Today I am grateful…

… for night time jumping on the trampoline and catching lightning bugs with the kids Saturday night.

… for the potted fresh mint plant that came back this summer and tasted yummy in my Mojito!

… for lazy Sunday lunch at Rainforest Cafe and seeing new Indiana Jones movie.

What are you grateful for today?

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 Tips for Organizing Chore Lists and Age Appropriate Tasks

Routines and chore charts are important tools that helps maintain harmony in a household because everyone knows what is expected of them.  I learned that from Supernanny.

I love Nanny Jo.  I wish she was my friend and we could have tea once a month so she could share techniques with me and point out where she notices I have been slacking.  Every family I know could use a week spent with her, including myself.  Your family doesn’t have to be out of control to benefit from tips for improvement because there is always room for improvement, right?

Hubby and I have debated chore charts because he feels it is bossy and disconnected (lacking in warmth) to have things written down and checked off, as if I am assigning tasks at work.  After months of unsuccessful verbal chores assigning, he was ready to try chore lists.  I like chore lists because…

Kids are kids and they naturally get distracted or forget what they were supposed to be doing.  It is much easier for them to complete tasks that they can see written down.

• It allows the kids to work independently and gain a sense of responsibility.
• Crossing off the chore upon completion creates a feeling of accomplishment. 
• It is a good practice to get into to carry through life as they get older, get jobs, and have responsibilities. 
• As a bonus, you are able to get you work done without having to constantly nag, "did you make your bed?" "…brush your teeth?" "…take out the trash?"

The toughest part of assigning chores is probably who does what.

• There may be a bit of guilt involved in the beginning if you feel like you’re "pawning work off" on your kids, but remember, this is preparing them for the future. 
• You may be unsure of which jobs are appropriate for which ages.

So here is some help.  Torn right from the pages of Nanny Jo’s handbook are some guidelines for assigning chores.

Toddlers and preschoolers are the perfect age to introduce chores although you may be reluctant to do so.  At this age kids are so excited to help so let them!  But keep in mind, the goal here isn’t really for them to get a whole lot done, but to teach them about responsibility and start good habits. 

• Making beds: Get your toddler to help pull up the covers; your preschooler can probably make her bed by herself.
• Picking up toys: It helps if they have one large toy box to throw them into.
• Dusting: Young children love doing this, especially if they get to use a proper ‘tool’ such as a duster! As a precaution, keep the furniture polish out of the equation if your kids are helping.
• Carrying laundry to the wash basket: Get your child his own small laundry basket and train him to throw his dirty clothes in there at bedtime… thereby avoiding him picking up the traditional teen habit of leaving his socks to rot under the bed!
• Fetching the post or the newspaper: Restrict this chore to sensible preschoolers and keep a close eye on your child if he has to cross the road to get to the mailbox.

Six to Twelve Year Olds can do a lot more than we often give them credit for.  They may not be as eager to help as the little ones but when things are all said and done, they feel that same sense of pride that comes along with a job well done.  In addition to the tasks above, put them to work on the following…

• Washing the car: Although you should mix up any detergent yourself
• Vacuuming or sweeping any hard floors: Older kids can mop, but supervise if there are any younger siblings who could slip if your tween doesn’t wring out the mop sufficiently.
• Walking the dog or generally helping to take care of pets: including brushing them and giving them food and water.
• Preparing after-school snacks: such as a drink of milk and a bowl of crisps or some fruit.
• Setting the table: and fixing drinks for themselves and younger siblings.
• Helping in the yard: by weeding, raking leaves and watering plants.

Teenagers…

• Washing windows: Avoid using chemical window washers: a dash of vinegar in water rubbed on and buffed off with rolled-up newspaper will do the job.
• Doing the laundry: They should be able to load up the washing machine, add detergent and start a wash cycle.
• Taking out the rubbish: and any recycling boxes that need to be emptied.
• Mowing the lawn: with a push mower until you’re sure they can handle a ride-on.
• Cooking a simple meal: such as toast or a pasta salad.

There will certainly be times that our kids do not want to do their chores.  Be careful with this.  Our nature may be to give them the day off and excuse them, they are just kids after all.  The problem is it can easily become a habit, and whereas your motivation is extending love and understanding, the lesson being taught is how not to fulfill your responsibilities and obligations. 

I have not yet found a chore chart that I really like. Currently I make a new list every day but am not really happy with it. If anyone has a good chart that they use I would love to see it!

With the boys gone to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a few days, the girls have had the run of the house. Not much has been different other than we don’t eat as much when they are not here and the house has stayed cleaner. It has been pretty much business as usual with me alternating between writing and cleaning, and Sari alternating between swimming at the neighbor’s and bawling of boredom. We decided last night that we needed some fun!

I have come to enjoy splitting up with Hubby taking one kid and me keeping another. I miss them, but I enjoy the one on one time, just like I enjoy my time out with Hubby away from the kids.

Sarah and I have had interesting conversation we would not have had with the boys around.

“Mom, I think it is a disgrace that the real word for my tootie is “furCHINA”. “Why is that Sweetie?” “Because that is where they make the cheap toys that make kids sick! Disgraceful!”

Deep thoughts were pondered.
“Mom, can I have a Dr. Pepper with some of these Reese’s Pieces?”
“No. Too much sugar. Have some water.”
“Ma, what if all my baby fat is gone and this is just plain ol’ fat?”
“Plain ol’ fat doesn’t grow on kids. You are perfect.”
“Then why does my chubs hang out of my bathing suit and Autumn’s doesn’t?”
“It is a flaw in the design of the bathing suit. All bodies are different. You look great. How do you feel?”
“Great.”
“See? You’re perfect.”
“Then why can’t I have that Dr. Pepper?”

We turned our brains to mush together.
“Mom! Zack Efron is on Zack and Cody marathon all night long! Wanna stay up?”
“Absolutely! I’ll turn the bed down and you tune in the TV!”

Experiments were made.
“I’m going to try and stay up all night until tomorrow. Can I?”
“Sure. Why not?”
10 minutes later.
“ZZZZzzzzzzzzz”

I have enjoyed every minute of hum drum usualness with my daughter while Dad and Brother have been gone. Last night though, we went out on the town. We got all dressed up and went to see KUNG FU PANDA at the IMAX. We skipped dinner to save room for popcorn and slushies and raced eachother to the top row of the theatre.

The movie is so fun… Jack Black is fantastic and we cracked up for 90 minutes straight, then danced out of the theatre together singing, EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING.

Every bit of the evening from the food, to the racing, and staying up late is not the norm, which made it all the more special to my daughter.

Then we bonded as we turned off Zack and Cody that night to fall asleep.
“Ma. Were you dreaming about me when you found me? Because I dreamed of you finding me my whole life.”

Now that, my fellow Mommys, is a girl’s night out, would you agree?

Today I am grateful for no more late nights and homework meltdowns.

My 12 year old has ADHD. I know, I know. For some of you the verdict may still be out regarding whether or not ADHD is real. I bet tomorrow’s Ritalin that somebody is thinking I medicate my Son so he is easier to deal with. “He’s just a kid,” someone may say. All kids get distracted. Distracted yes, unable to focus from the beginning of the teacher’s sentence to the end, not the norm. Without constant prompts to my Son and communication with the teachers my Son would not be able to pass any grade, regardless of his age or how darn intelligent he is. Believe it or don’t. I’m really just here to celebrate NO MORE HOMEWORK! Yippeeeeee!

Here’s the thing about my Son. He is smart. He loves school and is crazy about his teachers. He comes home every day and talks about the cool stuff he learned in Science class and Social Studies. He reads a 300 page book in a matter of days and yes he comprehends it. I know because he tells me the story in l o n g and d r a w n o u t detail. (get my drift?) So what’s the problem? Without accommodation in class he flunks his tests because he can’t stay focused to finish it or gets overwhelmed by long questions or too many problems squeezed together. He also doesn’t turn in his homework assignments.

When I pick him up from school he is all smiles and reports having a great day. The minute he remembers he has homework to do he gets all rigid and grouchy if there is work to do in more than one class. It might just be finishing one math problem but he gets stressed out at the thought of multiple projects. The stress presents itself at each individual assignment too. Too many math problems on a page will set him into tears even if they are simple addition. He sees “no end in sight”. We picked up the trick of covering up some of the problems so he only sees a few at a time and he became a new kid.

That simple strategy of exposing only a few problems at a time made such a difference in doing his math homework that it is inspiring to adopt other strategies to help him succeed all around. Notice I said, “Help him succeed”. My enthusiasm for “support” and “strategies” is often criticized as “hand holding”. I am told that in the middle school he should be functioning on his own. I struggled with the school and the teachers all year long just to hold open the lines of communication so that I could make sure on my end that things were getting done and turned in.

I really don’t know where the line is drawn between requesting what is appropriate for an ADHD student and asking for special treatment. But I am actually ticked at myself for not putting more help in place from the first day of school and being more proactive in maintaining consistency of implementation, but next year will be different. I am seeking counsel from those experienced in ADHD in the classroom and exploring his rights as an ADHD student. Yes I am very busy getting ready for next year. And enjoying every evening WITHOUT homework!

Is there anybody out there struggling with homework and attitude from school? Do you have any good classroom strategies to share? I will be posting about strategies in the classroom as the new school year approaches and I will include your tips!

Getting proper nutrients for our young ones (and ourselves) when exploring a meatless diet.

My Daughter is my carbon copy. She wants to save everybody and everything. Lately she has been driving me a little nutso with all the talk she has been learning in school about global warming, cruelty to animals, recycling, and so on. Last week I was getting ready to fill the watering can and I was ignoring her plea to remove the live june bug that was trapped inside. I was in a hurry, had things to do. Way too many to turn my can upside down and save the poor critter. “Mom, when did you become a killer?” She cried. I stopped cold. It wasn’t just the act of bug cruelty I was about to commit, but the notion of me being “too busy”. Too busy to listen to my 8 year old’s thoughts on the condition of the planet. Too busy to implement her plans for making our house “green” one simple act at a time. And too busy to shake the bug out of my watering can despite her passionate plea.

That exchange opened my mind back up to a time when I had the “time” to care. Coincidentally, I saw the authors of the book SKINNY BITCH on the ELLEN show that day. The getting healthy aspect got my attention so I picked it up a copy. I was a mostly vegetarian in my 20s, purely for health reasons. It was never ethical. I knew the book was going to have some anti meat propaganda in it and I planned to just skim those sections and hit on the rest. As it turned out I was horrified, disgusted, and angered by what I learned. I haven’t had a piece of meat since and that was almost 2 weeks ago. I quit cold tofurkey.

Now my Daughter is loving this. She is not aware of the extent of the animal cruelty practiced at factory farms, but she is aware that we are eating “sweet creatures” and she doesn’t like it. I am allowing her to explore meatless options with me, although if she forgets and has a piece of pepperoni pizza I am not reminding her. I am proud of her kind spirit and convictions and am not going to make her feel like she let anyone or anything down.

People around us are naturally concerned, though, that she will not get proper nutrition. A common misguided belief, vegetarianism among children is even considered by some to be child abuse. I would say it’s more unhealthy to feed kids McDonalds on a regular with no addition of fruits and vegetables to their diets.

You certainly don’t need to eat meat or even dairy to get proper nutrition. Vitamins are lurking everywhere, you just need to know how to find them. Snatched straight from the SKINNY BITCHES here are some examples of where you can get your nutrients if you decide to go meatless.

• CALCIUM… broccoli, nuts, seeds, soybeans, and molasses.
• IRON… nuts, pumpkin seeds, beans, lentils, oatmeal, spinach, broccoli, peas, green beans, asparagus, and whole grains.
• MAGNESIUM… nuts, sunflower seeds, soybeans, molasses.
• The B vitamins… oatmeal, whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, soybeans, lentils, bananas, veggies, brown ride, wheat germ, bran and figs.
• Vitamin C… broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, green peppers, spinach, potatoes, grapefruits, oranges, papayas.
• Vitamin D… 15 minutes of direct exposure to sunshine!
• Vitamin E… whole grain cereals, whole wheat, nuts, sunflower seeds, leafy greens, vegetable oils.
• Zinc… wheat germ, whole grains, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, soybeans.

That’s not so hard, right? You can get almost everything you need with good fresh foods, nothing exotic, without even taking a supplement. The exception being B-12 which is only found in animal products so that is the one supplement needed.

Our young ones are so innocent and so inspiring. My Sari reminds me to be a better person every day. How do your young ones inspire you?

I am an only child and before my kids I had no insight whatsoever into sibling rivalry. After being subjected to Drew and Sari’s nonstop bickering I foolishly decided that brothers and sisters at that age just don’t like each other. I reminded them that family is to be treasured and that they need to look out for one another. I resigned to waiting it out until they figured it out. Until I found the note.

One day after the kids went to school I was cleaning Drew’s bedroom and I found some dollars on the floor. When I picked up his clear acrylic bank I saw a torn piece of notebook paper folded neatly and stuffed down the slot. Like any good Mother I popped out the rubber stopper and retrieved the paper. It said, “Don’t tell anybody but I really do love my sister. She is pretty cool.”

My heart was warmed! Drew had always blamed Sari for their situation because it was after her birth that they were removed from their biological home when he was 5 and put into the foster care system. I worried that his aggression toward her went beyond sibling rivalry and into someplace deep and sad. It may have in the beginning and may resurface in the future, but here was hope that he really did cherish her.

Not sure what the proper thing to do was, I shared with Drew that I read his note. I feel it is my job to snoop and be aware of everything in my kid’s lives, I don’t feel bad about that, but I thought I should let him know. I asked him if it was true that he was developing a soft spot for her. Unsure of what to expect, I was surprised and a little tickled when he said, “Yeah, it’s true Ma. You know, she’s just a little kid still. She doesn’t know how dumb she is.”

That was just about the sweetest thing I had ever heard. Do you remember how old you were before you stopped detesting your sibling?

Before I ever got pregnant I started thinking about what kind of mom I wanted to be. I knew one thing for sure, I did not want to breastfeed! All of the reasons not to danced through my head. It would hurt, I’d never get any sleep, and I’d never be able to leave the house because there was no way I could ever breastfeed in public. After all, I live in Florida and don’t feel comfortable wearing shorts. How would I ever be able to pop out a breast for everyone to see? Then a friend asked if I’d just think about it. Fine, Fine! I decided I could at least look into it so off I went in full research mode.
I looked up the La Leche League and found out there were classes in my area I could take to prepare as well as lactation consultants who could come after I had the baby if I had any trouble breastfeeding. When I got to the American Academy of Pediatrics I discovered they recommend mothers breastfeed exclusively for the first six months and supplement with food for the rest of the first year. Well that scared me! Didn’t babies have teeth before they were a year old? Then I read the World Health Organization recommends the same for the first six months but then encourages mothers to breastfeed for two years and suddenly one year wasn’t so bad. I also found out that breastfeeding for any amount of time was better than none.
Then another friend recommended So That’s What They’re For by Janet Tamaro and I was finally converted. She broke everything down in a funny, straight forward, non scary way that allowed me to put all of my research into perspective. Here are a few of the breastfeeding benefits for my baby that helped me make my decision to breastfeed.

• Breast milk has all the nutrients a baby needs and many that can’t be reproduced in a formula
• It is easier for the baby to digest
• Increased immunity

There are also benefits for me that come from breastfeeding!

• Nursing burns extra calories making it easier to lose weight
• Lowers the risk of breast cancer
• Lowers the risk of ovarian cancers

Looking back I can hardly believe I ever considered not breastfeeding and I’m so happy that I’ve been able to breastfeed. I love not having to fix a bottle when I’ve only had two hours of sleep. I love the way my baby snuggles in while he’s nursing. I love everything about it!
Here are a few websites to help you in your quest for more breastfeeding information.

www.llli.org

www.aap.org

www.who.int

Have you been trying to decide if you want to breastfeed or are you breastfeeding now? I’d love to hear about your experiences or answer any questions you’ve been wondering about!

Somebody help me! My daughter is growing up too fast!

My daughter will kill me for this post when she reads it but I am just so astonished over here that I have to share with my fellow Moms. I think my 8 year old Sari is already approaching puberty.

It all began around Christmas time. I noticed that all her frontal baby fat seemed to be forming shapes. Whereas she previously had one big round belly that started around her chest and went to about her waist, she seemed to getting boobs! On Christmas Eve she wore this beautiful soft sweater and PA DOW! There they were! Definite boobs. By the end of the night I convinced myself that it was just chubby rolls. She had put on a little weight, after all. I bought some camis for her to wear to smooth her out for school and tried not to think about it.

Somewhere between then and now came an emergence of boy talk and an increase in emotional outbursts. She’s always been tender hearted but sometimes lately she cannot make it through the most innocent of sentences without unexplainable tears popping out of her eyes. I would like to also blame the sassiness and fresh mouth on this but if I’m being honest, that’s always been one of her “qualities”. But what about this boy crazy business? She moons over boys at the baseball field when we go to watch her Brother’s games, and talks nonstop about some of the boys in her class. I have not related these things with the boobs issue until just recently.

For about the last 2 weeks her forehead has been peppered with acne. It started out reddish, inflamed looking and raw. I observed it for a few days and once I realized it wasn’t getting any better I hit the mommy forums. All fingers pointed to the same thing. Onset of puberty. Someone even said that the age range is 8 to 13 and that it has been that way for more than thirty years. This is ludicrous! Anyway, back to the acne. Treatment recommendations were all so similar I decided to give it a try before going to the doctor.

• Use of a gentle facial scrub morning and evening. We chose St. Ives gentle apricot scrub because it was mentioned a few times in different forums.
• Scrub followed up by an astringent for sensitive skin. Clean and Clear for Sensitive Skin is what we are using.
• End with a good moisturizer. The astringent is medicated and alcohol can be so drying so an oil free moisturizer is a must. We are using Cetaphil for its sensitive skin properties.

We mixed and matched products a bit but I found this to be a common treatment. Within a day the redness and inflammation was gone. Now it is mainly just white bumps which appear more or less obvious in different lighting and there seem to be fewer every day. She is due for her physical in a couple weeks and I am looking forward to hearing what the doctor has to say.

It is absolutely heart breaking to see my 8 year old daughter in the bathroom with a head band on, looking up close in the mirror, doing her daily skin care regimen. How can this be? Anybody else going through this? Anybody have any advice?

I joke a lot about how wild my kids are and how my Hubby is a ManChild. (A nickname lovingly bestowed upon him by my Dad who TRULY couldn’t love him more if he was his own son.) And although it is true that marriage and parenthood brought out a crankiness in me that I never knew existed, there is not a move I make on this earth that does not have the sole purpose at the root to maintain a happy house and grow happy kids.

A few examples would include

• When I accept another job it is not to further my career or get rich. It is to enrich my household in the form of summer vacation, extra curricular programs for the kids, movies at the IMAX (guilty pleasure), or extra spending after hours spent at Barnes & Noble devouring the shelves and filling our arms.
• When I begin yet another diet it is no longer to try and look good in a swimsuit. It is to have the energy to play ball and jump on the trampoline with my kids and to restore my confidence so that they don’t have to miss out on beach time because I am insecure.
• When I talk about my Mother, and tell the kids how she would have doted on them and spoiled them and hardly ever let them out of her sight if she’d had the opportunity to meet them before she passed, it is no longer to console me for needing her to help me be a good mom. But to make them feel the crazy love and specialness that every kid should feel.
• When I wake up Saturday morning and make the chore charts for the weekend that is SOOOO for me! But the bonus is it benefits them too and gives them a sense of independence and accomplishment.

The difficult part of this, for Moms in particular, is the danger of sacrificing everything that it is important to them on behalf of the family. Being a learn-it-the-hard-way sort, I went down this path and it is brutal and has the opposite affect of the desired outcome. My journey has taught me that I can put my kids above all else and still have some joy for myself. I mean look at my list, by thinking of my kids first, I actually have some pretty cool stuff put in place for me!

At tough times we might catch ourselves thinking our kids are ungrateful and supremely self centered. But in my experience, sacrificing to the point of near martyrdom did nothing to make my kids happy. It wasn’t until I figured out how to prioritize all four of us that my kids really started to blossom.

Which brings us full circle and proves that even by making time and allowing a few spoils for myself, I do so with the sole purpose of growing happy kids.

So Ladies, if you aren’t spoiling yourself at all, I am here to tell you that you are doing your family a disservice. And if you are spoiling yourself, Dish! What’s your favorite treat?!

Somewhere in our fantasy parent training manual of how to do and say all the right things to ensure the maximum confidence, esteem, and outlook on life potential, there would be a whole chapter on thinking on your feet. You only get one chance to answer a thoughtful question plaguing your child’s mind at that moment and you want it to be the right answer. One day into meeting my 7 year old (soon to be) adopted son, I was tested on that very thing.

As far as child development goes, Drew’s experiences had all been pretty crummy up to that point. This particular day was the start of the end of all that trauma, but that was too big for him to grasp.

At the end of our first day together, after his sister was already asleep, my up-to-that-point polite but standoffish young prince climbed into my lap. I was taken by surprise because although Sari had been calling me “mom” since the moment she met me, Drew was a little cold. Twiddling his fingers together and keeping his eyes on them as he did, he asked me, “How bad does a kid have to be before you will sale him?” Again, I was so surprised by the question that it took me a minute to realize that by “sale” he was referring to me selling him if he didn’t behave to my liking. It was actually a legitimate question considering the number of homes he had lived on and how many people in his short life had expected him to call them “mom”.

Without giving yourself time to think, what would you have said?

I am naturally a bit short on confidence myself, but somehow these words came out that made perfect sense. Without hesitation I told him, “Oh there will always be consequences for bad behavior, but this is your home now. No behavior or anything else will change that.”

Pretty good right? I am only patting myself on my back because I have always been the one who has a tender moment or a confrontation and goes speechless, then thinks later of the perfect comment. Five years later and I think I would still say the same thing if I had it to do over again. It felt right to me and I think it was we he needed to hear for his development and adjustment.

Now that you have had a few more minutes to think about it, how would you have answered? Have you been confronted by any biggies yet with your kids?