How Bad Does A Kid Have To Be Before You Sale Him?
Somewhere in our fantasy parent training manual of how to do and say all the right things to ensure the maximum confidence, esteem, and outlook on life potential, there would be a whole chapter on thinking on your feet. You only get one chance to answer a thoughtful question plaguing your child’s mind at that moment and you want it to be the right answer. One day into meeting my 7 year old (soon to be) adopted son, I was tested on that very thing.
As far as child development goes, Drew’s experiences had all been pretty crummy up to that point. This particular day was the start of the end of all that trauma, but that was too big for him to grasp.
At the end of our first day together, after his sister was already asleep, my up-to-that-point polite but standoffish young prince climbed into my lap. I was taken by surprise because although Sari had been calling me “mom” since the moment she met me, Drew was a little cold. Twiddling his fingers together and keeping his eyes on them as he did, he asked me, “How bad does a kid have to be before you will sale him?” Again, I was so surprised by the question that it took me a minute to realize that by “sale” he was referring to me selling him if he didn’t behave to my liking. It was actually a legitimate question considering the number of homes he had lived on and how many people in his short life had expected him to call them “mom”.
Without giving yourself time to think, what would you have said?
I am naturally a bit short on confidence myself, but somehow these words came out that made perfect sense. Without hesitation I told him, “Oh there will always be consequences for bad behavior, but this is your home now. No behavior or anything else will change that.”
Pretty good right? I am only patting myself on my back because I have always been the one who has a tender moment or a confrontation and goes speechless, then thinks later of the perfect comment. Five years later and I think I would still say the same thing if I had it to do over again. It felt right to me and I think it was we he needed to hear for his development and adjustment.
Now that you have had a few more minutes to think about it, how would you have answered? Have you been confronted by any biggies yet with your kids?
Related Posts
CRAYOLA ROCKS for Back to School Supplies and More!
. . . . . . . . . .
You answered really well, more pats from me too
“Oh there will always be consequences for bad behavior, but this is your home now. No behavior or anything else will change that.”
Such situations are really difficult to handle, because your words play an impact on your child’s mind.
Wow, you handled that very well on the fly! I am not sure what I would have said to such an unexpected question, but I hoped I would have answered in a away that lovingly reassured him that he couldn’t do anything to make me not love him, and at the same time know that I had high expectations for him.
Wow, after thinking for a few minutes, I still can’t come up with a better response than yours. Currently, we’re dealing with the topic of death with our 5 year old daughter. I wish I can say to her that everything is going to be alright in the end regarding death. But, since we don’t believe in God or religion, that’s very difficult. Anyway, thanks for the post.
Oh gosh, I am loving all these comments! Thanks you all for chatting with me!
CER— You are exactly right. I didn’t really even know it then, but they DO hang on to everything I say. They take things so literally and dissect them and put them back together for discussion later. I have not always been so “wise” since then. I have lost my cool, flipped my lid, and dropped a few curse bombs. It has definitely been “learn as you go” for me. And I have learned to be responsible with my words.
MARIA— Expectations, exactly! That has been a major part of our parenting plan. Our kids were older when we met them and they have been hurt so much that we just wanted to coddle them. But the most valuable thing I learned in the adoption classes was the importance to set expectations and consequences IN ADDITION to all the luvins!
FIFTY— Death is so difficult to discuss with our young ones, regardless of beliefs. All they know is someone was here one day and gone the next, and they are going to miss them. Good luck to you!