Things to do at My Funeral when I’m Dead
(Note to my parents: I know you think I am macabre at times, but this title was inspired by a movie called “Things to do in Denver when You’re Dead.” I was shooting for “clever” not “upsetting.” K? xoxo)
We’re taking a whimsical look at death and funerals today at Her Family Blog. It’s a subject you may not like, but we cannot escape it. We mourn lost loved ones every day and one day they will mourn us. Regardless of your faith or after life beliefs, we all will one day draw our last physical breath on this earth. I move that we all participate in the biggest collective paradigm shift ever and just decide that death is okay and funerals are fun. I think Dr. Dyer and Stephen Covey would both approve.
I have an amazing free spirited friend named Leslie* (name not changed to protect the innocent because she is far from innocent and I think would like the shout out) :-) She asked me today if it would be appropriate to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral. How would you have answered that question?
Considering funerals are a somber, dignified occasion at which to pay your respects to the recently deceased before you say goodbye and send them off, it may not seem “respectful” to show up without your shoes. If that is what you were thinking, shame on you! Leslie’s friend was a huge fan of being barefoot. It would be disrespectful to mandate shoes at her funeral. I hope they bury her without any shoes, in fact. If we are talking about being “respectful” and honoring the deceased, why should the big send off be orchestrated according to “the norm” or following any society standards? If she loved being barefoot so much why should she have to enter the great unknown wearing foot covering when you know given the choice, she’d go barefoot?
So I advised Leslie to forget what’s appropriate and leave her shoes at home. Then it got me thinking about my own funeral. Yesterday when I was talking to her Leslie was making vegetable pizza to take for folks to eat after the service. I really like vegetable pizza and have made it for many occasions that I hosted. I hope she brings it to my funeral. I should ask her ahead of time. What else would I like?
- Please bury me in black. Not because it’s funeraly, but because I still want to take advantage of its slimming affect. It’s the last time you’ll see me and I want to look hot. Even though I will hopefully be 110.
- I love my Tiffany’s necklace, but don’t bury me in it. No jewelry or anything of material value at all please. In fact, if any of my girlie treasures end up in any hands other than my daughter or nieces, I will come back to make it right.
- If you like black, you can wear it too. Vamp it up, even, think of it as a cocktail party or New Year’s Eve event. But if you prefer another color, such as lime green like the color of your VW bug, you better wear it. You know who you are. Just please, regardless of your color palette, no one upstage me. It’s MY funeral, not yours.
- If you must send me off from a church, go ahead. I’ll give you that one. I acknowledge that you will be grieving and in need of comfort so if you can find one that will take me and permit my wishes, you have my blessing.
- No preaching. You can do that on Sunday. Take turns telling kind, loving, funny stories about me. I love to hear about myself so that will be the best way to honor me. Make sure someone says a comforting prayer, though, for all the peeps in attendance who miss me.
- My song list may change between now and the big day, but these are non negotiable and should be the only somber times of the event as I give my last lecture. In honor of me, you have to let me have the last word with these tunes.
- IF I CAN DREAM (Elvis) My all time fave. Listen to it, learn it, live it.
- PURPLE RAIN (Prince) My grand apology for every mistake I made. They were born of the the best intentions.
- THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND (Madonna) My reflective moment as I say goodbye.
- AS I LAY ME DOWN (Sophie B. Hawkins) For some reason reminds me of Mama Shirl and chokes me up on the rare occasion I hear it. May it have the same affect on you.
- Those most affected by my passing at the time of the occurrence get to plan the wake. Make it as long as you like and make it fun. My Moms wake was so much fun for me, hugging and visiting with so many people I hadn’t seen in ages. The energy was amazing. So make sure you take advantage of the occasion to catch up with people you love. I will love watching that.
- No cell phones, netbooks, or pdas allowed. I love texting as much as the next gal but I would like your undivided attention just this once. You can Facebook and Twitter my funeral party later. On second thought… Twittering the whole shin dig would be cool!
- This is most important. It’s okay to cry all you need to, but make sure you laugh more and leave feeling good, however you need to accomplish it.
- Instead of having a big dinner afterward, please rent a hall or something, get a dj and have a big party, like a wedding reception. In fact, plan the whole day accordingly and dance til midnight. Or dawn. Play cards. Eat veggie pizza, bowtie caesar pasta, and cheesy potatoes. Nobody gets to watch their carbs at my funeral. Another non negotiable thing.
So that’s it for my funeral. You are almost looking forward to it, right? My point is, why does a funeral have to be stuffy and sad? And why do rules have to be followed that allegedly honor the deceased? The best thing you can do to honor your passing loved ones is to stay true to you and them. As a daughter saying goodbye to her mother it lifted my spirits to the heavens to watch my Aunts sneaking make up and hair supplies into the wake to fix Mom’s hair and face to be more true to her. And the few people who had the boldness to drop quarters in her casket and into the ground at the burial… I knew how much they loved her and shared her joy of the slots. I hope my loved ones honor me in the most kind, loving, unconventional and inappropriate ways that they know I would appreciate.
Well? What do you think? Would you now advise Leslie to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral? Or are you still a supporter of convential mourning? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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Usually when the points about the funeral comes then any person get sad about it but this is the first time that i have got the different reaction from the person & that is you !you are just having a very different concept to a funeral & the most lovable point for me it was that if you would be 110 then also you would like to wear a black outfit to look hot !nice thoughts in my point of view that is the spirit of life & death!
interesting… i hope i can make it to your funeral… sounds like fun… would be a little weird though….
Ive thought for my funeral too. You be much better if everyone laughs and get a big party instead of crying. Unfortunately its impossible and would only stay in my dreams. Its natural for the people to cry on funerals and we cant change that.
we all scare of the funeral but i get very scared when i see the white cloth on the body but as you are gonna wear a black outfit ,i dont know what it would be either a gown or a frock a nightie or today’s modern Skirt ,it dosent matter but it would be something different for us to feel!
When someone asks for going in the funeral i get sad but as you are going to celebrate in your own way just like a rocking party with some of the gusts as ghosts & the white cloth flying in the air ,the vampires celebration with the lots of dancing & a Champagne flora wow it would be a different scenario to feel the enjoyment !
You are totally right. Why does funerals have to be borring and black? I have only been to 2 funerals in my life. My dearest old neighbour and one of my friends who died of cancer. The last one was great. The family wanted a funeral with all the friends from school singing songs or telling stories. The school chorus sang “let the sunshine in” and i sang “tears in heaven” with a friend who played guitar. It was a great funeral and i think that he would have liked it that way.
Hey i love your spirit! i agree Leslie should go barefooted in fact i also would like to be remembered in the same way, for the way i was …or for the way people love me.I think mourning in your fashion will make people more comfortable, as they will be able to pour out their feelings without any hesitation as you wont be around.I think wake is a great idea of getting over someone’s lose. When you share stories about the deceased person. But darling again not everyone is like you and there are persons about whom we can not talk so much and also that they like the idea of conventional style of mourning.
I believe death is merely a transition. I know it’s easy to say because I’m not faced with the prospect of someone close to me dying right now. But I do believe it’s true.
I think funerals should be viewed as a send off and should be positive and up lifting. (no pun intended!)
Great post!
I think you’re right, funerals should be a celebration of life rather than an extremely sad event. On the other hand, I can’t imagine a happy funeral because people are usually pretty devastated at the loss of the person who died.
I believe death is merely a transition. I know it’s easy to say because I’m not faced with the prospect of someone close to me dying right now. But I do believe it’s true.
love the post! just decided i’m going to do the same thing on my funeral… i’ll come up with a list of things that i want on my funeral… the bottom line is, rather than have a sad atmosphere, it has to be fun, there has to be a happy vibe to it…
Very nice article. I completely agree that a paradigm shift is needed regarding funerals. I’ve always felt that funerals are more for the living than the dead. The departed soul is free yet we tend to be consumed with our own pain beause we aren’t ready and/or able to let go of them. I don’t know, maybe I’m strange, but I’ve always looked at funerals as a graduation of sorts instead of looking at it as a tragedy.
The best thing you can do to honor your passing loved ones is to stay true to you and them.
Wow I have to admit that this is really a original post. I never thought about death in this terms. very interesting, thanks!
you are truly right we all know that everybody in this world has came here for a short time after that everybody goes to that end!we cannot reject this truth ,so why to be sad?just chill guys!after all when we go for the funeral we should say that person has been saved from this mysterious & bloody world!i would like to come to the funeral of yours if i’ll be live that time!thanks!till now i have been faced two road accidents but still,Damn i am live!
Wow such a great read, however I still find talking about death morbid. It just makes me realize how short life really is and it makes me sad but I really enjoyed your post.
You seem to be reading day and night looking for good stuff to post lol
Hi, I like your thoughts! I have never seen before your kind of people. You are really great and thanks for this post.
People wish to live life long, they fear death a lot and all know many of us do. I wish i die without troubling any one and people should miss me so much.
i am very scared because all the guys & commentators in cluding you are discussing the horrible topics!after all i am a little girl please help me to make myself calm dawn!
Heya bro, i would like to make you remember that death is just a transition, all Hoax connected to it are just our mind concepts and nothing, Things are as it is, you name them as Good or Bad, as jesus said “I will come again after death”, dosen’t signifies that he will come up by being a ghost, it means “He will reincarnate again and that is the rule of eternal lord”.
So leave all those worries of death, and live a life like a King
Amen
Rather interesting. Has few times re-read for this purpose to remember. Thanks for interesting article. Waiting for trackback
Its natural for the people to cry on funerals and we cant change that.
Nice post….nice idea of funeral…you respect your self a lot.
Considering funerals are a somber, dignified occasion at which to pay your respects to the recently deceased before you say goodbye and send them off, it may not seem “respectful” to show up without your shoes.
First, this is a great site. Second, about your article, it good to think about your death. I think it makes you appreciate your present moment and live the now.