Monthly Archives: June 2008

Engage Your Family in the Big Picture

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Boy, do my kids hate to do chores. So do I. But that explanation does not inspire them. You know what does? Information and a little excitement go a long way toward changing family attitudes and willingness to help.

As parents, we see the big picture. Build a career, do a good job, make money, and build a good life for the whole family to enjoy the opportunities that it presents. But seriously, that is just too big of a concept for our kids to grasp. It is also too boring to make it a lasting memory for next time chores come around.

Every family has a different big picture. My version goes something like this. Somehow it has already sunk into them that Dad’s income pays the bills and Mom’s money is for fun so I don’t have to include that when I am engaging my family in the big picture.

• Mom gets paid to write articles
• The more you help her out around the house the more writing assignments she can accept.
• The more assignments she completes the more money she makes.
• The more money she makes the more stuff we get to do in Orlando this summer.

At that point, depending on the mood, my kids might roll their eyes, as in, “we’ve heard this all before.” Now it is time to remind them how the reward feels. Before their eyes roll right out of their heads and they have a chance to insert the slightest negativity I go right into something like this, “Remember that time at Discovery Cove when we were snorkeling and you started screaming “Shark! Shark! Because you didn’t realize they were behind a window?” All eyes move toward the photo frame hall collage of fun times at Sea World and everyone smiles. lol. It engages them every time because they are good memories. That in itself is a reward for all of us to relive a moment together. Then they go on about their work in a good mood thinking about Sea World, rather than feeling like they have been sent off to work!

I stumbled onto this technique by mistake at the time that I was trying to start having a family game night. It seemed like work was always getting in the way. I found myself unable to ever say, “No” to an assignment because I just wasn’t getting the volume of work I wanted. Then I realized that it wasn’t that I couldn’t afford a night off to be with my family! It was that I wasn’t organized and at that point, I was doing everything on my own while Hubby and two kids sat back and “waited” for me to finish. That was definitely a “DUH!” moment!

I decided that I lost of big chunk of my work time in the mornings having to clean every room after I took the kids to school. I spent about 45 minutes every morning picking up pjs, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathrooms, putting up toys and making beds. I shared this with my family and we realized “together” that if everyone just picked up after themselves in the morning that would give me about three extra hours to work per week while everyone was gone, which would easily allow for taking an evening off to play with them! Everyone loved the idea. And game night is Wednesday!

The beauty of that situation is that the reward of that big picture was short term and the effort was minimal and specific. My family was able to see that the plan really does work so that when presented to them in other forms later they trust there will be some kind of pay off.   The impact of actually having a visual aid, such as supporting framed pictures of a fun, was an accidental bonus that I recommend using whenever you can. Don’t we all perform better when we can see the benefits clearly?

How I Got My Kids to Eat Vegetables

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My kids have changed from tyrants at dinner time to enjoyable, engaging little people. They have gone from vegetable protestors to salad dressing connoisseurs. I stuck to my guns, even when told I was being too tough, and the result is happier, healthier kids and a dinner time we all look forward to!

Let’s review what we know about kids and dinner time.

 •Kids, as well as adults, need more than pasta and meat to maintain a healthy and productive body.
•Kids hate vegetables and just about everything else that is good for them.
•Kids love sweets. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s what dinner time was like for me. I love to cook and present food to my family. I believe in the family time and opportunity to bond. Every day I would cook something elaborate and arrange it beautifully on the table then call my family to the kitchen in anticipation of sharing a delicious meal and exchanging anecdotes, school gossip, and meaningful discussions. What actually happened was screams of protest the minute their beady little eyes spotted something green on the table.

Let’s discuss the signs of disapproval.

• ”Oh no. I am not eating that!”
• Child’s eyes rolling back and nearly falling out of head.
• A pile of corn kernels found stuffed under the cushion of dear child’s chair.I started each dinner time with high hopes and a smile and ended up yelling and threatening and assigning punishments. It really was miserable. My husband would tell me to let it go. Family members would defend my kids by saying, “Well they just don’t like it. What are you going to do?”

Here’s what I did.

• I explained to my kids that eating the healthy stuff served them was necessary to keeping their bodies healthy and providing them with the energy to do the fun things they love, and was therefore inflexible.
• I explained to them, and remained consistent, that regardless of what tantrum they threw, I would win.
• I made a deal that they try and eat everything at least once in exchange for my word to not again serve what they truly detested.
• I began serving a small dessert of ice cream or sweetened fruit as a reward.

 Guess what happened!

Dinner time became an adventure. The kids looked so forward to their dessert that their attitudes about the vegetables improved. They found that there were some really delicious healthy things available to them and that their bodies felt better and their digestive process was less uncomfortable. We experimented foods together and critiqued things as a group. Now our dinner time is spent laughing more than anything else and we have incredible conversations. 
 

Our staples include…

 • Kraft has some amazing new salad dressings and I brought home 6 of them for us to taste test. Ranch, of course, was a contender, but the family favorite hands down is Tuscan House. The crunchier and full of texture the salad, the more the kids enjoy it.
• Broccoli with warm Velveeta drizzled over it.
• Canned carrots cooked with cinnamon, honey, and brown sugar.
• Sliced cucumbers, grape tomatoes, and celery.

It is tough sometimes to be a parent trying to accomplish something with your kids that others may not support. But if you have picky eaters I urge you to try something like this in your own family. The bonus is not simply the inclusion of vegetables in their diets but the enthusiasm to try new foods whether out at a restaurant or having dinner with friends. Once you get past their resistance, you will see them change into more confident, well rounded children.

What’s Next?   Inspired (disgusted, out raged, broken hearted) by the current best seller SKINNY BITCH, I ordered my vegetarian start up kit today. Watch for updates and recipes coming soon!  Wish us luck!

I Thought Parenting Was Supposed to Make Me a Grown Up!

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I’ll be honest. I am more of a spoiled acting, ill tempered, short on patience bawl bag now that I have kids than I EVER was as a formerly kind, gentle, patient and cheerful only child. I am worn out. A friend and I were discussing being crazy the other day and admitted that I would be convinced that I have crossed over except that I am AWARE of it, and I am not sure if crazy is aware of crazy. She told me that what is making me crazy is that I expected parenthood to make me a grown up.

Hmph. I dated my husband for eleven years and this June will be our ninth wedding anniversary on top of that. I believe he has that gene that has caused him to decrease in age. Quite a contrast from my own wisdom and maturity. He had the nerve to one day announce that he felt like he was raising three children! I hit him on top of the head with the fly swatter and stormed off to my room with my hand held Mario brothers game, I was so flabbergasted.As a single, only child, living alone in my apartment I was very healthy and very wise. Oh yes. I was wise. I meditated every day, minded my karma, and kept my aura bright and clean. Not too hard to do when there is nobody or nothing around to challenge you! Looking back I would say that my first signs of regression may have appeared when Hubby and I first got married. I experienced for the first time something that I can only describe as “not getting my way”. Do you know what I mean by that?

Anyway, wise and healthy me persevered the learning to cohabitate period. But lately, I find myself very often wanting to throw myself backward on the floor and kick and punch and scream. Now of course I don’t because thankfully my regression has left my logic in tact and I realize I would hurt my back and likely not be able to get back up again. The tantrum would not be worth a day in bed and three more on high potency Motrin.

Before my friend’s comment, I had been concerned that that may be the only thing that keeps me from throwing a child like tantrum and reminds me to take some deep breaths until a smile comes to pass. “Use my words” I tell myself.

I can only imagine how frustrated my kids must get when they feel they are unjustly not getting their way. Given that they don’t fully grasp consequence and big picture, I gotta hand it to them for keeping it together like they do.

Maybe that is the reason I have been “gifted” with feelings of mounting tantrum. I mean, I was gifted with two beautiful children who conquered big challenges before we met and BOY do they have attitudes to show for it. So maybe my near tantrums are a super tool to give me a glimpse of what they are sometimes feeling inside.

I don’t think my friend knew she was making a life changing statement when she made that comment. Only by embracing my inner tantrum will I make MYSELF into a grown up. But what about all this “baby fat” I got back during my regression period. Anybody have any suggestions for that?!

Somebody Pinch Me!

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I cannot believe that I am here.  I especially cannot believe that you are here reading this!  You know, it has been a dream of mine to write when I grew up.  I wanted to write novels and I wanted to have my own column in the newspaper.  (There was no internet when I was planning my life back then!)  Well as we all know, life happens.  Sometimes the best laid out plans go south.  Instead of writing a best seller I got comfy at my desk jobs and went down that path. 

How about you?  Are you on the path you planned all those years ago?  If you’re not, it’s not too late!

At a very young age I decided on and believed wholeheartedly in 4 things.

  • I was too shy for a wedding and eloping was the way to go for me.
  • There were too many kids in the world without parents and I was going to give some of them a home one day.
  • I would be a writer. 
  • Women in their 40s are beautiful and smart and I couldn’t wait to get there. (this one actually developed in my 20s when the stress and chaos of the real world started kicking in)

That was it.  A pretty simple plan.  I am not aware that I took conscious steps at the time to get there, but I truly did believe in all those things so maybe I went on autopilot!

  • I eloped when I was 31.
  • I adopted Sari 3, and Drew 7, when I was 35.
  • I am turning 40 this December, I’ve started writing again, and for the first time I see the future before me that I dreamed was possible all those years ago. 

I didn’t even realize I was actively checking the big things off my life list until recently when I was feeling sorry for myself and counting my misfortunes, when I realized all my blessings. I am now a wife, a mom, a writer, and hopefully approaching a calm and wise 40. I snapped out of it and went after life again.  That’s what this blog is about for me.  Going after life.

Let’s go after it together, shall we?  

What’s that one thing you haven’t accomplished yet?

Everything Family Issue 2

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Welcome to the June 3, 2008 edition of Everything Family.    We received a whopping 72 submissions this month!  That’s incredible, and I hate that I could not include them all.  For further editions, submission time will be reduced from a month, to two weeks.

Lin Burress presents So Sexy, So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood in Commercial Culture posted at Telling It Like It Is.

Autumn Beck presents My Top 4 Pocket Cloth Diapers posted at All About Cloth Diapers, saying, “I have been excited to write about my favorite pocket cloth diapers for quite awhile now, but had to wait for the arrival of a particular brand I wanted to try.”

Theresa L. Twogood presents Daily Prayer Journal posted at OLIN e-Book e-Publishing.

Jackie presents Mother’s Day posted at A Keeper’s Jackpot.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.

Shaheen Lakhan presents Acknowledging Vaccination Concerns posted at GNIF Brain Blogger, saying, “When it comes to parents who choose not to vaccinate their children, a study reports two types: radical (refuses everything) and reformist (selectively opt out of certain vaccines).”

Family

Beth Blair presents Six Tips: Surviving a Family Road Trip posted at Traveling Mamas.

Linda W. presents Eating Well On Your Budget Vacation posted at The Eclectic Female, saying, “Eating out cheaply while on vacation can be tough, but is definitely doable.”

Trevor McKay presents Gastric Bypass Surgery And The Food Police posted at All About Gastric Surgery.

Jeff Sullivan presents The World Largest Toy Museum – Nostalgic Time Machine posted at Branson Travel Attractions.

Tip Diva presents Top Ten Tips – Stocking And Organizing A Medicine Cabinet posted at Tip Diva, saying, “Everyone should have a medicine cabinet in their homes in case of a sickness or an emergency. Here’s what to do to make sure you’re stocked and prepared”

Tip Diva presents Top Ten Tips – Moving Back Home As An Adult posted at Tip Diva, saying, “Maybe you’ve been away at school. Or, your lease may be up and you need an affordable place to stay while looking for a new apartment. Many young adults are moving back home for a variety of reasons, but coming back may be a culture shock. Here’s how to ease the transition”

Jeremy Neal presents What Moms Really Think About Good Dads posted at Discovering Dad.

Vera Lang presents Community Disaster Preparedness Tips – Plan Ahead of Time posted at Be Safe Insure .com, saying, “Emergencies & natural disaster can happen everywhere. Prepare to be safe and well for when this happens. Besides immediate responsiveness to get out of danger, these Top 10 Disaster Preparation Steps can help you and your family to take care of yourselves.”

Signs of a Cheating Spouse presents Personality Traits of a Cheating Spouse posted at Cheating Wife, saying, “Cheaters often have similar traits. Here is a list of characteristics to look out for.”

Hsidea presents Building friendships through homeschool groups posted at Homeschooling Tips, saying, “Tips for building friendships for homeschooled children”

Mother Hen presents Ship Full O’ Pirates » Blog Archive » Man Over-Bored! posted at Mother Hen.

George L Smyth presents One Minute How-To – How To Organize A Clothes Closet posted at George L Smyth, saying, “Nicole Green explains the most efficient way to make sure your clothes closet does not waste your time.”

Brent Diggs presents Nightlife | The Ominous Comma posted at The Ominous Comma.

Global Traveler presents Surviving Marital Infidelity – Signs of Infidelity » Protecting Your Finances In A Divorce posted at Infidelity, saying, “How to make the best use of a vacation guide.”

Metaliphe presents Dreading Family Gatherings? posted at Chandra Unplugged – No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach, saying, “Do you dread family gatherings? If you have a meddling mother-in-law that is constantly critical or a father-in-law that drinks too much and is bigoted, you are most probably anxious at family functions. Learn the best way to deal with these problems before, during and after dinner.”

Ken presents How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Husband posted at Cheating Detective, saying, “How to find out if your husband is cheating on you”

Sherry Love presents Should I remarry after divorcing my husband for 14 years? posted at Sherry Love. net, saying, “Explore a situation when a woman isn’t sure if she should remarry.”

Mother Hen presents Photo Broadside: Fire Away!!!!! posted at Mother Hen.

Life

Christopher Johnson presents Dealing With Stress At Work posted at christopheraaronjohnson.net.

Matthew presents Will You Marry Me? posted at Conservatives and Normals . Com – The Blog, saying, “Thank you.”

Tina presents My Special Blend: Oh, happy dry day! posted at My Special Blend.

Fuel Efficient Driver presents Tips On Saving Gas And Money posted at Getting Better Gas Mileage, saying, “Here is a general list on how to save money on gas.”

Heather Johnson presents Finding an Ethical Partner posted at A Philosopher’s Blog.

Moms

Alison presents 7 Green Gifts for Mom posted at Green Me.

Woman Tribune presents A Little Mother’s Day History posted at Woman Tribune.

GP presents Mom?s Day in the Kitchen posted at Innstyle Montana- Come on Inn, saying, “Mom’s day in the kitchen… and a recipe”

Pregnant Woman presents Third Trimester Diet posted at Pregnancy, saying, “What you should eat in your third trimester for a healthy baby!”

Tip Diva presents Top Ten Tips – Finding The Perfect Mother?s Day Gift posted at Tip Diva, saying, “Mother’s Day is for celebrating that special woman in your life – and not just your mother, but perhaps a grandmother, aunt, older sister or close friend who’s been like a mother to you. Don’t know what to get that person? Here are some creative and unique ideas”

Mother Hen presents Mommie N’ Me Cookies posted at Ship Full O’ Pirates.

Tonya presents First Trimester Pregnancy: Symptoms, Problems, and Solutions posted at My Pregnancy Blog, saying, “Information about the first trimester of a pregnancy.”

Patty presents Inspiring Women to Be Irresistible! Listen in to Christina Wiley, Motivational/Health Coach posted at Parenting, Child Development, Shopping Resources, Recalls and Reviews, saying, “Please consider adding my post and blog to this carnival.
Thanks! My weekly moms support show features bi-weekly guests, authors, experts and women/moms in business.”

Suzanne presents Reaction To Eco Kid’s Birthday Party posted at Mommyfootprint.com, saying, “One of the places that accumulates the most waste and excess is our kid’s birthday parties. Read about the reactions from my guests after we tried an Eco party for our son. We would never go back to a traditional party…”

Tonya presents Natural Labor – Some Suggestions For A More Comfortable Labor And Delivery posted at My Pregnancy Blog, saying, “Natural labor followed by childbirth without any intervention from doctors or medical procedures is safe and most common.”

Parenting

Sam presents Best Children’s Books. Best Kids’ Books. Good Story Books and Picture Books for Children ! Surfer Sam posted at Surfer Sam and Friends, saying, “The best children’s books delight, inspire, and teach. You open the world to a child when you read together. Here are good story books and picture books for children. Would your child like these favorites?”

Fiona Lohrenz presents Getting Parents Involved At Day Care posted at Child Care Only.

Angela Williams Duea presents At least she?s not naked. posted at angelawd, saying, “When does clean=punishment? When you’re talking to a teen, of course!”

Sonja Stewart presents Avoiding arguments part 1 – Gift Cloning. posted at Parenting Squad, saying, “When it comes time for gifts, you can stop a lot of arguments by buying the same thing for every kid.”

Jessica Jones presents Celebrating Womanhood posted at Practical Nourishment, saying, “sharing female rites of passage with our daughters”

Kevin Heath presents Bringing Baby Home – Parenting 101 posted at More4kids.

Kevin Heath presents Tips for Working Parents posted at More4kids.

Linda W. presents Signs And Symptoms Of Dust Mite Allergies posted at The Eclectic Female, saying, “How to tell if you might be suffering from dust mite allergies.”

Nara presents Surviving Marital Infidelity – Signs of Infidelity » Helping Young Children Through A Divorce posted at Infidelity, saying, “Divorce can be hard on young children. Make sure to keep their interests in mind when going through a divorce.”

Summer presents Compassionate Parenting posted at The Attached Mother, saying, “Thoughts on raising compassionate children.”

Jamie McIntosh presents Organic Gardens Blog @ Suite101.com posted at Suite101: Organic Gardens blog, saying, “Get children out of the house and into the garden.”

Dianne M. Buxton presents Parent Volunteers Can Help With Natural Stage Fright Before Ballet Recitals posted at Ballet Shoes and Pointe Shoes, saying, “Suggestions for helping with stage fright in young performers.”

Homework. Dinner. Life. presents 10 Ways to Make Certain That Your Kids Hate School, Become Lazy & Dependent Learners, Drive Their Teachers Crazy, & End Up Living in Your Basement Until They Are 40 – posts – Homework. Dinner. Life. posted at Angela Norton Tyler, saying, “Angela shares a story about doing too much for her daughter.”

Ms. Mystery presents Wife’s Affair Broke Up Marriage: How to Protect the Kids posted at Good Luck and Confess, saying, “I am wondering if I have any rights to protect my children from being around my future ex-wife’s boyfriend. They had an affair and broke up our marriage.”

Kevin Heath presents Parenting a Child with Special Needs posted at More4kids.

Kevin Heath presents Tips For Helping Our Kids Grow Up Green posted at More4kids.

Anmol Mehta presents How to Raise Enlightened Children posted at Mastery of Meditation, Enlightenment and Kundalini Yoga, saying, “Non-dual, spiritual approach to raising children such that they grow to achieve their highest human potential.”

Fiona Lohrenz presents End the whining at day care posted at Child Care Only.

Dana presents A hot water bottle named Grofa posted at Principled Discovery.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Everything Family using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Parenting Advice for Birth Order

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A First Born ChildIn light of my recent post on Birth Order: How it Affects Children and Family I thought I would follow up with some parenting advice specific to your children based on their birth order.  Now, do not misconstrue this as though I am trying to tell you how to raise your children, or what to do with them.  You can take it or leave it, because all that matters is that you know your children, and what is best for them.  This is just meant to be some friendly help, as it may work for some, and that is my hope.

A healthy family comes in all shapes and sizes, and means all sorts of different things to different people.  A healthy family for one, does not mean a healthy family for another, so what this advice means to you, it may not mean to others.  Every child is different, as is every situation, and of course this cannot account for all of them.

Instead of regurgitating things I have read from other sources, I thought I would provide links to more information for each group.  Of course, so that this blog becomes my own instead of a few trackbacks to other people’s work, I’ll provide a sneak peek of what each one offers, and some of my own thoughts!

For your First Born: This article from parents.com provides ten tips for parenting your first born child.  This includes things like: letting the child make their own decision, not making the child your “eyes and ears”/primary caretakers for his or her siblings, and making time for them if there are lots of other siblings.  This makes sense because the first born is often the babysitter for his or her siblings, and often is expected to lead.  It will allow the child to be his or her age, instead of a mini-adult too soon.

For your Middle Child:  This article from parents.com provides ten tips for parenting your middle child.  This includes things like: making special time for the child without the others around, encouraging differences between the children, and recognizing his or her accomplishments.  This will help the child from getting lost between the one before him or her, and the one after him or her.

For Youngest Child: This article from parents.com provides ten tips for parenting your last born child. This inclueds things like:  playing fair, holding the child accountable for his or her actions, and being careful not to show too much attention to the youngest child in comparision to how much attention you give the other child or children in your family.  This will help the child see that he or she is equal to his or her siblings, and the siblings will not feel as though this child is favored any more or less than they are.

This makes sense to me, of course, but is not the only thing I would ever rely on.  So, tell me what you think about it, and if it has helped you in anyway.  Does any of this advice help your family, or do you think it would?

Photo Credit: Cindy Watrous (personal photo of my son from 2006)

The Pacifier Perdicament

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I would never let my child use a pacifier! At least that’s what I thought before I had a baby. I even managed to hold onto the anti-pacifier ideology for the first month after I had my son. But then I did what any desperate, sleep deprived woman with a screaming baby would do ~ I found a pacifier. Found is actually a bit misleading. Around 3.a.m., with only about two hours of sleep out of the previous twenty-four, I became desperate. He was screaming and nothing calmed him down except nursing but he was so full he couldn’t eat anymore. Then I heard a little click. You know, the sound that’s made when you flip a switch to turn a light on? He just wants to comfort nurse, he needs a pacifier! I knew I had been given one at the baby shower ~ but where had I tossed it? I finally found it in a dresser drawer full of toys he was too young for. Yes! Then I boiled the pacifier, per the instructions, and while I was waiting for it to cool down I panicked. I can’t do this! What about my principles? What about his teeth? Then I took a deep breath and did what I always do when I don’t know what to do. I looked it up on the internet! The Mayo Clinic and the American Academy of Pediatrics were both very helpful. I found out it was ok to give my son a pacifier. Heck, it wasn’t just ok, it was good!

Here are some of the health benefits for using a pacifier:

• Can soothe a fussy baby
• Can help a baby fall asleep
• Can help reduce the risk of SIDS

I was ecstatic! By this time the pacifier was cool enough to give him (yes, he was still screaming) and I popped it in his cute little mouth. In the silence that immediately followed I heard bells ringing and angels singing! He was asleep in less than five minutes and slept for over four hours. Ever since I’ve given him a pacifier when he is especially fussy or is having trouble sleeping and it still works like a charm.

Did a pacifier save your sanity? When and how did you become a pacifier fan?
Submitted by: Robin