More Listening, Less Worry

Sometimes we forget that our kids have concerns just like we do.  No, they don’t have to pay bills or manage a household, in their world things like grades and peer acceptance carry just as much weight.  It is our job to make them feel safe and ease those troubling thoughts.

Common worries

• grades
• tough teachers
• being bullied or teased
• social acceptance
• peer pressure
• performance in team sports
• global issues (global warming, planet, war, etc.)

Make time to listen and offer support, no matter how silly the troubles may seem

My Son worries a lot.  So far he has not been able to pinpoint his troubles but he talks about having butterflies and nervousness frequently.  The last month has been particularly stressful for him.  Through nonchalantly inquiring into his day and how different things make him feel, I am sure his worry is centered around grades.  We had a bad year this year and he desperately wanted those final grades to be an improvement.  Add to that the excitement and pressure of being on a little league team that was leading in the play offs and you can see where things might have been feeling a little heavy for him.

My Daughter has an easier time identifying her worries.  She has not expressed the butterflies or other anxiety sypmtoms but she does go quiet sometimes and it is obvious that something is on her mind.  Almost every time I ask her about she says something like, “I am just so worried about global warming,” or “What are we going to do about the Polar Bears losing their homes and starving?”

Even though I am a bit of a tree hugger myself, I don’t really approve of all that heaviness being put on my 8 year old.  They are so impressionable and connected with animals and nature at that age.  I love that they are teaching responsibility and care for the planet, but they should lighten up.  In her case the best action I have come up with is to let her talk it out and express her concerns.  I assure her there a teams of folks out there protecting those animals or the planet or whatever and that she has no need to worry, that she need just keep doing her part to treat the planet right.  We also discuss different career choices for her (if the rockstar thing doesn’t work out, of cours ) where she can work to make a difference herself. 

Whether the worries are as close as the classroom or that of global issues,  be sure to let your child express his concerns.  Above all, make sure they feel safe, secure, and understood.  

Offering to help study for that big math test, or assisting in an electricity saving project (or something similar which relates to your child’s worries)

Can you think of any others?  And how do you feel about the heavy and graphic environmental issues our youngest ones are being exposed to?