I Thought Parenting Was Supposed to Make Me a Grown Up!
I’ll be honest. I am more of a spoiled acting, ill tempered, short on patience bawl bag now that I have kids than I EVER was as a formerly kind, gentle, patient and cheerful only child. I am worn out. A friend and I were discussing being crazy the other day and admitted that I would be convinced that I have crossed over except that I am AWARE of it, and I am not sure if crazy is aware of crazy. She told me that what is making me crazy is that I expected parenthood to make me a grown up.
Hmph. I dated my husband for eleven years and this June will be our ninth wedding anniversary on top of that. I believe he has that gene that has caused him to decrease in age. Quite a contrast from my own wisdom and maturity. He had the nerve to one day announce that he felt like he was raising three children! I hit him on top of the head with the fly swatter and stormed off to my room with my hand held Mario brothers game, I was so flabbergasted.As a single, only child, living alone in my apartment I was very healthy and very wise. Oh yes. I was wise. I meditated every day, minded my karma, and kept my aura bright and clean. Not too hard to do when there is nobody or nothing around to challenge you! Looking back I would say that my first signs of regression may have appeared when Hubby and I first got married. I experienced for the first time something that I can only describe as “not getting my way”. Do you know what I mean by that?
Anyway, wise and healthy me persevered the learning to cohabitate period. But lately, I find myself very often wanting to throw myself backward on the floor and kick and punch and scream. Now of course I don’t because thankfully my regression has left my logic in tact and I realize I would hurt my back and likely not be able to get back up again. The tantrum would not be worth a day in bed and three more on high potency Motrin.
Before my friend’s comment, I had been concerned that that may be the only thing that keeps me from throwing a child like tantrum and reminds me to take some deep breaths until a smile comes to pass. “Use my words” I tell myself.
I can only imagine how frustrated my kids must get when they feel they are unjustly not getting their way. Given that they don’t fully grasp consequence and big picture, I gotta hand it to them for keeping it together like they do.
Maybe that is the reason I have been “gifted” with feelings of mounting tantrum. I mean, I was gifted with two beautiful children who conquered big challenges before we met and BOY do they have attitudes to show for it. So maybe my near tantrums are a super tool to give me a glimpse of what they are sometimes feeling inside.
I don’t think my friend knew she was making a life changing statement when she made that comment. Only by embracing my inner tantrum will I make MYSELF into a grown up. But what about all this “baby fat” I got back during my regression period. Anybody have any suggestions for that?!
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Hey, you wrote a post about me! “spoiled acting, ill tempered, short on patience bawl bag”! I’m 41 years old and still can act like a 2 year old not getting her way. Dated my husband for 8 years before we got married, and we’ll celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in two weeks. There are times when he practically puts me in time-out because I hate when everyone isn’t listening to ME. Me me ME! lol
Yes, becoming a parent doesn’t make us knowledgeable about parenting. Too bad.