Big Girls Don’t Cry

What a stupid saying.  Seriously.  I am not sure if it is because I am sensitive to the last few years of weight gain and I feel like they’re saying fat girls like me are not allowed to cry, or if I am sensitive to my arrival at 40 and I’m being told that old ladies like me aren’t supposed to cry.  Either way, whoever coined that phrase is a moron and should be held responsible for damages caused to the female psyche.

The idea behind the statement was originally targeted toward little girls growing past the age where tantrums and meltdowns are appropriate, I get that.  But then maybe the saying should have been something like “girls over the age of 6 don’t lay down on the floor, pounding their fists and screaming until they get their way”.  Or something similar.  I am sure Fergie could have made a song equally as catchy using that title instead.

The problem is we stretched it out to mean more.  As girls we had that saying in our minds when someone was mean to us at school and we decided not to be a tattle tale that time.  When our hearts got broken the saying floated through our minds again as we held the pain inside and moved on.  By the time we become wives and mothers we have pretty  much convinced ourselves that no one is interested in hearing our problems.  Big girls don’t cry. Wives don’t cry.  And mothers definitely do not cry.  Women have advanced abilities in keeping their pain locked up inside and putting on a smile while tending to their household duties and doing their best to make everyone feel good around them. (Now there’s a snappy song title!) Succeeding at the latter makes it all worthwhile.

But sometimes there is a flaw.  Or maybe a user error.  What happens when the whole system backfires?

Women are twice as likely to suffer depression than men.  Why is that?  Men have a tremendous amount of stress and responsibility.  But just as we have come to accept that men have that inherent “hunter gatherer” thing, women are inherently “nurturing”.  We cannot help it that we love babies.  We want to feed and please the people in our lives.  At our very core we want to make those around us be happy and healthy.

Anti-depressants,  appetite suppressants, and energy boosters are replacing the cherished tradition of eating a quart of ice cream as the standard for dealing with our emotions.  Isn’t it enough already?

Remember the old saying representing our male counter parts? “Real men don’t eat quiche.”  Remember?  Well guess what!  They do! They love quiche and fruity girly drinks too!  AND they wear pinkand enjoy a good chick flick. You might even get your ass kicked by a tough guy wearing black nail polish if you’re at the right bar.  Their masculine identifiers are as outdated as “Don’t wear white after Labor Day.”  I move that from here on out we no longer acknowledge the saying, “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”  If we need a little help, we’ll ask for it, and if we are sad we don’t have to smile anyway.  Even if it’s only in private, ladies, we must acknowledge our own feelings and let them out from time to time.

Who’s with me?

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De-Mystifying Feng Shui

I am so excited at this very moment.  Mama Mar is probably thinking, “Lord have mercy kid, you’re exhausting me with your enthusiasm lately!”  LOL.  I guess the thing is I have just been so down that I feel like I’m coming out of a dark dungeon and seeing light and breathing fresh air for the first time in ages.  Granted, the sunshine has a LOT to do with it.  I’m definitely one of those S.A.D. peeps who needs the sunshine.  Then there’s the therapy and the meds… I suppose that could have some affect on my disposition…   Anyway, I have been on fire with “purpose” and “ideas” and “motivation” and “creativity” and “drive” lately.  And apparently quotation  marks too because I’m not really sure why I wrapped them around all those words.  Whatever.  My mental stability and usage of excessive punctuation is not the topic of this post today.

Neither is the lifestyle change I seem to finally be on the right path toward making.  I have been working out every day for 10 days. (and I FINALLY got my nerve up to try a ZUMBA class, which was on my life list.)   No, 10 days is not a very long time BUT I set a target date based on a doctor’s appointment, getting weighed & measured, and starting the second thirty days on Adipex.  And I stuck to it.   (At that doctor’s appointment I learned I lost EIGHTEEN pounds on my first 30 days!)

And you know how I was talking about needing a sleep bed or something because I can’t sleep at night?  I bounce from bed to the couch to the floor to a kid’s bed, walk around a bit and who ever knows where I’ll wind up in the morning?!  But since the working out and eliminating of the junk food I am sleeping like a baby.  No sleep bed necessary.  ALTHOUGH I would like one of the bed wedges. They look SOOOO comfy.

Oh but that’s not what has me thrilled right NOW.

I have some really cool projects going right now.  I am writing TWO books.  One a fiction comedy and one loosely based on us co-authored by my daughter Sari.  She’s 9 remember?  We are having the best time putting together our outline and interviewing one another.  I have been “writing” these books for about 5 years having not put more than 10 words on paper.  But suddenly this week, all my questions, problems, and blockages have been answered and removed.  I also have a new website and community project in the works.  Oh shoot.  I got distracted again.

The reason I am tickled today is because of my new “toy”.  Take a look over to the farthest right margin.  You might have to scroll down a titch to see the pink and blue world map that says “Look Who’s Here”.  See the yellow daisies?  Those are YOU!!!  The map displays who is here at any given time.  Yesterday when I was on there was only ONE lonely daisy spinning and it was in Detroit so I have a feeling that was me and I was disappointed, I’ll be honest.  But today the daisies are spinning in Gladwin, Michigan (Hi Ma!), all across the US, Pakistan, the UK,  Phillipines, Indonesia, Malaysia… how cool is that?! I am so grateful for every one of you spinning daisies stopping by to visit.

Especially in my heightened “buy the world a coke” spirit it reminds me of what exists beyond my little bubble, how many different people and cultures we share the world with and how similar we  are.  It’s really not such big mean world is it?

It was unseasonably warm and sunny here today in Mid Michigan.  I went outside to get something from my car at midnight at it was so warm and smooth I wished we had the patio set up so I could sit out on the back deck for a while.  I did not want to go back in the house.  It gave me the vacation bug!

I don’t know what we’re going to do this year.  We are still trying to decide between one long vacation to Florida or a few minis to closer locations.  It’s such a tough decision because money is tight which makes us lean toward some short trips to Cedar Point and Mackinac Island.  BUT THEN AGAIN Hubby’s sister and her husband bought a time share last month and they said we can use it in July.  It is in Orlando, my summer wonderland, and seems pretty hard to pass up!

ALTHOUGH I really want to go on one of those Disney Cruises.  Have you ever been?  My Brother and his family have gone and they absolutely love it.  I have to admit the idea of Disney World is pretty overwhelming and carries a more frazzled air about it than my relaxing laid back Sea World.  But with a Disney Cruise the attractions are more condensed and intimate, and the characters come to you, so you are not on such a schedule trying to make your way to every single attraction.

We vacation in July when Hubby is on change over, but I bet most of you have already gone over Spring Break right?  What did you all do?

I have been involved in some type of sales career for almost fifteen years.  About 5 years ago I made a career change, still in sales.  In all this time my performance has only gotten worse.  In every other job that I have had in my life, I passed up senior employees and rose to the top as soon as a position was available.  I have been beating myself up for not being able to master my new job and I think I have figured it out.  It’s my attitude.

I joined the real estate sales force at an odd time for me.  I thought the timing was perfect, offering a “flexible” schedule to accommodate my new family.  Now I am not so sure.

Even though I am ridiculously in love with my family, my happy factor took a dip in many ways after the adoption.  I let go of things that I love and love to do over the last few years because there just didn’t seem to be time for any of it.  This of course led to some unhappineess, right?  Add to that the distaste I was developing toward the greedy buyers and sellers I was running into every day, then the absolute collapse of the market.   On top of that, there is the dismissive way realtors are often treated.  It seemed that I was driving around all day, every day, showing houses to people who either ended up buying from another realtor they had also been working with secretly or whose financing fell through at the end.

I almost hate going to work now.  Going into the office is fine, but showing houses, something I used to love, is now a chore to me.  And no matter how accommodating I am or how big I smile, my body language and aura are surely displaying dread and exposing my fakeness.  Now I have buyers just disappearing on me.  Well I wonder why!  You can sense when someone doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be around you.

I am not sure, at this point, how to change the attitude without changing the job, but just having an explanation for my under achievement has already improved my disposition.  And maybe recognizing that I have had a bad attitude will set me on the path to repairing it.

I wonder, do you love your job? Hate it?  Feel just fine about it? Can you see a direct correlation between your job success and your disposition?

Do you ever pamper yourself or treat yourself to a mini vacation?  I mean just YOU.  No kids, no spouse.  Doesn’t it sound selfish?  Well it’s not.

Why is it that when you make sacrifices for the good of your family it is considered noble.  But it is frowned upon if you do something you thoroughly enjoy—even if it benefits your family?  Who is doing the lobbying for the “Moms aren’t allowed any fun” campaign?

Truthfully, I don’t know who is more to blame, though: that certain part of society that says if you’re not suffering you must not be a good mom, or something inside ourselves. I have it, too.  But I have realized it is not legitimate and have started taking annual weekend getaways with my girl friends.

The first mini vacation I took was a few years ago with two of my friends.  It was a little stressful because it was my first time leaving my newly adopted children home with Dad.  I missed them terribly.  Two years ago the group got a little bigger, and the weekend getaway was perfected.

8 girls, myself included, flew to Scottsdale, Arizona.  We had fabulous accommodations and had spent a year saving up for spa treatments.  PLURAL.  :-)  We had massages, shopped, and sunbathed during the day.  Complete relaxation.  Except for the giggling spells.  We went out to dinner and to a casino one evening, but my favorite night time activity was sipping our drinks outside on the cozy couches around the fireplace and talking.  Not really about our careers or our kids, but just good old fashioned girl talk.  I forgot how much I liked it.

It is easy to get overwhelmed and behind.  And if you’re not overwhelmed and behind then you must REALLY be working too hard because there is just too much to do.  We rarely take time to smell the roses on a daily basis.  I know I don’t.  But after that long weekend getaway of spa treatments and girl talk i felt born again.

The tension was gone from my back and shoulders.  My smile felt light and easy.  But it wasn’t just because of the massages.  It was listening to 7 other women, from different places living different lives, all experiencing the same things.  Where one woman feels like she’s failing, another woman had shared her tips.  Everyone seemed to take away some lesson or reassurance that sent them home a little stronger and mightier than when she left.

A lot of times moms are left feeling unappreciated and under valued, dreading much of the tedium of their day to day.  But after a weekend getaway with the girls, you will be excited again and armed with new tricks to make life even sweeter for your loved ones at home.

The most important thing to remember about annual getaways with the girls is… as soon as you get home, make your plans and start saving for NEXT YEAR’S trip!

We have made great strides since our earliest days of bathing in rivers and wearing fig leaves, haven’t we?  I bet our road to advancement was met with skepticism at every step along the way.  There always seem to be crackpots and paranoid petes who are convinced that technology is evil.  I am a big fan of science and technology, having always thought every new discovery and invention is a natural part of our evolution as we become stronger and continue to realize our capabilities and potential.  Sometimes though, I wonder…

Are we too smart for our own good?  Will it be the spawn of all our “brilliance” that leads to our demise?  Will we ever reach enlightenment or is it our quest for perfection that attacks our health?

The day came that living in caves was not good enough for us.  We eventually began building dwellings.  As time went on and we got smarter, we searched for superior building materials.  One of those materials was called asbestos which became a valuable material in building things like schools because of its insulative properties and resistance to fire.  Good for us that we found such a protective material to wrap around our children during their years/days/hours of learning.

I can only vaguely recall my school being renovated, as a kid, due to the discovered dangers of asbestos.  I KNOW I never heard the term mesothelioma back then.  That’s a more recent buzz word, right?  Mesothelioma is a cancer caused by exposure to asbestos.  If we had never initiated the use of asbestos in construction, this type of cancer would have never existed.  We are smart and we were able to pinpoint this type of cancer to asbestos.  But what about other cancers and health defects?  Isn’t it likely that they were manufactured along with other “improvements” and “technology?”

Our farming is another good example.  There was a time when everything was grown in a pure and organic way.  First to feed ourselves, then to sell at market.  Then along came greed.  We wanted to find ways to grow bigger crops and make more money.  Animal farming is an even more offensive example.  We began by slaughtering an animal to put food on the table.  Then I guess there was trading and sale of livestock.  When greed came along we wanted to find a way to harvest bigger animals, more milk, and more meat.  Living off the vegetation and hunting earth’s natural livestock was no longer good enough.  We were smart and we knew we could make it better.

Doing our best and striving for success, financial and otherwise, is no crime.  But at what point would level minded intelligent people decided it’s a good idea to spike our food supply with chemicals to produce more lucrative crops?

The issue here is not the role that animals play on this planet.  Whether or not you believe it’s okay to eat your four legged neighbors of the world, the question is … is it okay to chemically alter them and produce mutants as a means to make more money?  There are FAR MORE religious people than me in this world, the majority of whom are meat eaters.  And I wonder… as you’re bellying up to the table for that thick delicious steak, are you really okay with the tampering of God’s creatures as a way just to make more money?

Have you seen our kids lately?  My daughter is still struggling with vegetarianism.  She gets poked at often    for being an activist one day and eating McDonald’s cheeseburgers the next.  She’s only 9 though, and learning about sacrifice and commitment.  At least SHE CARES.  I am happy she realizes and reminds me  the wrongness of a food supply so overwhelmed in chemicals that kids are growing bigger, and developing quicker, as the hormones pass from their food into their own bodies.  I am proud she is bothered by the unnecessary harvesting and torture of animals for any reason.

I wonder if there was a guy in the first part of the twentieth century who was laughed out of town for voicing his opinion against using asbestos as a building material.  Or if anyone ever protested the use of antibiotics and hormones on livestock, but was quickly hushed and ridiculed.

If I had my life to live over again, I would do it differently.  I would live modestly and simply.  I would raise my own chickens and grow my own veggies.  We sometimes mock people whose culture or desires for such simplicity go against the modern grain.  We think we are “smarter” than them.  But I can’t help but wonder if they already have it all figured out.

I think the real answer is “balance”.  A world with magnificent discoveries such as electricity to bring light to our evenings and make the world accessible to us, but without the atrocities resulting from mutating nature and being driven by greed.

That would be my perfect world.  What’s yours?

The pursuit of colic ease can be desperate for families.  A babies constant, unexplained crying, can leave anybody feeling helpless and a new mother feeling worthless.  My youngest child was three when we adopted her so I have never had to deal with colic with either of my kids.  But I have cared for colicky babies for a few hours at a time for friends and family and it can be so frustrating for just that short time that I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to make your baby happy day in and day out.

Like I said, I don’t have any real experience to draw from here but I ran across something that I had never heard of and it cracked me up.  GRIPE WATER!  Is this for real?  Have you all heard of it?  If I would have heard of it I would have bought gallons and put it in a water bottle for my husband to take in his lunch everyday!  I would have never dreamed it was for babies.  Well, infant babies anyway!

Apparently the ingredients include stuff like, dill, fennel, chamomile and other herbs that reduce and soothe baby acid.  Whereas traditional treatments included probiotics and other drugs to treat infant colic, this “gripe water” offers an alternative, natural way to treat a gassy baby without the nasty side effects.

Colic is a serious issue that can cause so much stress and strain on families so I don’t mean to make fun, I really don’t.  But couldn’t those in charge of finding relief for them have come up with a more sensitive name than “gripe water”?  I am torn between “relief water” and “soothing water”.  What do you think would be a better name for it?

I am T.O.’d today!  Thank goodness it is Tuesday and I got a fresh dose of my Lamb Chop (Adam Lambert) on American Idol tonight to bring my spirits up.  Maybe you guys already know about this pet scam business, but in case you don’t I’ll caution you to beware.  And if you do already know, thank you for allowing me to vent.

I would LOVE a dog.  I grew up with dogs and they are special to me.  I love my hammies and my turtle too, but there is just something about a dog that warms my heart.  Hubs has to this point resisted, though, and I understand his point.  Our house was too chaotic the first few years after the adoption and we did not need another responsibility.  Also, we have a small yard, no place to really run, and a smallish house, mostly carpeted, that isn’t really dog friendly.  Lastly Hubby is anal.  (No Ma I said ANAL!  I wouldn’t insult him here at Her Family Blog.  I do THAT sort of venting at another blog without many readers, where I can swear and stuff.) :-)  He is anal about the house.  Puppy paw prints, dog hair, drool, poo poo… these things which are inconvenient to most of us are earth shattering to him.  But lately something has changed.

All four of us fell in love with Rob Dyrdek’s dog “Meaty”. (Rob & Big, Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory).  Have you seen this pooch?  He is the coolest dog.  He rides skateboards, runs around a little bit, then needs a nap.  Just like us! The perfect blend of energy and chillax for our family.  Plus they don’t get too big so they will fit nicely in our home.  There’s a big draw back though… the price.  I have seen them priced as high as $4,500! The price is justifiable, though, from what I understand.  Bulldogs are so so expensive because they are difficult to breed due to body structure.  Females often have to be artificially inseminated.  THEN she has to have a c-section because of the head size.  Once the bulldog puppies are born there is danger of being accidentally squashed by mama so a lot of time has to be spent nurturing the puppies and giving them to mama at feeding times.  After all that work and expense, the litter could be small and pups often don’t survive.  So I can understand why they cost so much.  But still, I can’t pay that for a dog.

We’ve talked about rescue adoptions and we are actually on some waiting lists.  This is very appealing to our kids, 9 & 13, having been through adoption themselves and being familiar & passionate about the cause. English bulldogs are in demand, though, so it could take years for our turn.   I was referred to some websites last weekend that got me excited, though.  I found private people who had to give their bulldog puppies away because of relocation or some other reasons.  They don’t want to sell them, they just want to find a good home.  Sounded perfect!

It would take too long to exactly explain this, but I am 99% sure that it is a scam.  Everyone is heartbroken.  I emailed the guy with our interest and a little about us.  Then he emailed me back explaining why he was giving the dog away and asking me the same questions I already gave him in my last email.  I wrote him back and answered the questions and asked how we will be making the exchange.  (The dog was supposed to be in Michigan but is now supposedly in Texas; the guy moved).  He replied with the EXACT duplicate of the first email he sent me.  As if he wasn’t even reading my emails but sending out these “form letters” to every request he got.  I poked around some more on the internet and found a really sincere seeming guy and emailed him.  He replied that he is in CAMEROON! (West Africa).  He said he will miss his precious baby but he is unable to take care of it anymore and if I would just send him the shipping fee he will ship him to my doorstop on a 19 hour flight in a crate with his toys and his paperwork.  Crazy-puppy-peddler-running-scams-from-Africa say what?!  I googled some more and found out that pet scamming is common!  Send them the money and never receive your pet.

I know people steal from people every day.  And I know a lot of these scams originate from underprivileged places overseas.  But how can anyone prey on the heart of a child like that?  Shame!

So.  The moral here, as well as the recommendation of advertisers is to always BUY LOCAL.  When it comes to pets you should always pick up in person.  Don’t send money to any private sellers before you receive your product.  Shop with confidence, but buyer beware.  And the other thing you learned today is that I am on a hunt for an English Bulldog puppy.  So if you here of one, and it’s close enough to pick up from Mid Michigan, let me know!!!!

In this economy where jobs are being eliminated every day there is so much talk about finding new jobs, starting home based businesses and pursuing income online.  But there are people who still have good jobs.  Maybe they have lost benefits or had to take pay cuts, but they still have a job.  Whatever the case, these people have job concerns too and need to know how they can make themselves valuable on the job and command the highest salary possible.

Saint Joseph’s University helps employees reach their potential at work by offering Project Management Certification in the areas of “project management”, “crisis management”, and “purchase management.”  The flexible twenty four week class is perfect for those who already have full time employment as well as family and other obligations.

A CAPM certificate can benefit managers in a variety of fields including engineering managers whose earning potential is $111k, construction managers, ($60k) and mental health managers ($35k), among many others.  I personally do not know anyone who has taken the course but I was asked to pass along the information to you all since many people are searching for something new or something better in their careers.  So if you are one of those people, take a look around the website and see if it can help you.