Sibling Rivalry

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I don’t really have any tips or advice to offer on this topic.  I actually need your help.  My kids fighting is driving me nuts!

I have mentioned before how much I love Supernanny but I have learned that that love has limits.  When I am watching the show, in a good and calm state of mind, I absorb everything like a sponge.  It all makes sense.  But when I am fired up and looking for specific guidance she just ticks me off.  At those times I want to beat her over the head with her “techniques”.  I like SAYING “technique” when talking about the solution to a problem that does not affect me.  But I don’t like it being recommened to me when I am in a foul mood.

I also don’t want to be told how to breathe properly (a breathing technique!) to diffuse my heightened irritation.  I looked up “ADD” in her guide, at a time I was fired up, and she told me that I had to just accept the fact that I couldn’t be in control of every situation when it comes to my ADD kid, that I needed to learn to compromise.  And breathe.  Doesn’t that sound crazy?

I guess it really doesn’t now that I think about it from a calm state of mind.  That breathing thing is a great tip.  I taught my kids to use it themselves when they are frustrated with me or one another.  Funny that they have mastered it when it comes to me.  They can handle their anger through breathing when it comes to me but not when dealing with each other.

The only trigger involved when the fights begin between my son and daughter is that they are both present.  As soon as on walks in the same room as the other BAM! They are poking and prodding and yelling at each other.  In all other areas my kids are great.  For the most part they listen, they do their chores, they do homework and work hard at school, but when they get in their zone they cannot even hear me trying to settle them down.

I was an only child and I cannot understand this behavior.  I guess when it gets right down to it, it is not the issue of handling it that is turning me gray, but just understanding WHY.

Anyone?

8 thoughts on “Sibling Rivalry”

  1. There are 2 books that I have read that have helped me. I know it’s hard to find time to read too and these books are set up so you can skim and get the gist too. Siblings Without Rivalry and Just Tell Me What to Say.

    My kids were fighting in the car and it was driving me insane! JTMWTS suggested pulling the car over and stopping and waiting for them to be ready to ride nicely. After only 2 or 3 stops (over maybe 2 days) they know that they need to ride in the car nicely or Mom will stop. Brilliant!

    There are little gems like this in both books.

    I am like you though, I like the ideas in theory but in practice I’m too involved or something. I find the less I intervene the better they are at solving their own issues with one another.

  2. Im an only child too, i have always seen my friends fight with their siblings, sometimes they even asked me “dont you want my sister???!!” I always said yes!! Because i wanted some sibling so bad. But i guess its hard to understand when you dont have any brothers or sister to fight with.

  5. Regarding your blog , I am the oldest of 3 siblings the other 2 are male.There are 5 years between me and one brother and 12 years between the other , Growing up I hated and fought with the brother closer to my age and when the baby brother came along there was no arguing and fighting . So I am guessing and it is just that a guess that is has to do with the age prehaps the closeness in age as to why they argue like that.Free Bingo

  6. Siblings without rivalry is an excellent book that is very useful and very easy to read. I highly recommend that book. In fact, I also recommend ‘How to Talk so Kids Will Listen….” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. They do work!

  7. A little sibling rivalry is good as it makes us aware that we have to share and care and when they enter the outside world they can cope with problems with more ease.