Work for Yourself Headgames

I am a freelance writer. I am a freelance writer. My real estate license has expired, I no longer have access to real estate data bases, and can no more tell you about Flint real estate than Branson real estate. Why? Because I am a freelance writer!

I have to keep saying it because I don’t believe it and I think it sounds silly sometimes. When I was younger all I wanted was to be a writer. I dreamed of having a pen name and a byline. I think what makes it tough to wrap my brain around is that it never really “happened.” Knowwhatimean? It’s like – no one ever said, ‘”Ok you’re hired. Fill out this paperwork, choose a pen name and get to work.” I knew without question I was a video store clerk because I had a name tag that said so. I completed paperwork, got my hand shaken, and was told “You’re hired, Welcome aboard,” when I started selling eyeglasses and managing the optical office. People came in looking for the frame buyer and they were directed to me. I had no identity crisis issues. But being a freelancer happened so gradually. My pen name just evolved and one day I found myself not just dabbling writing web content for fun, but receiving regular payments into my PayPal account – for stuff I had written.

When did this happen? Who hired me? Where’s my paperwork? My “welcome?” My name tag?

Duh! Every time I do work for a new client, I fill out paperwork. I get many greetings, welcomes, and thank yous. I guess I could make myself a name tag if I’m so unimaginative that I cannot process the fact otherwise. But that shouldn’t be the case. Creativity and imagination are prerequisites for my job. That’s why I hired me.

Whooooah. I hired me. I’m my boss. The trouble I’m having wrapping my brain about my new awesome situation is probably only 50% accepting the fact that I have achieved a major life goal, and another 50% dealing with being my own boss. I believed hard core in my 20s that the only way to really be appreciated and rewarded for the good work you do comes from working for yourself. Being an entrepreneur. I lost track of that in my late 30s when I became a parent, gave up my consulting business and all my conscious thoughts and efforts went into parenthood. But apparently I had embedded that pretty deep in my subconscious and it kept plugging away, even when I was distracted for a bit. So now here I am, in possession of what I always wanted – and there’s nobody to blame but me. If the money’s not right it’s not because I didn’t get the raise I deserved, it is because as the employee I didn’t do the work or as the boss I didn’t manage the business right.

The more time that passes away from real estate, the less I identify with it and all my other jobs – and the more comfortable I am saying “I’m a freelance writer.” I suppose more confidence will come when my income comes more in par with previous earnings at other jobs, but that’s not going to reach its full potential until I handle these other issues. I’ve been having little epiphanies for the last month or so about acknowledging my successes and taking myself seriously as a business. I wonder if anybody else has experienced this or can identify with the phases I’m facing? Who ever imagined that achieving big life goals would be so difficult to accept?

One thought on “Work for Yourself Headgames

  1. In my case, I’m a freelance working online too but for years I never look myself as that. Maybe because I never planned to be this way and I’m seeing myself as successful someone in a different field. Until just recently I got tired of chasing my dreams and realize maybe I’m meant to be a freelance online.

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