Category Archives: Family and Parenting

Mom is Not Here Right Now. Please Leave a Message.

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So I was at the video store engaged in a conversation with the clerk about the advantages of joining their club. He shared some funny stories about his kids and joked about how many popcorn buckets I was buying. All in all a lovely conversation except for the awareness of something noisy and aggravating behind me in the far distance. Only as I became less focused on the beeping of the POS gun scanning my choices before me, and more aware of my surroundings I realized the annoyance was not in the distance, but right behind me. Once I was fully tuned back in I realized it was my kids running wild in the video store.

Can you say you have never honestly been there? Never focused so hard on what you were trying to hear or do that became briefly unaware that your kids were present and going wild?

I remember before I had kids I would be appalled at what children got away with in public. How loud and rambunctious they were while mom seemed not to care. I realize now that what I mistook as uncaring and lack of courtesy was actually the glazed over gaze of a woman trying to survive.

I am glad to say that most of the time my kids are actually great. But when their wild mood comes at a time when I must get something accomplished, that is when I tune right out. Take the grocery store for instance. Early on I was very strict in the store. I tried to correct them on everything they touched and every inappropriate remark they made. The only thing I really accomplished was spending twice as much and forgetting half of what I needed, such was my lack of focus.

That’s when I came into possession of the gift. I had heard of the phenomenon before, the ability of a parent to tune out completely from the chaos behind her and carry on with her business as if she had not a distraction in the world. I have gotten so good at it that it is as if I exist on two different planes. I am not only tuned out and into the grocery zone and unaware of any noise around me, but I am also shooshing the kids and periodically corralling them with my arm without even realizing it. Some kind of crazy autopilot.

No amount of wishing or trying will bring it on. You just realize one day that you have acquired it, like when you’re at line at the video store trying to figure out if you rent enough movies to justify joining the club.

I know we all use the term “tune out” or its equivalent. But that time at the video store was the most aware I have ever been of it. Have you acquired your ability to tune out yet? What’s your number one place to tune out?

Focus on Family for Success

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It is difficult to be happy when everything is out of order. The house is a mess, life is hectic and days are flying by. We try to GET ORGANIZED and SET PRIORITIES but we don’t know where to start. So I ask you this. What is your main objective? To be the biggest brown noser at work? Doubt it.  To be presented with a big brass plaque with your name embossed in giant bronze letters? Probably not.  I am sure your answer is some form of “a happy and healthy family.” And if so, you answered your own question. The only way to get the happiness and success in life that you desire is to focus first on family.

That sounds great except for two things
• Your boss doesn’t take “No” for an answer and there is always the chance that your job won’t be there for you if do not treat it right.
• Your family DOES take “No” for an answer and regardless how much you put them on the back burner, they will still be there for you. Waiting.

Now doesn’t that sound sad? Now I am not naïve enough to say that you should necessarily ease up at work or tell your boss to shove it for being demanding. That would make me a hypocrite. But what I do suggest is to make just one change on your daily to do list as well as your long term goal. Put your family in your number one slot.

Although there is a good chance that stepping back for a minute and reviewing your routine would provide opportunities to shift things around and make more balance, that is a more advanced step. What we are talking about right now is much more simple, one step strategy. The importance of everyone, regardless of work status or time spent at home, to start each day doing something nice for or with their family. Whether it be waking up fifteen minutes early to make pancakes and strawberries for breakfast or turning your phone off until everyone is off to school. These are small things that make a big impact on our families and send them off for the day feeling good. For you, the simple act of thinking of your family first thing when you wake up will set the pace for the day and keep family at the front of your mind as you make your choices throughout the day.

I just recently started doing this myself, inspired by an interview I saw with Dr. Wayne Dyer who starts each day with an act of kindness. I was blown away. Hubby has a commute gets up for work at 2 or 3 in the morning, depending on the day. So I made a habit of setting the coffee timer at night and setting a pretty table for him in the morning with his cereal bowl and variety of cereals before him. It sounds silly but it makes him happy in the morning and less lonely feeling at that hour. I have been struggling to come up with kind and loving things to say or do when I wake my kids up in the morning but beyond heart shaped pancakes and strawberries I seem to be stumped!

Anybody have any ideas?!

Sacrifices and Such

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As mothers and wives we make sacrifices, don’t we ladies? We prepare food to please the household, give up girl time/me time if it means someone else can do something important to them, our tv viewing changes, we give up Eminem for Kids Bop, and we never take the last donut. If you’re like me you don’t really mind because none of those things makes you as happy as does the happiness of your family. But when they’re gone and you find yourself alone for a day or two in the house – You can get wild and have whatever you want! For me this weekend, while Hubs & kids went tubing to give me some time to catch up at work, that meant CHICKEN NACHOS! Mmhm. With lots of spicy pepper, onions, scallions, and cilantro. Not your “family” nachos at all. And ohh yeeeahhh -

I blackened the edges of the chips just a little bit.  Is your mouth watering? Mine was! Too bad my V3 was still going strong and only let me eat a few bites. Barely made a dent in it! Just wait til Mama’s mojito time later. I’ll make up for it then.  ;) What tiny things have you given up that didn’t fit in with family life? 

 

Learning to Live Without

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My LP blogged last week about money. I’m copying her. She won’t mind. We both agree that money is a pain in the neck lately.

Okay. Maybe it’s not money itself that is causing so much headache, but like LP says, the fact that everything we want/need to do costs it. And so much of it! We were supposed to be going to a blogging conference together but money has rained on our social media parade. Airfare is almost $500. That’s hard to justify, especially when the family doesn’t get a vacation or anything fun this summer. So we’re trying to unload our conference tickets and move on. We have requested tickets to Anderson Cooper’s daytime show for December so we’re planning better and saving up for that airfare and lodging right now.

On a smaller, day to day, scale – money is putting a damper on quality of life at every turn. Gas prices have made it so we have to really think before going anywhere – even to visit friends who just live a town over. We have to seriously ration food. I’m not exaggerating this. My 15 year old bean pole son eats CON-STAN-TLY! I am thrilled about it because he is finally hitting that growth spurt that gets him out of the bottom percentile so I have to encourage it. But it’s stressful at the same time because my fridge is running on empty these days just like the gas tank! =)

A few weeks ago someone stole a duffel bag from my driveway when I wasn’t looking. It was full of make up, hair accessories & product, and little girls clothing. I cried. Hubs was like, “over react much?” He had no idea the value of that bag’s contents and how impossible it would be to replace it all at once. I got a few pieces of make up from my mother in law that was helpful. I’ve just adapted and learned to do without the other stuff. Like I have learned to live without so many other things over the last few years. Most of the time I’m flippant about it, but right now I’m feeling kinda pissy. Probably exhausted from the funeral and all the time surrounding it. In the grand scheme of things, losing a bag of goodies is minuscule to losing a great Father In Law.  But I can’t  curse the the robbers of my Father In Law now can I?  There’s no one for me to get mad at for that. I’ll never get either one back and it’s been really hard  learning to live without him. So where do I put all this anger and resentment? On a stupid bag, my stupid hair, and the stupid person that screwed it all up.

This isn’t a blog about money at all, is it?

Adopting Older Kids: The Lost Years

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I never wanted to adopt a baby. I knew when I was a child that I wanted to adopt an older child when I grew up. Something at an early age brought to my attention the need for local adoptions and the knowledge that most people interested in adopting children wanted babies. Nobody wanted kids beyond toddler age. So those older kids became my cause. When the time was right, I researched how to adopt a child, decided on a Michigan adoption, contacted an adoption agency, and got prepared. Or so I thought. Eight years later and I still consider myself unprepared. There were so many things, obvious and less than obvious, that I found out about the adoption process and what to expect after. But there is so much more that can never be taught. If I could add one section to the adoption education manual it would be called, “There will be so many challenges to face that we can’t cover in this class and accepting that fact now is the only preparation you can make.”

All adoption situations are different. We knew that going in. The children we were adopting were 3 and 7 years old. We understood that although they were siblings, each of their situations and set of challenges would be very different. Their experiences had been different, their foster homes had been different, their diagnoses were different, and their symptoms were different. We were prepared for that and each individual scenario that sprouted. We studied childhood depression & anxiety, fetal alcohol syndrome, attachment disorder, ADD/ADHD, drugs & alcohol pregnancies, night terrors, and the behaviors and appropriate parent responses to all these things. I wouldn’t say that I thought things would be easy. I knew they were going to be difficult and that there would be sleepless nights, battles of will, broken cherished items, and a complete change in life. But I did think I was armed. I thought I had the systems and tools in place to handle everything. And maybe for the big things I did. It was the little things that slipped through the cracks, and 8 years later are haunting me.

Having a baby comes with things like baby showers and first year birthday parties. Bringing home a 3 and 7 year old means never having a need for registering at Babies R Us or picking out 1st birthday invitations. And I honestly never went to a child’s birthday party and thought “Awww. I wish we could have done that.” I never thought there was anything specific to adapt to or that I regretted not being able to do with regards to the years before we knew the children. Eight years later that is still true except it’s not. It is true that there is nothing within those early years that I wish I could have experienced – except the years themselves.

My kids are 11 and 15 years old. But to me – for the length of time I have had them and for what I feel in my guts, they are both only 8 years old. I have only had 8 years with my son, and somehow I am supposed to turn him loose in a car next year, as well as teach him everything he needs to know about life, earning a living, and being a good man within the next THREE years. I’m suddenly feeling panicked. For 8 years we have done alright, moving from one post adoption challenge to the next – getting them off meds, severe behavior problems, school, friends & socialization, eating, sleeping, nightmares, stealing, self esteem – and then I made the mistake of picking my head up and looking around for a minute. It’s 2011. It’s been 8 years. It’s time to start thinking about pushing one of my babies out of the nest – and I’ve only had him for 8 stupid, hard, tear filled, years.

I thought we’d be more settled by now. Have some time to sit back and sigh and enjoy the job well done by the whole family, before the oldest gets up and walks out the door into his life. But it looks like it’s going to be more like a race to the finish, trying to fit everything in and fighting the whole way as he runs out the door. I’m sure the end result will be the same. He’ll be well adjusted, prepared for the world, he’ll have a plan, and he’ll be a good man. But what about me? When do I get to hug him and hold him and enjoy how special he is without the pressure of grades, responsibility, behavior, attitude and anger putting a wedge between us? Does that only happen in those younger years when there is a lifetime ahead to teach and do everything there is that needs to be taught and done?

I knew adopting older children wouldn’t be easy. And when I set out to do it, it was 100% to help a kid that needed a home. I wasn’t looking for anything in return. But now I’m older and I’m in love with them. Tired of all the teaching and the fighting and I just want to pull them in my lap and love them. I guess that’s what I missed out on in those lost years.

Sun Tea – the Easiest Chore for Lazy Summer

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Thank you to cogdogblog for letting me borrow this awesome pic til I find mine! :)

In my household the adults are almost as excited for summer vacation as the kids. Why? No homework, and later bedtimes and rise times. After all those months of being on such a strict schedule it’s a relief to have some breathing room in our routine. I learned the hard way though that a flexible schedule still needs some structure and activity.

It may seem mean to some to have summer chores lined up for every day right from the beginning but without them, the kids don’t know what to do with themselves. They overdose on video games, stay in bed, raid the kitchen and waste food out of boredom, and eventually start fighting with one another and complaining. I don’t know about you but I am not on summer vacation and I cannot work under those circumstances. I wish I could play with them and entertain them all day but I can’t. I can, however, give them some daily responsibilities. When mixed in with scheduled fun activities, it reminds them NOT to bicker and complain about being bored, since Mom always has something for them to do. To keep them engaged and not waking up feeling like Cinderella every day, though, I try to make their to – do lists interesting by making rhymes and throwing in fun tasks that make them feel needed and accomplished.

The favorite summer chore is making the sun tea. It is very easy to make and the kids like being involved in making something that Dad and I enjoy and look forward to drinking every day. I write the directions out in the middle of the chore list so they can pretty much handle it on their own – it makes them feel independent - but I am nearby in case there is a question. I will include the directions that I write for my kids right below here so that you may share with your little Cinderellas. Don’t forget to modify the specifics to suit your household. :)

How do you keep your kids motivated & active during the summer> Do they have a favorite “chore?”

Drew & Sari’s instructions for sun tea

The iced tea pitcher is at the top right of the pantry. Bring it to the counter by the sink.

Rinse the pitcher out with cold water by filling it up once and dumping the water out.

Put 2 scoops of sugar from the big black spoon (that’s 1 1/2 cups) in the bottom of the jar.

Now fill the pitcher almost to the top with cold water. Don’t worry about the exact amount, you can’t get it wrong. I aim for just below the neck of the pitcher.

Open 14 tea bags being careful not to break the paper tabs off the strings. If you do it’s okay. It just makes it easier if you don’t. :)

Gently take hold of the tabs and strings so that the tea bags are hanging in a bunch and dip them up and down in the pitcher of water a few times. Each time they will go a little deeper as they get heavier from soaking up water. After 3 or so gentle dips, leave the bags floating on top of the water.

Put the lid on tight.

Pick a sunny spot outside on the back deck, like the patio table or the the grill counter.

Set the kitchen timer for 4 hours.

When the timer goes off, bring the tea in, gently stir it up or shake the jar a bit. Now it’s ready to pour over a glass of ice and enjoy. Thank you.

$5 Off ROAST-e Order – Mama Has a Coupon Code!

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As I have experimented over time monetizing my blogs, I have settled on making money for content, not ads. I feel it gives me more control to be able to adapt certain keyword links into sincere blog posts, rather than accept money to actually advertise for a company by putting their banner up, regardless of whether or not I like the product or how ugly their ad is. This is still the case. HOWEVER. NEVER SAY NEVER. THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE. And so on.

This, by the way, is not a paid post. If I’m yammering on about how much I like something, it is sincere. I don’t do paid reviews.  Unless I was asked to SAMPLE and review something I have mad passionate love for like say…. Adam Lambert or Moscato… I would accept those jobs of course, but disclose that it was paid. :)

I think that Groupon ad is so PRETTY! lol. I think it enhances the scenery AND I think Groupon is a cool company.  Have you ever read their ads? I have a clear memory of me sitting at the doctor’s office where I worked in my 20s-30′s, reading over tons of boring technical optical stuff. At that time I was considering going back to school for technical writing and I remember saying, “why does everything have to be so boring? I could write this manual and make it fun!”  Of course I talked myself out of the field. (surprise!) Over the years, though, lots of companies have taken on more personality in their text. Groupon is one of the best.  I don’t know WHY they haven’t hired me yet.  But that’s something different.

So Groupon is fun and pretty. Whitesmoke is a grammar correcting program so that represents me I feel, too. And like I said. I like aliens. But the real reason for my update is Roast-e! I decided to run their banner because I like coffee and I liked their style of communication and the way they described their company to me.  I gave them a tiny square ad spot. I am going to go bigger I think now that I’ve researched and sampled the company.

Using my own banner link so I could see what happens if someone clicks through, I scanned the products, coffee, coffee makers, and accessories… and plugged in two criteria. “Organic” and “Fair trade.” I was actually looking for direct trade but clicked the wrong button. Anyway, was given a selection, made my choice, put in the discount code the company gave me, and checked out with PayPal. You can use any method of payment, but I love PayPal so that was a bonus for me. Got my coffee two days later and am drinking it right now. Actually, it smelled so good it woke me up this morning when Tim brewed some at 3am before work. Or maybe it was the bean grinder that woke me up first. REGARDLESS. It smells good. And now I can confirm how good it tastes. I even dropped a swirl of organic agave sweetener in instead of sugar. I’m feeling all kinds of good right now.

It really was a good experience from beginning to end. The product passes my test.The website is pleasant and user friendly. The company is really interesting too. Their social conscience is enhanced by their apparent use of a social business model. Two of my favorite things. AND with the $5 off coupon code, it was financially satisfying too. And now they tell me I can pass the discount on to you! There is a 10% first off first order code on the website but don’t use that unless you place a big order. You know, do the math is all I’m sayin. BLOGME5 is the code for $5 off.

Enjoy!

When Helping and Selling Collide

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I have something exciting to share. I know what you’re going to say, “Everybody has something to sell, Cin, and everybody online is selling a product.” Maybe so. But I didn’t have one until now. And it has been tough for me to share with people, even though I’m so enthused about it because whether you’re reading a blog or talking to me in person, it’s natural to see things as marketing and selling. And I don’t want to be that to my friends and family. But I do want to share something great in case it’s just what you’ve been looking for. If you’re on my Facebook you know I run my mouth and share every damn thought that crosses my mind, whether it’s about politics, the new soap I bought, the wine I’m drinking or the delicious chips I just ate. But I’ve been holding back on this because I stand to help myself by offering to help you.  How stupid is that?

Anyway, all the fuss is about a brand new nutritional supplement called V3. Have you heard of it?

It’s often marketed as a diet pill because it can be a powerful weight loss tool if that’s what you want from it. But I hesitate to call it that because it is so much more than a diet pill – if you don’t want to lose weight it’s good for you too. And even though I was originally excited about it because I thought I had finally found a replacement for my old friend (the original) Metabolife to help me shed my adoption weight – What? You got rounder eating for 2 and making room for a tiny human growing in your body and I quit working out and ate my feelings to deal with a stressful adoption. Same thing! Now where was I? V3 weight loss, my original excitement, right! But although other people focused on weight loss lost lots of weight safely, my amazement has come in the form of being HAPPY! Let me explain.

V3 has 3 main goals – increased energy, enhanced mood, and suppressed appetite. In achieving those things you are also motivated to work out, inspired and empowered to work out longer and more effectively, drink more water, eat healthier, focus, have longer productive days, and get better quality sleep.

Here’s me Pre-V3…

I work from home. I snack. I eat bad food that makes me tired. I lose focus. I drink energy drinks then crash while serving dinner. By homework time I’m trying to survive the crash, grouchy, NOT enjoying my family, and often falling asleep on the couch with work still left to be done. Then starting the next day behind and doing the whole thing again. Sound familiar? I will post this on Facebook and there won’t be a soul who knows me who will read this and accuse me of exaggerating my symptoms and poor habits. (Although there will be some people who only know me know and will be shocked.) I am actually so prone to depression – environmental and clinical – that I spent a few months in bed, avoiding everyone, and became completely reclusive. I still am in recovery, I like to be home, safe. I’m working on it. Making progress, right Ladies?! But I can’t believe that other me was ever me. Sure I get down in the dumps on occasion like everybody else, but SHEESH! Get outta bed, Crazy! :) Oh well. Not anymore. Do I credit V3 for all my healing? Of course not. But it gave me some helpful assistance.

My focus and discipline during my work hours has quadrupled. (My writing business has grown) I have actually added hours to my day and I smile from the time I wake up until I go to bed. I rarely snack, I never crash. I have time to spend with my family because I finished all my work during the day. (My family is happier) I sleep better at night and I wake up CRAZY easier. I used to have private tantrums in bed when the alarm went off. My kids missed school because I was so beat from a succession of nights without quality sleep. Now, whether I go to bed at 10 or 2, I never wake up grouchy because my quality of sleep has improved so much. (I am happier)

***If I don’t get enough hours of sleep, no matter how good it is, I will feel sleepy and motivated to go to bed by 9 or 10 the next night. The V3 doesn’t mask tiredness or allow me to deprive myself of sleep (or food or anything) but it just keeps everything balanced and in good working order so that I can best handle whatever happens in my day.

I really hope this is coming across as excited and not a big old ad! :) I started off in a bad place so not everyone is going to go as bajiggety as I did because they don’t have as much healing to do. But if you can relate to ANY of those things I just described, or if you loved the energy of the old Metabolife like I did, I know you would love it. It was actually developed by the same woman that developed Metabolife! It is a safer, body friendly version though. You can take it for any or all of its health benefits for a long time with no side effects. Unlike other popular diet pills -RX AND over the counter – and energy boosters that cause rage, numbness, thrush mouth, and such after 6 weeks or so (if they even remain effective that long). The all natural ingredients really are an enriching supplement to your body’s chemistry. There are people on my team whose blood and sugar levels have become so balanced since starting V3 that they’ve gone off their blood pressure medication and reversed their diabetes WITH their doctor’s consent. Myself, no more Prozac for me. =) OR ENERGY DRINKS or naps. Just feeling good.

So! If it sounds like the miracle in a bottle you’ve been searching for, buy some. If you’re intrigued, ask for a free sample. If you’re perfectly happy, healthy, balanced, and ready for bikini season I hate you anyway and I don’t care what you do. But here’s the website, use the number 1641419 to get you through the areas it asks for it, and proceed however suits you. That everyone knows about it is all that matters to me :) However, if over the next year as it explodes and surpasses the popularity of Metabolife I find out that you bought some off the shelf or from a stranger instead of me – I will hunt you down. You’ve been warned.

Current V3 users! Please comment here the good and the bad. I like to monitor its effect on people, being that it’s so new. I also want to collect testimonials to help other people decide if it’s right for them. :) I will also hunt you down if you don’t comply with this friendly request. You all know who you are. And so do I :)

Bring Mama Her Coffee

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I found another good product. Roast-e has a huge variety of coffees at prices not so different than those found at the grocery store. They’re certified, award winning. The website makes it easy to find something new to try that appeals to your senses & sensibilities! I was really excited to find some FAIR TRADE organic types to try. Have you ordered from Roaste.com before? If you’re a coffee drinker, click the link to the right and see if there’s anything you like. Then let us know what you think!

Lifting my Limitations

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I have come to see “freelancer,” and even “freelance writer” as meaning more than just “writing.” Editing is an obvious example of stretching the definition of services I would offer. Social media, too. It’s easy to see how that would all mesh together. But I have come across a lot of freelance job postings that make me wish I was a website builder. I have been chewing on the idea of getting educated in that area for a while, but it’s on hold for a minute while some other things pan out and whether or not I get the job at the University. In case I do, I don’t want to be spread too thin right from the start, and also there are probably classes i can take there to help me do what I want to do.

It will probably be a couple weeks before I know one way or another so I am just focusing on work I have for right now and continuing to expand the way I see freelancing and my business. Finally “The man” isn’t around to put limitations on me, why should I?