Radiant Heat Floors for Toasty Toes

I like this time of the year when the sun is still warm but the breeze is cold.  It is toasty during the day and chilly late at night and early in the morning.  It’s the time when you stop wishing you had central air and find yourself thinking about heated floors. 

Heated tile floors is one of those things on my mind for my “dream house” one day.  I always thought they were a difficult expensive home feature.  Maybe not.  New, more affordable products are being developed so that anyone can have the luxury of warm floors, even on a budget. You can even save money by installing the radiant heat tubing yourself which comes with a how to install heated floors manual.

I know slippers are cheaper and fun to pick out.  But they are hard to keep up with.  And the cutest ones keep falling off my feet anyway!  Wouldn’t it be nice to tip toe out into the kitchen onto heated tile floors first thing in the morning for a hot cup of coffee?  <sigh>  One day.

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I think education is in an odd spot right now. I draw this conclusion based on my own experiences.

I left college in 1988 or 9 just shy of an associate’s degree in something or other. I wasn’t on the right track to begin with then had some medical situations to deal with. Up until this point I have never wished to go back. I have taken a few literature classes just to stay sharp and have an excuse to write. Other than that, I have been too lucky with employment and salary to regret it.

Now I’m 40, working real estate when my mother of two children schedule allows it, and find myself pursuing the writing I wanted to do when I was nineteen but didn’t have the proper guidance. I was pushed into psychology and sociology because that’s what my profile recommended, and advised that the writing classes fill up too quickly and probably a waste of time. I only have about 3 do over requests in my life time. Accepting that advice is one of them.

So now I’m selling a little and I’m writing. And have also fallen into social media. I LOVE it. Feel passionate about it as in “change is in the air” excitement. I wonder if I am in the middle of a technology revolution. Historically speaking, I wonder at what point during revolutions past did folks actually realize that something big was really happening?

Anyway, I want to learn more about it. I am also suddenly craving that degree I never got now that I finally have this keen direction. I can’t afford it today, I don’t think, but I’m researching my options. I KNOW it will be challenging to juggle a school schedule with family. I need to think about that too. You might say, “I did it, you can too.” And I know you’re right. I am just thinking about how very needy my family is and not necessarily helpful around the house. I wonder if I want to bring on that extra stress right now.

Then I think… what about online courses? We are living in an internet & technology age. Surely there is education available out there. But as I look I find that there really isn’t that much available, accredited, that I feel good about. I am still looking. I did find this though. A private Catholic school I never heard of called Gonzaga University offers an online masters degree in NURSING and in COMMUNICATIONS! Two fields that will always be relevant.

Now for you snooty toots who think that such offerings diminish a school’s value… Gonzaga feels that it is accommodative to experienced professionals who want to continue their education but otherwise may not be able to due to commitments and obligations they already have with career and family. And if you wonder about Gonzaga’s credibility, they’ve received high praise from the likes of US News, the Princeton Report, and Kiplinger’s Personal Finance. You can GOOGLE them if you don’t believe me. Ha!

This particular program is not for me, of course. I’m still looking. But thought I’d pass it on for anyone who might be looking for just such an opportunity.

And in case you still are not sold on the idea that technology and social media are changing our lives at home AND in the workplace, here’s a video just for you!

How do you think the programs your kids watch today on tv stand up against what you watched back in your day?  I think about it in passing all the time but today I over heard the words “nether regions” and “num nums” used on a cartoon and I thought, “huh. Not sure how I feel about that.”  To be fair, that was the show “6Teen” which is geared toward teenagers, but still.  Anyway, for fun, I compared TV then to TV now.

The cartoon experience

Remember when Saturday mornings were the highlight of your life?  SCOOBY DOO, LAFF OLYMPICS, & SUPER FRIENDS were my favorites. Then Sundsay night was the Disney feature.  OMG that was so exciting.  Sadly, my kids today have no reason to be excited on Saturday mornings or Sunday evenings because they have all the same shows available to them 24/7.  There is no sense of something special or exclusive.

Same goes for after school.  I couldn’t wait to get home for SPEED RACER & LOONEY TUNES after school each day.  But today I am not aware that there is anything on that they can’t catch some other time.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing that they are NOT glued to the tv after school, it’s just a bummer that they don’t know that excitement we had at cartoon time when it was a more limited commodity.

programming quality

As much as I loved SCOOBY & LOONEY TUNES, though, and feel that scheduling was more exciting in my day, some of the programming is really good.  I really like I-CARLY, ZACK & CODY, and HANNAH MONTANA and can only imagine how I would have looked forward to shows like that in my day.

I would say it is the cartoon programming that gets under my skin. Is it just me or are the voices and sounds really high pitched and irritating?  I despise just hearing POKEMON in the background.  Then we have these visually ugly and depressing shows like CHOWDER, FLAPJACK & COURAGE THE DOG.  Why in the world would someone make these shows?  They are so unpleasant.  Do we really need these images influencing our kids?

Other than Pokemon my kids watch a lot of Boomerang which makes me happy because they are passing on these gloomy shows and instead watching things like THE PINK PANTHER.  That makes me sort of happy.  We really do limit our tv time but it’s hard, especially in the summer, when I work from home and need to create a few blocks of quiet time so I can stay focused.  TV and Wii are the only babysitter/daycare we can afford right now.  Now that I think about it, it’s probably the increased viewing hours this summer that have me so aware of kids programming right now.

What do you think?  Do you ever find yourself shocked by something you see or hear on your kids “kid shows”?

You know why I don’t want to work out at the gym?  The equipment is too crazy! I get intimidated trying to remember how to operate some of the machines, and frankly, I think it’s a little too dangerous! Take a good look at an elliptical machine.  There is just way too much going on for the average person to coordinate.  Two arms and two legs going in different directions.  It’s just not for me.  And how about the treadmill?  Well, actually I love the treadmill but have you seen some of these boneheads falling OFF them?

What is so funny about watching people fall?  I don’t know either, but it sure is!

Water, exercise, and attitude are health and weight loss supplements that are often over looked for pills, energy drinks, and special foods. The health powerhouse trio are on my mind because I go through these spurts of splurging and ignoring them. Do you ever find yourself doing that?

The last couple of weeks I have been ignoring them and I want to get back on track, so hopefully today’s post will be info and motivation for you and me both. Mostly me, though. No offense. I care about you too. But the carry on bags under my eyes have evolved into full size sets of luggage from lack of sleep (too much caffeine), my body feels sluggish (lack of exercise), and today I actually yelled at a stranger for pushing my buttons. (not good attitude)

Water

In the big picture water is helpful in disease prevention, fighting off bladder cancer and colon cancer.  Of course it does.  It flushes out the toxins and keeps your pipes clean.  That alone is reason enough to drink it.  But we often don’t pay attention to the long term benefits.  Day to day is what gets us.  Let me tell you what I have been experiencing day to day for the last couple of weeks.

I am bloated.  I am extremely fatigued through the day.  I am weak.  Whereas I usually have a spring in my step and bounce from spot to spot, simple movements are almost a chore.  My mouth is dry and I feel like I slur when I talk if I don’t focus.  Speaking of focus, my memory is all but gone.  I have to stop and think really hard trying to finish a thought when I am speaking or writing.  I lose a great idea so fast that all I am left with is the feeling of excitement I had when I discovered it.  These are all signs of mild dehydration!

How do I know it’s from lack of water and not something more serious?  I recognize the pattern.  First I get lazy and stop drinking water.  After about a week I start feeling lethargic and loading up on artificial stimulants.  All the while lamenting, “God I am getting old.  I am so stressed out.  Woe is me.”  Until one day I notice how ruddy my normally flawless skin is and go, “Shit!  I haven’t had water for weeks!  And this is my third Pepsi Max today!”  I ain’t always so smart, I admit.

Exercise

I’m not going to go on about this.  We all know the deal here.  I exercise and my clothes fit.  I don’t and they don’t.  Plus I’m tired and weak.  End of story.  Let this serve as a reminder.

Attitude

Yes there is some mysticism surrounding positive thinking and health.  It goes right along with THE SECRET and THE LAW OF ATTRACTION.  Maybe that’s not concrete enough for you.  But here’s another way to look at it.  Focus instead on the impact of a NEGATIVE attitude on your health.

There have been many studies from respected sources such as John Hopkins University and Rutgers University, that all suggest a positive outlook leads to good health.  You cannot argue that if you were to slip into a depressed, bad attitude it wouldn’t take much to also slip into an unhealthy lifestyle where poor choices are made on many levels.  Bad food, lack of good food, lack of exercise, reckless behavior… these all lead to poor health right?  So there’s proof right there that attitude is important.

When you accept the fact that a poor outlook feeds disease and poor performance of our bodies, it only makes sense that a positive attitude is the only way to combat it!

BONUS

It is impossible for me to talk about things that benefit the mind and body without mentioning chocolate.  Dark chocolate to be exact.  I’ll do a follow up on this soon, but I wanted to mention it right now along with the other over looked weight loss supplements.  Have a bite each day.  Just take my word on it for now how good it is for you!

Of course I am not saying that water, exercise, and attitude are a replacement for your doctor’s recommendations, diet pills, herbal supplements, yoga class, or therapy sessions.  You may need those too.  But the big three supplements may cause you to need less and will always enhance any other health program you do.

Are you in tune with your body?  When it’s not acting itself can you detect what is lacking right away?

Where has all the fun gone? Remember anticipating being a parent and raising your family? There were no thoughts of cleaning gutters or finding affordable life insurance on your mind, right? Somewhere along the way, our fun got buried by responsibilities. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Before I was a parent, I was a good aunt and was sure I’d be a super fun Mom. I was always available for whatever came up, had lots of disposable income to buy the best presents, had never ending ideas of fun stuff to do and abundant energy to do it all. It was sure to be even better when I had my own kids. Does this sound familiar?

The obvious difference in being an aunt and a mom is that it was not so much my job to teach, guide, or discipline nieces and nephews. Of course we want to be a good role model and good influence. But that is not the point of the relationship. The point is fun and love. Well sure that’s the point of parenthood too, except you have to also make sure your kids behave and learn and grow and thrive. That’s not all though.

The big challenge in parenting and fun is the pressure of everything going on around you. There is a mortgage to pay, a house to maintain, a job to do, cars & food & clothing & LIFE to pay for, people getting sick, losing loved ones, mowing the lawn, and so much more! Unfortunately our family bonding and fun time can easily take a back seat to all that. It doesn’t have to, though.

I bet if you sat back and analyzed the situation, there IS time to squeeze in a game of CONNECT FOUR with the family or go for a bike ride through the neighborhood after dinner. It isn’t always the TIME that is missing, but the quiet of mind that allows you to REMEMBER to do it. Even if the kids say, “Hey, wanna go for a walk?” your reaction might be to think you don’t have time. But I bet you do.

Sometimes just the idea of a game or an activity sounds too overwhelming to get started. It will just make another mess to clean up. It won’t work out anyway. Have you ever had these thoughts yourself? Well I have found so many good and easy and fun activities on the internet. I have long planned an organized schedule here at Her-Family-Blog offering different themes for different days. It’s funny how my schedule today is so different than the one I planned a year ago. Ideas for at home family activity and projects is a valuable resource right now especially. With our extra money on low, and stress & depression on high, what could be more important than finding as many ways as we can to have fun and bond as a family, without having to save up or even go out!? So my fantasy blogging schedule definitely has family activities on the roster. We’ll see if it transpires

For now, here is a super activity, perfect for this time between summer and fall. I searched out “bug catchers” specifically because my Sari loves catching and observing bugs. This is not only a great video, but the end product is cooler than I ever imagined! Can’t wait to try it!

When I was at the height of health and happiness I lived according to some very different principles. I studied Eastern medicine, Deepak Chopra, and Ayurveda.  I didn’t eat meat or drink soda, I pumped iron listening to Pachelbel, meditated throughout the day, sent good vibrations to loved ones and the world around me, gave thanks to the universe every night for the gifts of the day and put in my requests for I wanted next. I practiced sleep strategies.  I was disciplined and strong.  It took a life time of reading, studying, and searching find what I thought was the perfect balance.  The perfection only lasted a short time because it was based on living alone and not being affected by outside influences.  Since I wasn’t able to carry it through the constant changes of life, it really wasn’t perfected yet, was it?

It was so easy to have my apartment all Feng Shui’d up and a multisensory treat of sight, fragrance, and sound.  No one else lived there.  Nobody interrupted anything.  I had very few guests to speculate and criticize how I believed and lived.  Add a husband, in laws, growing network of friends & family, children, etc… and all that peace and tranquility goes out the door.  There is no time for meditation and no room in the budget for an organic lifestyle or yoga class.  So rather than tweaking my lifestyle a bit to match my changing life, I chucked it all.  I Turned into top 40, meat and potatoes, survival mode with a goal no bigger than making it through one day at a time with everyone clean, fed, and safe in a house that is more clean than dirty.

The change from disciplined and healthy to unhealthy and frazzled happened pretty gradually and I never made the connection between my old lifestyle and my new so strongly until I ran across this video. It is very NON frou-frou as it discusses Eastern ideas in a way that eliminates the “mysticism” and appeals to even the most pragmatic types.

This video touches on Anorexia and Bulimia, which is something I struggled with as a teen.  And it reminded me how the over eating, the purging, the not eating are all forms of control, not weight loss.  We use the term “emotional eating” but we don’t spend enough time getting to the root of our own individual reasons for needing that control, and fixing those areas of our lives that we feel out of control.

Our Western medicine gives us diagnoses and prescriptions that help us cope, but often don’t treat what really ails us.  I know many mothers who are popping diet pills and chugging caffeine drinks in excess because they are desperate for the energy and focus to keep up with their busy schedules and the competition from the super mom next door.  Those things are all good and definitely serve a good purpose, but there is more you can do.

I believe there is a perfect blend of Eastern & Western ideas to suit everyone, you just need to find what’s right for you.  Instead of pulling another all nighter or another 5 hour energy shot, take a look at this video and see if there is something you are doing to sabotage your energy, or a simple way to enhance your vibrancy naturally.  Really listen to what he has to say.  It’s not very long and is part of a series that touches on other specific issues that might appeal to you.

In my next life I will do things differently.

In elementary school there was a mean girl.  She was little, cute, had wiry hair and a sharp tongue. She was the center of a noisy group of kids at the lunch table every day. Then there was another girl,  always smiling, sitting with herself or a couple others.  She was chubby.  Then there was me.  As unsocial then as I am now but less tolerant of injustice.  I mostly sat alone because I was grossed out by all the food and whatnot that spit out of kids mouth while they talked with their mouths full.  I can still feel the gag seeing bits of their chewed food land on my bologna and cheese. There were often kids who wanted to sit with me at lunch, and that was fine.  But they knew the rules.  No talking while my sandwich was out.  And they listened to me.  Obeyed,  if you will.

Nobody listens to me today.Not even me!

Back to the elementary school lunch table.  So one day after a long period of observing the mean girl abuse the chubby girl day after day, tampering with her food and calling her fat, I decided I could not sit quietly by and ignore this injustice.  I turned to the mean girl, sandwich in hand, and said, “Hey. I don’t think what you are doing is nice, maybe if you make me understand I will enjoy it too.”  Mean girl was stunned, as was the rest of the table.  Cus I was never talks with food in mouth girl. I continued. “Why do you like to make her feel sad every day?”  When Meanie couldn’t respond I added, “How would you like it if she called you ‘frizz head’?  Cus she has beautiful soft hair and you don’t. Then the whole table might make you cry every day.”

Swear to goodness they became best friends after that.  I did that.  And other things too. That’s just my favorite because it made a huge difference to the girl getting picked on and to our whole lunch table.

Now somewhere between then and now, I changed.  Became complacent. No longer cared about fighting for anybody, anything, or even myself.  Life was good, so what was the point in stirring shit up? Or making people mad?  Instead of being interested in righting wrongs and challenging ideas, I made excuses. “Oh he didn’t mean it that way”, “she really is sweet, she was just having a bad day”, etc.  Somewhere along the way it became important to make everyone around me happy, which is what made me happy, so everyone should have been happy except that some people are morons and you can never make them happy and in so trying you will drive yourself insane.  See what I’m sayin’

Which made me think.  If I had it to do all over again, I would have made myself a cape after that first big impact I made at the lunch table in elementary school.  I would have worn it with pride during lunch to remind myself to stay sharp and keep close tabs on lunch room and recess injustice.  It would have also surely kept other kids far enough away from me at lunch that I didn’t have to duck their flying moist morsels.

Later, when I became the object of some mean girl attacks, my cape would have kept me strong instead of sending me home in tears.  It also would have likely brought on more attacks, but the point is, I wouldn’t have cared.

You know, maybe I don’t have to wait til my next life now that I think about it.  Why can’t I start right now?

Hey neighbors! You across the street that park your cars in the front yard… this is a SUBDIVISION. You don’t park in your lawn.  If  you want me to get technical, you are supposed to MOW it!

Dish Network. We are THROUGH! You charged me way too much in 1997 to BUY my dishes.  Who does that?  You said it was so my service would move with me from residence to residence.  But they all do and nobody buys the dishes anymore.  You continue to charge me too much for service AND you took all the good high def channels away.  The new batch sucks! You know who else moves their service with you? Direct TV.  Yeah.  DirectTv in Texas, Direct Tv in Florida, Direct TV in New York, wherever I want to go.  So watch yourself, cus I am making some changes. you might want to consider bringing that cool high def travel channel back along with those extreme sports.

School District: Don’t make me put my cape on and come up there.  You brag about your superiority and special programs.  Why has it taken four years under your watch to run some tests and figure out what to do with us?  He experienced more trauma by 9 than you will likely see in a lifetime, yet you label him manipulative and deny him assistance?  That’s not nice. Let me tell you what I think…

Family.  I work from home. That means you are lucky and don’t have to go to daycare. Or pay for daycare. It doesn’t mean that you have a 24 hour maid. Or assistant. Or chef. Or punching bag.  Also, I like to read.  You may not know it because I haven’t done it in five years.  But when you see me hiding in the closet with a book to my nose and my cell phone lighting the way, I do not want to see that funny commercial with Sam & the chicken or watch you test drive the latest skate board couse you made with Tony Hawk.  I’m good.

Hey Friend! That’s called littering.  And I am totally offended by it and plan to give you shit about it from now on.  It’s also illegal. I might turn you in.  And if you continue to spew ignorance out of your mouth about people who are different from you, you don’t get to be my friend, even if we’re family.  Unless you are reading this blog you won’t even realize what’s happening. You’ll simply be history.

That’s just the beginning.  There is nonsense brewing all over the place.  Have you noticed?  What are you doing about it?  Are you fighting for what you believe in or turning the other cheek to keep your own private peace?  It’s not too late to wake up and start giving a shit.  Let’s do it together.

What bugs you?  What beliefs have you ignored or things have you allowed to happen in the name of  keeping the peace? What do you want to do differently?

The theme of Blogher ’09 was  “In Real Life”.  When I first stumbled upon it in December and spontaneously decided to use the early Christmas money I had received to buy my ticket, I thought “In Real Life” made perfect sense.  Although my “real life” was not very aware of my blogging friends and family, my blogging community had made a huge impact on MY REAL LIFE over the last year or so.  Having now had a couple of days to reflect and review my notes, it is clear that this is a strong feeling among the 1500 Blogher attendees.

But for now, it’s all about me.

I had been feeling bad for a few years when I stumbled upon blogging.  Having been accessing the blogosphere since 2003 when I adopted my two children, I researched every lump, bump, rash, sob, and thought that my kids had and shared.  Most of the time I knew there was nothing to be concerned about, but I found reassurance anonymously reading stories of moms just like me who were experiencing the same things I was without having to confess to friends and fam in my REAL LIFE that I was paranoid and worried and lonely.

Bonding in the Blogosphere

Sometime between 2003 and 2007 things got wonky.  By the end of 2006 I was in full on depression, but didn’t know it.  Everybody has their “stuff” and mine is not really important to the story except to say that one day in February 2008 I woke up enough to look around and realize that things were not right. I knew I was lethargic, lacking my usual vibrance, and my pants were getting tight!, but I didn’t really REALIZE what was happening. Something made me look online for SOMETHING to do. A change to make.  I took surveys, I participated in panels, and socialized for points.  Then I met up with a fantastic woman named Summer who hired me to do some freelance writing.  We became fast friends.  It wasn’t long before I met another bad ass woman writer named Robin.  We were many states apart, shared interesting common thoughts, and kept each other  motivated, shared family life, set goals together and worked on projects together.  Last in my blogosphere BFF trio was Cindy, a hard working, beat the odds tough chick who reminded me through example to always get back up.    The three of us have run around online together together ever since.  Even though I have never met any of them, they are as real to me as anyone I know “in real life”.

You see in my “real life” I don’t know one single blogger or freelance writer.  In my lifetime of wanting to be a writer I finally found a group who UNDERSTOOD a passion that no one else did.  They knew the longing in my heart to put my words out there and we all worked and wished and dreamed and grew together.  Although our projects have taken us in different directions, we still support and take interest in one another’s work AND life.

Since that time, along with the encouragement of my online family, I went to the doctor, pursued therapy and learned of my clinical depression.  Like many in my community, writing is therapeutic for me so I found healing in my posts. (and comments and crazy emails — thanks to you few who have endured them!)  I was able to keep the darkness there for the most part and tried to keep the “crazy” on the down low in my “real life”.  At Blogher ’09 I learned I wasn’t alone.

Recluse Today, Solo in the Big City Tomorrow

Unfortunately, none of my Internet BFFs were able to make it to Blogher this year.  I was on my own and nervous, but knew it would be okay because in addition to my Internet BFFs, I had been welcomed into and supported by the blogging community in general.  And as a bonus, thanks to the power of TWITTER I found “Aranarose“of Lemonade Mama who lives less than ten minutes from me and in a last minute collision of events she and I made the trek from Flint to Chicago together where we roomed with a blogger/Twitter friend of hers whom neither of us had yet met “in real life”. Thanks again MEL!

As exciting as it was for me to see technology and community in action as my conference plans come together, I kept it on the down low in my “real life”. A common conversation at Blogher was the dreaded funny looks and confusion we often meet when we try and bring our two worlds together.  Remember the George Costanza theory of the dangers of allowing one of his worlds to infiltrate the other?  I think we all carry a bit of that fear around! Ha!  So I kept it mainly to myself as I rode the rollercoaster of one day thinking I am going to conference and the next day not.

For the entire month before conference I debated the practical against the possibilities. Two days before leaving “practical” had won out. I am a wife and a mom with responsibilities and obligations.  There was no time for dreaming and exploring possibilities.  One day before conference I received the email equivalent of a smack in the face.  The details are private but the meaning was clear, “Snap out of it! Quit being a chicken shit! Education is good! (and even) You deserve a mamatini.”

Having been spared my  30 day internal struggle, my husband was free to sweat the important stuff.  “You’re going to be in an entirely different state than us?” “You. Are driving. To Chicago?” “You have never met one single person involved?” “You are picking up a stranger, and driving 5 hours alone with her headed to you’re not sure where and staying in you’re not sure what room?” “Why are you packing your feather boas?” And lastly, upon my tearful departure, “If you come up missing Nancy Grace is coming after me so would you mind leaving a note  with the conference info and any other pertinent info for when she gets here?”

So that’s how it came to be that I,  recluse in recovery, pulled out of the driveway alone, armed with nothing but a feather boa and a smart phone, headed for the most social event I ever feared attending.  What happened? Was it worth it? What did I learn? Was the community as fabulous as I imagined?  Do you think I shook my bootie at the bowling alley or cried alone in my room draining the mini bar? Watch for part 2 to find out!

(Note to my parents:  I know you think I am macabre at times, but this title was inspired by a movie called “Things to do in Denver when You’re Dead.”  I was shooting for “clever” not “upsetting.” K? xoxo)

We’re taking a whimsical look at death and funerals today at Her Family Blog.  It’s a subject you may not like, but we cannot escape it.  We mourn lost loved ones every day and one day they will mourn us.  Regardless of your faith or after life beliefs, we all will one day draw our last physical breath on this earth.  I move that we all participate in the biggest collective  paradigm shift ever and just decide that death is okay and funerals are fun.  I think Dr. Dyer and Stephen Covey would both approve.

I have an amazing free spirited friend named Leslie* (name not changed to protect the innocent because she is far from innocent and I think would like the shout out)   She asked me today if it would be appropriate to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral.  How would you have answered that question?

Considering funerals are a somber, dignified occasion at which to pay your respects to the recently deceased before you say goodbye and send them off, it may not seem “respectful” to show up without your shoes.  If that is what you were thinking, shame on you!  Leslie’s friend was a huge fan of being barefoot. It would be disrespectful to mandate shoes at her funeral.  I hope they bury her without any shoes, in fact.  If we are talking about being “respectful” and honoring the deceased, why should the big send off be orchestrated according to “the norm” or following any society standards?  If she loved being barefoot so much why should she have to enter the great unknown wearing foot covering when you know given the choice, she’d go barefoot?

So I advised Leslie to forget what’s appropriate and leave her shoes at home.  Then it got me thinking about my own funeral.  Yesterday when I was talking to her Leslie was making vegetable pizza to take for folks to eat after the service.  I really like vegetable pizza and have made it for many occasions that I hosted.  I hope she brings it to my funeral.  I should ask her ahead of time.  What else would I like?

• Please bury me in black.  Not because it’s funeraly, but because I still want to take advantage of its slimming affect.  It’s the last time you’ll see me and I want to look hot.  Even though I will hopefully be 110.
• I love my Tiffany’s necklace, but don’t bury me in it.  No jewelry or anything of material value at all please.  In fact, if any of my girlie treasures end up in any hands other than my daughter or nieces, I will come back to make it right.
• If you like black, you can wear it too.  Vamp it up, even, think of it as a cocktail party or New Year’s Eve event.  But if you prefer another color, such as lime green like the color of your VW bug, you better wear it.  You know who you are.  Just please, regardless of your color palette, no one upstage me.  It’s MY funeral, not yours.
• If you must send me off from a church, go ahead.  I’ll give you that one.  I acknowledge that you will be grieving and in need of comfort so if you can find one that will take me and permit my wishes, you have my blessing.
• No preaching.  You can do that on Sunday.  Take turns telling kind, loving, funny stories about me.  I love to hear about myself so that will be the best way to honor me.  Make sure someone says a comforting prayer, though, for all the peeps in attendance who miss me.
• My song list may change between now and the big day, but these are non negotiable and should be the only somber times of the event as I give my last lecture.  In honor of me, you have to let me have the last word with these tunes.

1. IF I CAN DREAM (Elvis) My all time fave.  Listen to it, learn it, live it.
2. PURPLE RAIN (Prince) My grand apology for every mistake I made.  They were born of the the best intentions.
3. THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND (Madonna) My reflective moment as I say goodbye.
4. AS I LAY  ME DOWN (Sophie B. Hawkins) For some reason reminds me of Mama Shirl and chokes me up on the rare occasion I hear it.  May it have the same affect on you.

• Those most affected by my passing at the time of the occurrence get to plan the wake.  Make it as long as you like and  make it fun.  My Moms wake was so  much fun for me,  hugging and visiting with so many people I hadn’t seen in ages.  The energy was amazing.  So make sure you take advantage of the occasion to catch up with people you love.  I will love watching that.
• No cell phones, netbooks, or pdas allowed.  I love texting as much as the next gal but I would like your undivided attention just this once.  You can Facebook and Twitter my funeral party later.   On second thought… Twittering the whole shin dig would be cool!
• This is most important.  It’s okay to cry all you need to, but make sure you laugh more and leave feeling good, however you need to accomplish it.
• Instead of having a big dinner afterward, please rent a hall or something, get a dj and have a big party, like a wedding reception.  In fact, plan the whole day accordingly and dance til midnight.  Or dawn.  Play cards. Eat veggie pizza, bowtie caesar pasta,  and cheesy potatoes.  Nobody gets to watch their carbs at my funeral.  Another non negotiable thing.

So that’s it for my funeral.  You are almost looking forward to it, right?  My point is, why does a funeral have to be stuffy and sad?  And why do rules have to be followed that allegedly honor the deceased?  The best thing you can do to honor your passing loved ones is to stay true to you and them.  As a daughter saying goodbye to her mother it lifted my spirits to the heavens to watch my Aunts sneaking make up and hair supplies into the wake to fix Mom’s hair and face to be more true to her.  And the few people who had the boldness to drop quarters in her casket and into the ground at the burial… I knew how much they loved her and shared her joy of the slots.  I hope my loved ones honor me in the most kind, loving, unconventional and inappropriate ways that they know I would appreciate.

Well?  What do you think?  Would you now advise Leslie to go barefoot to her friend’s funeral?  Or are you still a supporter of convential mourning?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.