for more divorce and separation topics. I hate to be a pessimist, but it happens every day in this country, and is something we must face.

To the Parents of Toddlers

Posted on by

Sometimes to avoid doing my homework (so is the peril of a senior college student online), or cleaning my house (so is the peril of an overworked, tired woman) after my son has politely informed me that he is tired of playing with me for the day, I like to read other people’s blogs.

 Of course, I usually stick to my topics of interest, or family related topJoeics, so as to generate ideas for my own future posts, and to assure myself that I am not truly crazy.  Other parents are out there like me, going crazy at various little things that “normal” people find…amusing, to say the least.

So today, I just absolutely had to share a wonderful blog that I stumbled upon that discusses toddler buying power.  The author does a great job analyzing the minds of our young ones when he says that they study us, and learn to manipulate us into getting their desires, even if it takes a while.

Several interesting points come to mind as you read this entry, and you begin to think that you are being watched by the government as you sit and watch your children’s actions.  Maybe I am crazy for being able to identify with this author, but as I think about it… my son is really good at getting what he wants, and to him, it does not matter what reaction he stimulates from Mommy, as long as it is a reaction.

You guys know what I am talking about… when they are quietly playing in their room so you can work, and you ask if they are hungry.  They say no, so you go on with your tasks, to have them interrupt 5 minutes later pleading their starvation case, and begging for the most difficult thing to prepare in your cabinets.  So in an effort to pacify your child and avoid charges of neglect by the local DSS, you offer alternatives, because you know in the end, the child will not like what you give them.  After a 30 minute battle (any shorter and you are lucky) you offer your meal, and the child says, “Never mind, I’m not hungry.”  Or, “No!  I don’t want that!” all to elicit that reaction from you!

I have stopped those battles, for the most part by politely informing my son that the law requires I feed him, but it does not require that I please him.  He of course does not understand, but it makes me laugh to see the look on his face!  :)  I know in my heart I’m not going to let the child starve, but it’s a great way to play his own game!  He caves, eats, and we go on with our day.

Take a look at the blog here, and tell me if I just made myself sound certifiable!

 And by the way, that adorable little tot you see there, is my son about a year and a half ago.  It just seemed to fit the toddler persona I addressed, so I couldn’t help myself!