Positive Discipline for Out of Control Kids
Here is a snippet from a new website I found.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a teacher, a parent, or both… On this web site, I’m going to show you how to solve defiance, whining, and all the other “problem” behaviors children and teens use to drive you crazy! And yes, you can do it all without ever blaming or punishing them!
I didn’t actually find it, it was recommended to me by another Blogger Mom.
If you spend any time researching kids and behavior on the internet you surely have come across a wide variety of articles on discipline and punishment. People are passionate about their beliefs on this topic.
Almost everyone SAYS they do not spank their kids. It is very UN-PC. I decided to be the honest one and admit in a forum that I have spanked my kids before, that I don’t feel bad about it, but I would prefer to find positive means of discipline. Positive is always better.
I took some polite heat which I expected. The idea being that it is disrespectful and demoralizing to swat your child.
Another parent spoke his mind and the replies he got were a bit less polite. Understandably so because his comment represented the complete opposite end of the spectrum. That we are raising a generation of brats with all our feel good touchy feely stuff. I’ll be honest, I totally get where he is coming from. I am freaked out by some behaviors I see in children!
But here’s the thing. When I see those ill behaved kids, I don’t know who gets spanked and who doesn’t. We also don’t know what’s going on. Right after the adoption my kids were extremely unruly in public, constantly testing me to see what I could handle. And what about that story from Stephen Covey with the kids running wild on the train bothering everybody while the Dad seemed not to notice. They were on their way home from the hospital where their Mom had just died. How were they supposed to be acting?
You just never know what’s going on in someone’s life or what is causing the behavior. Instead of judging, how about we be supportive? Offer Mom some assistance. Or if you have nothing to offer the situation, just move on.
By that same token, I don’t want to be told how I can and cannot raise my kids. We are talking about swats not beatings here, of course we do not have the right to abuse our kids. But I personally do not believe that spanking is bad. I do, however, believe their are better options and whenever we can handle a situation with a positive form of discipline the results will be better.
There’s a super article coming up in Blog Carnival in October about the harms of spanks and swats. The author seems to have had some different experiences with spanking growing up than I did. I started to see some things differently.
I will highlight the article when the issue comes out. It choked me up and motivated me all the more to seek positive forms of discipline and strategies for every situation. That’s why I was so thrilled to find this website about POSITIVE DISCIPLINE . I recommend everyone with kids to check it out!
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This is a subject I spend a *lot* of time discussing with my hubby. Ultimately, I think that it’s a wide spectrum, and that being too far on one end or the other gets you into trouble.
Personally, we don’t use physical punishments, but we do use what some people would shun as “punishments.” The positive discipline philosophy can be very strict and seems to endorse the idea that *nothing* representing a punishment should ever be practiced. My philosophy is that I use natural consequences when they’re available, but if I need to take screen time away or enforce a 5-minute “cool down,” I’m not going to lose sleep over whether it’s a threat vs. a natural consequence vs. positive discipline, or whatever.
In fact, lately what I’ve been finding is that a positive attitude and taking the time to teach your kids problems solving and non-violent communication is more important than how or whether you punish your kids! Enabling our son to make the right choices in advance seems to be paying off lately!
Good luck to you and glad to find your blog! We have the same WP theme!
I love this one. Yep, I spank my kids too and like you I believe that it isn’t always the answer. Hallelujah, someone else who is on the middle ground!
I totally agree, sometimes its necessary and sometimes it isnt, everything in balance I say
Hey Hippie Dippie! Great comments, thanks. And I have to clarify, I was not using my words right. By saying “positive” I only meant that I prefer some sort of alternative to spanking. My use of “positive” was a blanket statement to also cover lost privileges, extra chores, etc. And you are right, the key is taking the time to deal with things. Good stuff! PS… LOVE your WP theme!
Yes Michele, middle ground is usually a good place. Do you think it says something about my spanking technique that when I enforce a ban on video games as punishment my kids BEG for a spanking instead?! What is wrong here?!?! LOL.
That is good advice, but I am not a parent, and never will be, so I am glad that I will not ever have to worry about that kind of stuff.
As a mom of an 8 (almost 9)year old, lots of discipline has taken place in our household, from spanking, time outs, losing privilidges. I’ve found, though, by changing the way I react to a situation sometimes solves the problem before it gets out of hand. If I find myself getting all worked up and bothered, the worse she gets.
Hi Cin, You blog brings up issues that every parent has to think about. I too have spanked my children, however I did not feel good about it any more than I would feel good if someone hit me. That is why I searched for better ways and was thrilled to learn about the Alderlian/Dreikursian approach that I write about in the Positive Discipline books. The big mistake most people make when they hear “no punishment is thinking the only alternative is permissiveness and spoiled brats. Frankly, I think permissiveness is just as unhealthy for kids as is punsihment. That is why Positive Discipline emphasises “kind AND firm” at the same time. I do believe that most parents would prefer not to spank if they knew what else to do that would help their children learn self-disclipline, responsibility, cooperation, problem-solving skills, and all the other characteristics we know will help our children become capable, happy, contributing members of society. That is the goal of all the positive discipline methods–which are all kind and firm at the same time.
My hat is off to all parents who are trying their best as they engage in the most difficult and most important job in the world.
Airsoft… Never say never! Ha!
Jill… You are absolutely right! I know that my reaction has a big effect on the situation.
Hey Jane! I’m glad you got to read the post. You make a good point about the misconception of punishment alternatives meaning permissiveness. Something “clicked” when I read that.
Thanks for your comments everyone.
Its really good stuff which is used for future …
Right decisions shd be taken in right time other wise there might be great damage for child career
Good Blog ..Nice to see this