Come On Moms, Get Real
You know, one of my biggest problems when I became a Mom was my perception that everyone and everything around me was perfect. If somebody had just confessed to me that they suffered doubt and frustration too, I might not have beat myself up so bad.
New (all?) Moms are so tough on themselves and insecure that they might not be doing something right or that their child is not developing appropriately. My Kids were 3 and 7 at adoption and they lacked skills and knowledge of other kids their age. Now the focus should have been 100% getting them caught up. Instead I was dealing with about a 30% feeling of inadequacy because my kids were lacking basic tools for their ages.
Meanwhile, I was seeing Moms all around me who appeared to have everything perfected. When I shared my struggles with them and inquired how they did it, they gave me tips and elaborated on how great their lives were but they never shared any struggles in return. So I assumed the struggles didn’t exist and became more ashamed and disappointed in myself that I didn’t have this natural mother thing that everyone else had.
It wasn’t until not long ago that I learned the truth. You ALL have issues! 
There is just a need to appear “perfect” or “super woman” to the outside world and keep all your difficulties to yourself. Make it look easy no matter how hard you might be struggling.
I am thankful to the few Moms who finally let me in on the secret so I didn’t feel like such a loser. We shouldn’t have to put on our sunday best for our girlfriends and fellow mommies. So Ladies, help your Sisters out when you see them struggling. She doesn’t really need your tips. She needs to know that you, Supermom, once had the same problems and fears.
There is a great website that was brought to my attention today called True Mom Confessions. Some of it is sad and some of it is laugh out loud funny, so check it out. You’ll find out that your are definitely not alone.
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This is great post. My partner always thinks her friends have these perfect lives with perfect upbringing for their perfect kids. I try to tell her that they probably just the perception and I will refer her to your post that proves my point!
Thanks
I am so glad you found value here, JBO. I am surprised I didn’t get more comments because I received several phone calls and emails like yours. And like yours they all said, “I’m going to tell my partner” or “I’m going to tell my daughter”. It seemed to hit home with not the mothers, but those CLOSEST TO the mothers. Interesting, right?
I’m a divorce attorney, so I can appreciate where you are coming from. I can’t tell you how many times a client will come in to file for divorce and one of their biggest concerns is the embarrassment because all their friends think they have the “perfect marriage.” Life is one big show and a lot of people put on a good show. Everyone has their set of problems, it really comes down to how you handle your problems and your mindset. Stay positive.
I am a new mom and and let me tell you…I thought law school and taking the bar exam was tough but after having my first child, all that was a piece of cake! I also felt that everyone around me who had a child or more than one child looked as though they had it all under control and were so happy. It’s nice to know that I am not the only one that feels like its tough to try to be “super mom.”
Thanks so much Attorney. I enjoyed both of your perspectives on Motherhood, one as the new mom and one as the divorce attorney. I am glad there was something in the article that helped you. I hope to see you again.