Combating Sibling Rivalry

Chances are as a parent, you deal with sibling rivalry issues on a daily basis. That is, unless you are one of the few that have one child. Well, as stressful as it is, every family with more than one child has handled it before. It does not matter how many children there are, the sex of the children, or the age difference between any of them. Sibling rivalry is going to happen no matter what you do to prevent it; but there are ways you can combat the issues, and maybe, if you are lucky, even lessen them.Here are some suggestions for combating the sibling rivalry issues.There are three main rules that you should set and stick to with your children. These rules are simple, and therefore should be easy to understand. If they are not obeyed, it is up to you to handle it in a manner that will allow the children to see why the rules are in place. One of the major issues of sibling rivalry is equality, so these rules need to be followed by both children, and enforced for both in the same manner.

1. Neither child should be allowed to make fun of or hurt the other. This rule is one that you cannot let slide. Absolutely no exceptions should be allowed.
2. The older child should not be allowed to tease the younger child, for any reason.
3. The younger child, should not be allowed to provoke or antagonize the older child, for any reason.

 Many sibling rivalry battles start because of an attack from one child on the other, and go from there. If the children understand that they cannot start or retaliate on an attack, you are less likely to have problems. With both of the children listening, explain the rules, and the reasons for the rules. Make sure each child understands why the rules are in place, as well as what happens if they are broken. Also, make sure that the older child understands any reasons for differences in punishment for disobeying the rules. For instance, 10 year old Ronnie may get his games taken away, whereas 4 year old Joe is simply too young to understand the same punishment. If Ronnie believes that Joe is getting away with too much, this may lead to more conflict. If each child understands the reasons to the best of their own capabilities, you will be better off. Allow the children to ask for clarification, and for specifics. This will help them feel like they have a say in the matter, and will solidify for you that they know and understand.

Teaching your children about the values of family bonds, and making them see that they are there to help each other, rather than to hinder or annoy each other, is an integral part of the solution. Depending on the age difference between the children, this can be difficult. Chances are it will be years before the children see just how right you are, so be patient.

Set examples. Children often learn by what they see, so it is important for you to show them conflict resolution skills, and options for dealing with the conflict. For instance, if a child creates a problem for the other, who wants to stay out of trouble, the child needs to know what is acceptable for handling the situation without necessarily putting the sibling in trouble with you. If child one starts something, and child two runs to you to stop it, child one’s resentment will skyrocket and create more issues later on if he or she feels as though child two was responsible for the punishment they got.

While sibling rivalry will exist regardless of your efforts, and will put you at your wits end from time to time, all that matters is your effort. Try different methods of conflict resolution and find what works best for you and your family. Each child is different, and that is a major part of what makes the sibling rivalry issues difficult. Have you decided enough is enough? What are you going to do the next time your kids fight?

Let me leave you with a video clip of adult sibling rivalry that we can all giggle at. It doesn’t matter that it’s football related, or that it’s a sports commercial. It will give you a laugh!