I can tell you in all honesty that I never stopped believing in Santa Claus.  My idea of him may have changed, but the belief never wavered.  I am sad that today I have to defend him in my own home.

There is a four year difference in ages between my kids.  Sari is 9 and all about the magic and wonder of the holidays. Drew is 13 and becoming so cynical it breaks my heart. He told me today that the only jolly fat guy at Christmas is the rich one sitting in his mansion cashing in on his Santa franchise. I was lost for words.

I understand he is 13 and he is a boy and he is probably stuck in this frustrating place of wanting to believe but harassed by his buddies if he does.  Now remember, my son is 13 but he’s only been my son for 5 years and he didn’t have much of a family experience prior to that. So I think it’s understandable that he would want to hold onto the magic for a little longer.

But apparently he has decided to side with the guys at school and to vent his anger for not being able to believe like he wants to, he has decided to shatter my young daughter’s holiday magic as well.

Here’s the thing about Sari, though… you’re not smashing anything for her unless she wants you, too. She’s in control of her world and beliefs. That’s her in the picture above. I asked her to reproduce the look that she had given me just a minute prior. She’s always glad to mug for the blogosphere.

So we’ve been arguing about Santa for a week or so now, when Drew hit below the belt. “It’s obvious the presents are not from Santa or built by elves because they come in a box that says WALMART on them.”

I was pissed. That was it for me. “You know what Andrew? Suppose you put your camera out all night and prove there is no Santa. Then what?  The gifts are done for one thing. Would you like that? (‘no”) Secondly, if Santa dies away so does all his magic. Do you like the Christmas tree? (“yes”) Do you like decorations and the lights? (“oh yes you know I love the lights.”) Do you look forward to Christmas every year?  And what is the general mood of people at Christmas?  Would you agree there is more love in the air at Christmas?”  Well all that stuff is a package deal, I went on to explain. Santa included. He gives people something to believe in and something to hope for.

Drew then offered the idea that maybe there was a man who was so kind and delivered gifts to his community, and when he died, the legend lived on to spread magic and love for Jesus’ birthday.   I agreed that could be the case but if it was, why would he want to squash it.  I had sort of forgotten about Sari.

About five minutes after the conversation and about 5 seconds before delivering the above look, my innocent Sarah said (advised) (WARNED) “I want to just say that I completely believe in Santa, no doubt about that.  But let’s just hope that if he isn’t and  is just being used  to spread love and magic, that SOMEone is smart enough to remove the Walmart labels before they put the gifts under the tree.” <Cue the “I mean business” look>

I felt like she was just making it clear that she was not ready to let go right now and was making sure that we did not do anything that would give her doubt she couldn’t rationalize.

I am really careful with my words when I defend the existence of Santa because I don’t want to lie and I don’t want my kids to turn into cynics. I want to make sure that they can always hear the Christmas bells ringing.  Life is filled with too much heartbreak to take away things that conjures up love and goodness.

There was a day that Santa stopped bringing me “gifts” in a box. It was at the same time that the most important gifts to me couldn’t be found in boxes, but in the hugs of my loved ones and the hope for peace of earth. It was at that time that Santa Claus stopped being a jolly man in a red suit dropping off gifts and flying through the air, and transformed into a spirt, a hope, a wish, a belief that captivated people across the globe. Something for us all to believe in despite our differences. A rare symbol of something innocent and good that cannot be interpreted otherwise.  Why in the world would would you want to stop believing in that?