Big Girls Don’t Cry

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What a stupid saying.  Seriously.  I am not sure if it is because I am sensitive to the last few years of weight gain and I feel like they’re saying fat girls like me are not allowed to cry, or if I am sensitive to my arrival at 40 and I’m being told that old ladies like me aren’t supposed to cry.  Either way, whoever coined that phrase is a moron and should be held responsible for damages caused to the female psyche.

The idea behind the statement was originally targeted toward little girls growing past the age where tantrums and meltdowns are appropriate, I get that.  But then maybe the saying should have been something like “girls over the age of 6 don’t lay down on the floor, pounding their fists and screaming until they get their way”.  Or something similar.  I am sure Fergie could have made a song equally as catchy using that title instead. :-)

The problem is we stretched it out to mean more.  As girls we had that saying in our minds when someone was mean to us at school and we decided not to be a tattle tale that time.  When our hearts got broken the saying floated through our minds again as we held the pain inside and moved on.  By the time we become wives and mothers we have pretty  much convinced ourselves that no one is interested in hearing our problems.  Big girls don’t cry. Wives don’t cry.  And mothers definitely do not cry.  Women have advanced abilities in keeping their pain locked up inside and putting on a smile while tending to their household duties and doing their best to make everyone feel good around them. (Now there’s a snappy song title!) Succeeding at the latter makes it all worthwhile.

But sometimes there is a flaw.  Or maybe a user error.  What happens when the whole system backfires?

Women are twice as likely to suffer depression than men.  Why is that?  Men have a tremendous amount of stress and responsibility.  But just as we have come to accept that men have that inherent “hunter gatherer” thing, women are inherently “nurturing”.  We cannot help it that we love babies.  We want to feed and please the people in our lives.  At our very core we want to make those around us be happy and healthy.

Anti-depressants,  appetite suppressants, and energy boosters are replacing the cherished tradition of eating a quart of ice cream as the standard for dealing with our emotions.  Isn’t it enough already?

Remember the old saying representing our male counter parts? “Real men don’t eat quiche.”  Remember?  Well guess what!  They do! They love quiche and fruity girly drinks too!  AND they wear pinkand enjoy a good chick flick. You might even get your ass kicked by a tough guy wearing black nail polish if you’re at the right bar.  Their masculine identifiers are as outdated as “Don’t wear white after Labor Day.”  I move that from here on out we no longer acknowledge the saying, “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”  If we need a little help, we’ll ask for it, and if we are sad we don’t have to smile anyway.  Even if it’s only in private, ladies, we must acknowledge our own feelings and let them out from time to time.

Who’s with me?

28 thoughts on “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

  1. Pingback: Daily News About Depression : A few links about Depression - Thursday, 30 April 2009 07:47

  4. As girls we had that saying in our minds when someone was mean to us at school and we decided not to be a tattle tale that time. a child can be big for other but he will child always for their parents.

  5. How come? I think that was just another way of saying girls should be stronger as the age matures, crying over a problem is no way a solution. Instead of crying, face and solve it. I think that’s the thought there.

  7. Women loves talking to themselves and always have negative thoughts.Men are more focus and don’t have a good imaginative system.This cause women to have depression easily.

  8. BINGO you are right. No matter how “grown up” I have to be, I will still crawl right up into my parents lap and enjoy when the buy me a candy bar or something at the store. LOL. Somethings never change.

    FASHION SHOP! Women do not have negative thoughts! Given the choice we would have a world full of sunshine & smiling, unicorns, butterflies, birds singing, glitter, bronzing lotion, and margaritas. Then a man would come along and shoot the birds, steal the unicorn’s horn for black market sale and steal all the tequila for our margaritas! At THAT point, yes, we may have a negative thought or two, but it is not our nature! :-)

    PORTUGESE… Crying won’t solve the problem you are right. But it is a good release after conquering a challenge. I wasn’t really just talking about crying though, I just meant it is bad for a person to repress their thoughts and feelings. It causes stress and health problems.

    Hmmm. I am going to be over here now with my friend ADDICTION RECOVERY. Did you bring the tissues?

    Thank you everyone for your comments! I noticed some first time commenters. I am so glad you find me. :-)

  9. This world s full of Myth Busters and I think we are doing the same all the time. I am wondering who is not doing that? Perhaps they cry in loneliness but I always share my wife’s sad feelings and her cries. At least it make her happy after that and she always feel better.

  10. You keep busting those myths ZYAPA! Your wife is lucky. :-)
    Truthfully, I was just having a little fun up there. I don’t really think anyone fits a stereotype… not even you silly men! :-)

  26. Hey man your article was really interesting and it was very relevant to me!Thanks for helping me solve my problems!I will definitely read more of your posts in the future!