When Daughters Don’t Listen

My 9 year old daughter, Sari, has a mind of her own. I am sure I have mentioned that once or five times.  But how do I discipline her when the very rules she breaks end up making my day?

I turned 40 last week.  I wasn’t dreading the actual age thing. I might even say I was looking forward to it and the peace and wisdom it represents to me. My niece and nephew spent the night with us and played games and watched movies. We stayed up pretty late and I must have been distracted because I had no thoughts of birthday on my mind when I fell asleep or when I woke up.

I was startled awake early in the morning by the sounds of things clanking in my kitchen. Sari loves to make food arrangements and surprises for her Dad and me.  Unfortunately, she reaches too high, drops things, breaks things, and wants to cut and slice things, makes messes, wastes food, and doesn’t clean up well… all in the name of love.

When I woke up to the clanging in the kitchen I did not open my eyes. If I had I would have seen the giant HAPPY BIRTHDAY(a leftover from her birthday in November) balloon that was hovering at my face in bed. Instead I just yelled, “Sari! No dabbling in the kitchen unsupervised… I’ll be up soon.”  It was ridiculously early, by the way.  And I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong.

When I did finally open my eyes I saw the balloon. I then remembered someone rubbing my hands and whispering “Happy Birthday Angel” while I was asleep. The kitchen clanging finally made sense as I realized I had probably ruined her birthday surprise for me.

I tip toed out of my room to see Sari and my niece of 15 doing SOMETHING. They were making me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and balloons to set up near the breakfast platter they had prepared, as seen in the picture above. It was gorgeous.

Yes she climbed on top of the cupboards to get the decorative (and dustfilled) cups to fill with water and crystal light.  She sliced fruit without my supervision but I am told she used a butter knife on the bananas and that my niece sliced the apples.  And all the food was wasted because I don’t eat in the mornings, as my daughter knows. But all that was washed away as I took in the gift of the beautiful presentation, and the love and effort behind all the tiny things she did that morning to make sure I felt good.

How do you punish someone for that?

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Considering I have not posted for over a month, I guess it’s a no brainer that at the top of my list of New Year’s Resolutions should be to POST MORE!  I can’t make excuses for myself because everyone has lived through the same busy craziness as I have, and still succeeded in managing their blogs, families, households, holidays, and schedules. Good for them and their organization. There is another resolution for me!

In fact, I have a long list of goal setting this year. Some are dumb resolutions, some are famous resolutions, and I even learned that I have New Years ideas in common with some celebrity New Years Resolutions.

Like Eva Longoria I intend to give up meat this year.

I will match Fergie’s resolution to workout more and eat better, and raise her with a plan to lose weight.

Brittney Spears wants to worry less in 2009 and enjoy her life. I am glad to see that she recognizes how blessed she is. I will follow her lead.

Tori Spelling wants to drink more water and so do I. I have recently discovered and fallen in love with Pepsi Max, though. Wish me luck!

Organization, smelling the roses, being healthy, spending time with family… at the core it seems we all want the same things, doesn’t it?

To say that Christmas passed at the blink of an eye is an understatement. Ordinarily the madness begins with Thanksgiving but this year was special. We were consumed by the monumental election.  After the election I jumped on the Big Three Automakers train and rode it right through to today. Oh yeah, and I turned 40. My first exhale in two months. I guess my last resolution should be to slow down, breathe, make the most of what I can control, and not sweat what I can’t.

Happy new Year!

I can tell you in all honesty that I never stopped believing in Santa Claus.  My idea of him may have changed, but the belief never wavered.  I am sad that today I have to defend him in my own home.

There is a four year difference in ages between my kids.  Sari is 9 and all about the magic and wonder of the holidays. Drew is 13 and becoming so cynical it breaks my heart. He told me today that the only jolly fat guy at Christmas is the rich one sitting in his mansion cashing in on his Santa franchise. I was lost for words.

I understand he is 13 and he is a boy and he is probably stuck in this frustrating place of wanting to believe but harassed by his buddies if he does.  Now remember, my son is 13 but he’s only been my son for 5 years and he didn’t have much of a family experience prior to that. So I think it’s understandable that he would want to hold onto the magic for a little longer.

But apparently he has decided to side with the guys at school and to vent his anger for not being able to believe like he wants to, he has decided to shatter my young daughter’s holiday magic as well.

Here’s the thing about Sari, though… you’re not smashing anything for her unless she wants you, too. She’s in control of her world and beliefs. That’s her in the picture above. I asked her to reproduce the look that she had given me just a minute prior. She’s always glad to mug for the blogosphere.

So we’ve been arguing about Santa for a week or so now, when Drew hit below the belt. “It’s obvious the presents are not from Santa or built by elves because they come in a box that says WALMART on them.”

I was pissed. That was it for me. “You know what Andrew? Suppose you put your camera out all night and prove there is no Santa. Then what?  The gifts are done for one thing. Would you like that? (’no”) Secondly, if Santa dies away so does all his magic. Do you like the Christmas tree? (”yes”) Do you like decorations and the lights? (”oh yes you know I love the lights.”) Do you look forward to Christmas every year?  And what is the general mood of people at Christmas?  Would you agree there is more love in the air at Christmas?”  Well all that stuff is a package deal, I went on to explain. Santa included. He gives people something to believe in and something to hope for.

Drew then offered the idea that maybe there was a man who was so kind and delivered gifts to his community, and when he died, the legend lived on to spread magic and love for Jesus’ birthday.   I agreed that could be the case but if it was, why would he want to squash it.  I had sort of forgotten about Sari.

About five minutes after the conversation and about 5 seconds before delivering the above look, my innocent Sarah said (advised) (WARNED) “I want to just say that I completely believe in Santa, no doubt about that.  But let’s just hope that if he isn’t and  is just being used  to spread love and magic, that SOMEone is smart enough to remove the Walmart labels before they put the gifts under the tree.” <Cue the “I mean business” look>

I felt like she was just making it clear that she was not ready to let go right now and was making sure that we did not do anything that would give her doubt she couldn’t rationalize.

I am really careful with my words when I defend the existence of Santa because I don’t want to lie and I don’t want my kids to turn into cynics. I want to make sure that they can always hear the Christmas bells ringing.  Life is filled with too much heartbreak to take away things that conjures up love and goodness.

There was a day that Santa stopped bringing me “gifts” in a box. It was at the same time that the most important gifts to me couldn’t be found in boxes, but in the hugs of my loved ones and the hope for peace of earth. It was at that time that Santa Claus stopped being a jolly man in a red suit dropping off gifts and flying through the air, and transformed into a spirt, a hope, a wish, a belief that captivated people across the globe. Something for us all to believe in despite our differences. A rare symbol of something innocent and good that cannot be interpreted otherwise.  Why in the world would would you want to stop believing in that?

99% of my posts are 100% organic. 1% is “assigned”. The majority of those “assigned” end up fitting naturally into my schedule and blog flow.  Today, however, I am out of balance.

What is an “assigned” post?  It’s where someone says, “Hey, here’s $5 if you mention my keyword and link in your blog.” Or “How about $20 to review my product?”  Whatever the case, I get to review and post using my true opinion, regardless of how it reflects upon the product.  The product is often not even the topic of the post, it is just mentioned.

I usually enjoy them because it’s fun to be “inspired” by the keywords and see where along the parenting path it takes me.  But lately I have gotten a ton of diet assignments.  Since they are not of products I personally have experience with I won’t “praise” them. I just offer up the information. Today I received an assignment about the alli diet pills and program.  I have at least heard of this but have no experience.

Alli is a popular diet aid.  I’ll include the link here so you can check it out if you are interested. Funny that I am writing about it on the even of Thanksgiving, the one time when we are more obsessed with everything that we are GOING to eat instead of everything we CAN’T!

I had so many comments and questions regarding the fat burning post and I really am no expert. I only wrote the first post because I know what a hot topic weight loss is, I know first hand how easy it is to get carried away with diet pills and supplements, and I wanted to remind everyone of the seriousness of it and the message it sends our young ones if not handled responsibly. Now I have been asked to share a link about Leptovox and I have decided to do so because I am intrigued by it. It’s made up of the ten super foods, like acai berry & flaxseed, that gained popularity on Oprah plus antioxidants. And it’s not your typical fat burner. It clears up acne, smoothes out wrinkles, and encourages weight loss. So check it out if you like and if you have any experience with it, please share.

I believe the majority of conflict could be avoided with better communication. We should all come with our own digital signage. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Have you ever been in a situation when you were so irritated by someone one minute but then given a little more information your feelings of frustration are replaced by patience and understanding?

Take eating out for instance. You pay a good price for it, you are likely there because you need a break, so receiving poor service is not acceptable. Is it? I was at a restaurant up north with my family and we waited a very long time for someone to take our order. When the order came it was wrong. Then it was wrong again. We are pretty patient and didn’t complain but we were upset, even though we chose to keep it among ourselves. It wasn’t long before a man came out from the kitchen to ask how my eggs were. Truthfully they were worse than the first ones I had sent back.

Let me just say here that I NEVER send food back or complain about much of anything so this tells you how bad this breakfast experience was.

So anyway, the man asked how were the eggs. He was so nice and genuinely concerned all I could say is, “much better.” He then went on to explain how all of his staff had called in either sick or snowed in so his 15 year old daughter was waiting tables AND cooking for him. I looked around and it all started to settle in that I hadn’t seen any other waitresses. That one little girl was hustling to take care of all these customers who were complaining about the slow, bad service they were receiving.

Only now, armed with the full story, I suddenly was happy with my service and impressed what a good job the Daughter Daddy duo was doing under the circumstances. Everyone at my table started laughing and chatting and enjoying their meal that they were only minutes ago disappointed with.

Isn’t that crazy? Just a little information totally changed our attitudes. Imagine how much more understanding and kind that people would be if they had a better understanding of the various situations they find themselves in. I bet road rage would go down too! If only we could all have our own digital signage.

What would your sign say?

Welcome to the November 4, 2008 edition of everything family. So much good stuff, as usual.  I noted lots of posts on money.  One thing’s for sure, no matter how tough things get, we know we’re not alone. I know I’m not alone because I have these two goof balls who can’t wait to see me every day. :-) 

Pace yourself…. there’s lots of good reading here…

Steven Chang presents Planning Your Child?s First Birthday Party posted at Gagazine.

Fiona Lohrenz presents Are Daycare Requirements And Day Care Regulations The Same Thing? posted at Child Care Only.

Scott Palat presents 6 Tips for Success in School | posted at Colleen Palat.

Fiona Lohrenz presents Daycare Franchises? Montessori Day Care? So Many Choices! posted at Child Care Only.

TherapyDoc presents About those 8 Ways to Spot a Dishonest Date posted at Everyone Needs Therapy, saying, “A little fatherly advice goes a long way. This therapist’s father gave her a certain lecture about men. . .”

Madeleine Begun Kane presents The Couple That Reads Together… posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog.

Dads

CorporateFlyer presents Food Safety Starts At Home posted at Flight Attendant, saying, “A bit of information on food safety.”

Sarah presents Why Is Proper Lawn Clipping Height So Important? | Spring Lawn Care - Lawn Care Tips posted at Lawn Care Tips, saying, “Some reasons why it’s really important to clip your lawn correctly.”

Vicky presents Having a Friend Officiate Your Ceremony posted at Affordable Wedding Planning, saying, “How to get a friend to officiate your wedding ceremony.”

Family

Dust-Mites.org presents Allergic Reactions to Dust Mites posted at Dust Mites, saying, “Article describes various allergic reactions people may have to dust mites.”

Jen presents Get Spooked This Halloween (A Bit Like Secret Santa) posted at Jen’s Genuine Life, saying, “A Bit Like Secret Santa - Secretly deliver Halloween treats and a “Spook” to your neighbors and start a fun chain reaction that will end up all over town!”

Terence Gillespie presents Why I Live With My In-Laws! posted at Your Optimal Blog, saying, “I can’t claim credit for the idea that my father and mother-in-law move in with us. Or that we move my mom from her nursing home into my office. My wife saw the mounting nursing home bills, knew a baby was coming and swung into action. By the time she was finished laying it all out, one night after work, she had a way to upgrade all of our lives. She was proposing we live like a family. A multi-generational family. It was outrageous!”

axel presents 10 Steps To Better Sleep posted at axel g.

Donna Freedman presents We’ll be home for Christmas — if we can afford it posted at Smart Spending, saying, “As airfare costs continue to climb, we need to make tougher choices about how often we see family and/or old friends, and what constitutes a vacation.”

Doug Boude presents On Being Sorry… posted at Doug Boude (rhymes with ‘loud’), saying, “Now here’s a topic that applies to everybody in the family from the toddler to the grandparents! i wrote this article based on my own experiences having 7 children and 4 step children.”

Aparna presents Whiten your teeth with these home-remedies posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming.

Nara presents Why Some People Choose Divorce After Infidelity posted at Surviving Infidelity, saying, “Some reasons people choose to divorce after cheating.”

Donna Freedman presents Beginning to look a lot like (a glum) Christmas? Don’t let it posted at Smart Spending, saying, “The economy may have you wondering just how much holiday you can afford. Scale down, sure. Get creative, definitely. But don’t forego a ritual that has the potential to make you really happy if you do it right.”

Nara presents What to Do When You Suspect Infidelity posted at Surviving Infidelity, saying, “Some things you should do when you suspect your signficant other is cheating on you.”

FirstDateIdea presents First Date Ideas-Date Ideas posted at First Date Ideas, saying, “Need First Date ideas? Need Romance Date Ideas? We have 101 First Date Ideas and Date tips to impress your date.”

Anne-Marie Nichols presents We had a great time at the Greatest Show on Earth posted at A Mama’s Rant.

Moms

Sara Goldstein presents Fashion don’ts: ‘Mom jeans’ poem posted at The Bargain Queens, saying, “Moms, do you know someone who still wears ‘Mom jeans’? Send them a gentle hint with this funny poem.”

Pregnancy Hut presents 1 Week Pregnant posted at Pregnancy Calendar, saying, “What to do during your first week of pregnancy”

Pregnancy Hut presents 12 Weeks Pregnant | Pregnancy Hut - Week By Week Pregnancy Calendar posted at Pregnancy Calendar, saying, “What to be aware of when you are 12 weeks pregnant and counting!”

Other

Matt M presents Pet Haven Giveaway - $40 Value! posted at The Pet Haven, saying, “Everyone uses a digital camera to snap photos of their families. We are giving away memory cards and also mentioning an ever bigger contest courtesy of SanDisk, the makers of the memory cards.”

Shamelle presents Over Spending & Impulse Buying: 8 Reasons Why You’re Not To Blame posted at Enhance Life, saying, “Does your closet contain lots of shoes or clothes that you almost never wear? Do you own every gadget known to man (or woman)? Do you come home from the mall with items you had no intention of buying? Do you spend money on things that you didn’t realize you needed until you saw them on display in the store?
If you said yes to one or more, this post is for you.”

Metaliphe presents Money #1 Issue posted at Chandra Unplugged - No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach, saying, “Do you know the number #1 problem in marriage and the number #1 cause of divorce? If you said “money” you’d be right. If you’re constantly arguing about money - how it’s spent, how much is spent and who’s spending it – learn why in all good marriages there are mutually defined financial guidelines.”

Tonya presents Am I Pregnant? posted at My Pregnancy Blog, saying, “Discusses the signs that you may be pregnant.”

Curry Kenworthy presents Family-friendly web hosting options posted at Web Hosting Scene, saying, “Finding web hosting on a server free of adult content.”

Linda W. presents Getting a Fertility Test posted at The Eclectic Female, saying, “How can you tell if you are having fertility problems?”

Anmol Mehta presents Yoga for Kids Guidelines & Benefits posted at Mastery of Meditation, Enlightenment and Kundalini Yoga, saying, “Important guidelines you should know before teaching your child kids yoga. How to practice kids yoga and the benefits of kids yoga are covered in detail.”

GrrlScientist presents Research Suggests Bipolar Children Likely to become Bipolar Adults posted at Living the Scientific Life, saying, “Another research paper indicates that many bipolar adults show symptoms of bipolar disorder when they were kids — suggesting that early identification and treatment could slow or prevent the progression of this mood disorder, and save social and familial relationships.”

Nursery Admin presents NURSERY JOBS BLOG » Blog Archive » Becoming a Nursery Assistant posted at Nursery Jobs, saying, “Some tips on becoming a good nursery assistant”

One Family presents Yamaha Digital Pianos (YPG, DGX, P, N, NP, CP, Arius, YDP, Clavinova CLP & CVP, and MODUS) – A Comparative Review posted at One Family’s Blog, saying, “The post is comparative review of Yamaha digital pianos that attempts to guide families come to the right purchase decision.”

Yvette Nietzen presents Supernatural Prison Break . posted at Fresh Wind Ministries, Int´l.

Parenting

babs mountjoy presents Ah, brief respite! « Awalkabout’s Weblog posted at Awalkabout’s Weblog, saying, “Absence does make the heart grow fonder…doesn’t it?”

Julie Heath - More4kids Inc. presents Long Distance/Virtual Parenting posted at More4kids.

Michelle McFarland-McDaniels presents Funding Autism Treatment Takes Resourcefulness and Determination posted at Autism Assistance Resources and Information.

Shen-Li Lee presents Spending Time with Your Child Helps You Understand Your Child posted at Babylicious.

One Family presents List Of Elementary Public School Textbooks - ISBN Numbers, Used And List Prices posted at One Family’s Blog, saying, “The post lists the textbooks used in Elementary Public Schools in the US with full details on ISBN and pricing.”

Pregnancy Hut presents How to Improve Your Chances of Conceiving posted at Pregnancy Calendar, saying, “Tips to help you conceive.”

PRmom presents Maybe they really do listen posted at PRmom: Where’s the Manual?, saying, “Thanks for your consideration”

Louis Burns presents Presuppose Greatness posted at NLP Marketing Blog.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of everything family using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: everything family, blog carnival.

Being on a tighter budget for the holidays this year doesn’t have to mean canceling Secret Santas or not participating in the gift exchange.  What it does mean is thinking before you spend.  Shopping for the best prices .  Put some effort into your shopping this year and show your loved ones how much you know about them and love them.

Jewelry is a popular gift item.  It’s inappropriate and irresponsible to overspend, but you don’t want to give something cheap, of course that turns your recipient green or rashy.  But there is an in between area of fun, fashionable jewelry items that please your loved ones without breaking the bank.  The internet is a great resource for wholesale fashion jewelry.  Just make sure you do a little research on the company and make sure the return policy is good in case your purchase doesn’t turn out the be the bargain you expected.

A bonus with jewelry is that there are so many projects around the holidays that support causes such as breast cancer awareness, hunger, and domestic violence.  These gifts are as satisfying to give as they are to receive when you know your item made a difference to someone somewhere.

A well thought out present where more time was spent than money is always the way to go.  Running your plastic through the machine may be easier, but spending time finding the perfectly matched gift for a fraction of what you would normally spend is more fun and apprciated.

What are you favorite types of gifts to give and receive over the holidays?

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is challenging enough with our busy schedules and appreciation of comfort food at the end of a hectic day.  Add to that the end of outdoor activity that is quickly approaching those of us in the colder climates.  Sure there is skiing and sledding for fun and sport in the winter, but it is not as practical as going for a jog or bike ride in the morning and jumping on the trampoline with the kids.  This is the time of the year when many join gyms or renews their seasonal memberships in an effort to stay fit through the winter.  But what if you don’t have the money for your gym membership this year?  How do we keep our bodies healthy AND our finances?

We exercise at home.

Dust off that equipment you never use in the basement and make some use out of that money you spent.  Treadmills and ellipticals are among the most purchased and neglected products in American households.

If you don’t have at least one home gym staple, look into buying one.  If you find a good deal the payments you make on it will be significantly less than your monthly gym bill and you won’t be committed to a long term payment to guarantee physical activity.

If buying a piece of gym equipment is not in your budget, hope is not lost.  Dig out an old workout DVD. Remember how much fun they were?  And if you don’t have one, you can buy a workout dvd for under $20!  My favorite is Turbo Jam because it is so incredibly fun. And don’t forget, you can check out workout dvds from the library too, whether you want to try some out before you buy, or you plan to check them out for free and never buy one.  There is just no excuse for not getting busy to some exercise dvds.

Lastly, think about gym class.  Remember all the good old fashioned exercises we used to do in school?  Sit ups, crunches, push ups, arm circles, leg lunges, side bends… they all still work!  We just one day decided we were too fancy for them and had to get all complicated with exercise bands, balls, and “routines”.  Just turn on some music and go crazy.  Guess what!  You’re getting a workout!

I predict that, considering America is collectively pinching pennies right now, fitness at home, simplified workouts & back to basics exercise moves are going to be the latest trend.  Let’s all get a jump start right now!

Well I am definitely going out of my comfort zone here.  I am a money spender, not a saver.  I am young I plan to live forever and take care of my family. Why spend hundreds of dollars a month on life insurance?

I am turning 40 in December.  That’s not really that young.  I am excited for the “wisdom”, “patience”, and “simplicity” that I have always imagined 40 would bring me, but if I am embracing it, I have to also embrace the fact that I AM aging.

This new decade that is in my horizon, along with this monumental election and tough economy have turned me into a different kind of person.  I opened a new savings account with a credit union this week and hope to one day make a deposit into it. (baby steps!) :-)  I no longer consider “frugal” to be a “f” word.  And this year while Hubby is gone hunting, instead of picking a large project to do do in the house I am cleaning out the basement and getting rid of HALF of the clutter.  I’ll show you pictures.  I am also diving into our family finances.

If something happened to either my Hubby or myself, the other would have a hard time sorting out what bills and assets have been left behind. Neither of us is savvy when it comes to insurance so it is my goal to gather info and have some scenarios in hand when the Great Hunter returns.

How does a person know how to start a big project like that that is so far out of her area of expterise?  She googles, of course!  Then looks up Suze Orman clips on You Tube.  I learned from Suze that life insurance was never intended to be a permanent part of your portfolio!  It was meant for protection when you are young before your retirement and other assets kick in later in life.  But insurance companies will advise you to buy all sorts of things that you don’t need, that waste your money that you could be investing in your retirement. I’m going to attach the short clip that got my attention and gave me some direction. Basically Suze said to avoid hundreds of dollars a month spent on whole life insurance because you will get your best life insurance rates and the best use of your money by buying only term life insurance plans.

As important as all this financial stuff is, I don’t want to leave on such a serious tone.  So in addition to the Suze Orman clip I am going to find a SNL SPOOF of Suze.  Kristen Wii’s recurring Orman character is one of my favorite bits!

To summarize… Simplify. Laugh. Invest.