Spending Time with Daughter

My Sari is having trouble at school again. She’s 10, she’s ahead of the curve in so many ways that I forget how young she and innocent she really is.  And that she still needs many hugs.

She dropped a “b” bomb at school a couple weeks ago. “Kaylie is a bitch.”  That’s what she said to another girl. It got back to Kaylie who really IS a bitch, who reported it to the teacher. Not a big deal was made out of it because Kaylie and Sari have been at each other since 1st grade.  But that week my angel Sari used the “b word” again.  This time to no one in particular, using her Nintendo dsi, broadcast out too everyone within range on the way to a field trip. One day suspension she got from that.

Troubles have continued since then with Kaylie stealing away Sari’s best friend. Then stealing away the next friend that Sari started hanging out with.  Now she roams the black top alone at recess, is black balled at the lunch table, and excuses herself to the bathroom to weep a little bit so no one sees how sad she is that she suddenly has no bff or the possibility of getting one because as soon as she does, the mean girls will steal her away.

Oh boy! So we went out for some girl time this weekend. Dinner, shopping, book store and chit chat.  I left her in the kids area for a bit while I looked in the gift area  at a digital frame to showcase my family.  I perused PHILOSOPHY, WOMEN’S INTERESTS, LITERATURE, and HEALTH.  When my kids are not “thriving” I feel like I am failing somewhere. Like I’m not smart enough. Not taking things seriously enough. Not focusing enough on my family. Nothing felt right.  But then Sari came running to where I stood with Ayn Rand in one hand and Nanny Jo in the other.  She said so excitedly, “I found just what you’re looking for Ma!”

I looked at what she was holding up and nodded. Yep, she was right. I realized how in tune my daughter and I are and that we are all going to be okay. We walked hand in hand to the counter to pay for our books. She - Allie Finkle and Pokemon, I - the John Mayer issue of Rolling Stone.

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Most everyone has someone they can turn to for advice, assistance, words of wisdom, etc.  That pool of support is so valuable. Yet I find myself constantly searching out answers to all my problems online, rather than picking up the phone. I wonder why.

For one thing, I find the telephone exhausting. Unless the timing is just right and my hands and mind are free of all other tasks, the phone causes me anxiety. Just thinking about the phone causes anxiety.  I might want to look deeper into that. But there’s more…

I hate to bother people with my tiny problems.  If I called Mama Mar or Nanette every time I had a question, they would surely put each each other on speed dial and set up their own support line for how to deal with me.

The biggest factor, though, is simply convenience. From mesothelioma cancer to birthday party ideas for kids - everything I need to know is waiting for me at any hour of the day (and night)!  The day is often so GO-GO-GO that it isn’t until late at night, when things quiet down, that all my questions pop up and ideas start to flourish. It’s too late to dial out but the internet is wide awake and beckoning.  Let the research begin!

My secret research is kids. My kids do the weirdest things and I love having an anonymous place to look things up and be assured that we are normal. Ha! To a point, anyway. Oh! And recipes! When my cooking inspiration is on the fritz, the web always gives me fresh ideas. What do you rely on the internet for?

Over the months you and I have discussed how the economy has affected us in different ways.  Some good and some bad.  Here is a sad one I was thinking about today.   I have hated seeing local businesses close their doors. Big and small businesses alike.   The closing of the tuxedo shop that’s been there for 25 years was sad in one way and losting the 5 year old Krispy Kreme was sad in another.  Whether saying goodbye to a neighborhood staple or seeing a national chain turn and run, it feels bad. It hurts a little.  What will become of the mom and pops that served the community for decades?  And how can we rebuild if big businesses give up on us?  It may have hit us here in Flint, Michigan first but I’m sure it has made its way across the country to places that once thrived and like us are fighting to do so again.

Have you sadly watched a local business close its doors? What has changed in your community?

My husband told me that his windshield was struck by a pebble on the highway and that a small star burst was formed.  I said, “Thank stinks! I’m sorry.” Of course he knew it needed to be fixed right away. He didn’t need me to tell him that.

When hubs got home he showed me the chip in his window.  It wasn’t fixed yet. I told him with the weather getting colder the chip was likely to spread and that he should get it fixed right away.

Two days later we were out Xmas shopping and the chip still was not fixed. I said, “Let’s try and find one of those guys in a parking lot that fixes small cracks on the spot while you wait.”

The day after Xmas the chip spread straight across the Dodge Ram’s windshield.  I didn’t say a word.

I called for an insurance quote to replace the glass and they said there would be a one hundred dollar deductible.  My husband said, “I told you we should have gotten that fixed right away!”

My laptop is not wireless and it needs to be.  What is the point of having a wireless in this day and age and NOT be wireless, I ask.  This computer is only about five years old… it’s not that the technology wasn’t available. But it might have been new. Or I was too cheap. Probably a combination of both that made me decide on the conservative side that the extra expense just wasn’t worth it to me.

Well now it is and I have been looking around. I grabbed a wireless card for my current laptop on my way out of town for a social networking seminar. Unfortunately, the card didn’t work so I was unplugged for the whole convention. When I got back I began researching wireless options with new laptops.  I stumbled upon the Acer Aspire and have really had to work hard not to buy it.  I’ll look into it after the holidays, but for now, too many holiday expenses to go laptop shopping, know what I mean?

I know lots of people are buying BIG when it comes to laptops right now. Big monitors and such. But I am into the smaller netbooks.  The size is much more convenient for travel and since I depend on my car and coffee shops to be my office away from home, I need to consider the compact design for saving space.

But since the biggest thing I need to consider at the moment is my budget, I’ll have to suffer through for a little longer, locked in my basement, trying to be creative, bound to a laptop with cords.  I’m not complaining though.  I could be trapped with NO laptop and NO internet. Then I’m afraid life wouldn’t even be worth living!

“Shopping for my kids” and “on a budget” are two of the crappiest phrases I can put together. I am not very good at doing it, and I know I spend too much, but it’s not really something I am willing to change. But I am willing and determined to give it more thought, make more sense, and not be wasteful. As a result, we are trying something new this year.

First of all, last year, we slashed our spending almost in half. Wait, no, first of all, my kids are 10 and 14 but this is only our 7th Christmas together.  The first one we spent WAY too much because we had just adopted them and they didn’t really have much PLUS we simply couldn’t control ourselves. So we can’t count that one. The second Christmas together I was hopped up on vicadin and confined to the couch. Over spending was done for many reasons - I was miserable and guilt ridden for not being able to play with them and hold them, we had pressure to live up to the first year and they still were a little needy, I was literally stoned and it was so easy to click and buy on Amazon.com from my place of bored imprisonment on the couch. So that year doesn’t count either. Now we’re down to three Christmases of over spending due to stupidity, one spending slashed one, and the upcoming one with the new strategy.  Sounds better when I break it down like that. Well it does!

Anyway, I am gift giver. I love it. I love making baskets and doing themes and elaborate presentations. I actually have formulas for putting gifts together.  This can be costly and wasteful.  Many things that satisfied the criteria of my kid’s Christmas presentations were things that were never ever touched! And there has always been “fluff” to create a magical appearance under the tree. The picture above is of LAST year.  The year we cut the spending in half. Imagine what DOUBLE that looked like.

So this year, they are getting ONE big gift each. I’ll shop for the best buy on a Nintendo DSI and and Ipod Touch. They both love reading and wish daily for big “juicy” new books to read. So we’ll spend a big chunk of cash there - creates excitement upon opening, keeps giving, and actually is good for them. Color me happy! We’ll spend a little replenishing art & hobby supplies but will not bring into their lives any new hobbies or trends. They are fulfilled already. And the “fluff” to create a magical appearance under the tree will be pjs, boots, and winter supplies. Luckily, they enjoy receiving those things as well, and we have to buy them anyway, so WIN WIN as I see it.

So that’s it! That’s the plan. Whether or not I can stick to it remains to be seen, but with much less in the bank to work on it and the agreement not to use credit cards, I don’t really have a lot of choice in the matter. How about you? What’s your strategy for saving money for this holiday season?  What’s the big gift on your kid’s list?

I am a stone cold bitch when it comes to decorating my Christmas tree. At least I have been up until now. It is not easy to admit that because Christmas and holiday decorating are supposed to conjure up images of comfort and joy, not a mad woman barking instructions and rolling her eyes. “Too high! Too low! Too similar! Take it down, do it over, take a time out if your heart’s not in it!”  This year was different, though. This was the year I decided to give up control of the Christmas tree.

My  big beautiful silver & blue tree of my dreams is one of the few things I have managed to remain in control of since becoming a parent so perfect ornament placement is just one of the reasons I struggled with letting go.  Also, my house is not very big, but as I mentioned, my tree is! So I always have this fear that if the tree is a Charlie Brown mess, the whole house will take on a sad, ugly, Charlie Brown quality. I didn’t say it was a rational fear.

There are storage solutions and space savers available to us such as plasma mounts, shelving units, and under the counter numbers, to make more space, but seriously, this tree takes up the whole room.

It is only now that I sit down to write this that have taken the time to think about why it was so easy to let go this year: I think I have realized that life is stressful enough right now. Hopefully I am learning a “don’t sweat the small stuff” lesson in general, but this year in particular has been difficult for people, and me for sure. I am not really excited about Christmas - so much on my mind and so little in the bank has crowded out the holiday spirit that’s trying to tickle me and make me smile.  So as we dragged up the decorations from the basement and I felt the stress mounting, I poured a glass of wine and told the kids to have at it. You know what? It’s more beautiful than ever.

Don’t get me wrong, we still have basic rules about how to space out the spinners and what kind of bulbs go on them, and I was still in charge of the strategic placement of a few key pieces.  It’s still my tree dammit, and I wanted to be able to enjoy it even after the Lambrusco buzz wore off.  Most importantly, all the “special” ornaments, i.e. off color scheme gifts, homemade & those otherwise not meeting top branch criteria, are to be placed on the back of the tree where they can be protected and privately enjoyed by the family.  Win-win.

I caught a report today talking about how December 25, 26, and January 1st are the biggest days for heart attacks and I plainly see why. From the money spent, stress of visiting family to outdoor lights and Christmas tree decorations, this things are supposed to be anticipated with joy and warm our hearts, not break them! How did we get here?  second thought: How do we fix it?

When I first heard the term “staycation” earlier this year I thought it was lame.  I know it was supposed to put a positive spin on the fact that many of us could not afford vacations this year, but to me it just represented the poor economy and individual hard times being felt across the country. I am feeling a little different about it today.

Since I work from home most of the time, I feel like I am “at the office” all the time.  Even if there is nothing pressing to do, I see the computer… I feel the work vibe… which interferes with the relaxation vibe.  In addition to that, my phone rings constantly. My freelance writing is pretty much done only in the morning and late at night after everyone’s in bed.  But my real estate job has no hours and is attached to my cell phone, which is my home phone.  There is no separation. The phone rings from 7am past 10pm.  Even when I know the caller doesn’t need or expect a return call right that minute, I know I owe one and that also cuts into the relaxation vibe.

So when I first heard about people taking staycations it sounded like the stupidest thing in the world.  Although I could easily move my freelance writing and real estate office downstairs, freeing up the house from any work type energy, I couldn’t stop my phone from ringing. Or the mail from coming with bills. Or people needing me. Or stopping by. Even if no one did call or stop by there is always the possibility that they might which would make it impossible to completely relax and get away from it all.  Even though we were not able to take a vacation this year, no, I was not tempted to look into this staycation business.

I will amend that to say that I thought a lot about what a nice vacation it would be for me to stay home by myself for a week while everyone else went out away.  Not that I don’t enjoy them home, but because the summer was long with the kids home from school and hubby laid off work.  And everybody was HOME.  My work was interrupted, by home cleaning/organizing/projects were interrupted.  I still feel overwhelmed by all the unfinished projects and things that never even got started.

So now I am realizing that the “staying home” part of the staycation is not such a bad thing.  I already realize the home maintenance benefits of being able to send the family away and focus all my energies on the house for a week.  But couldn’t I also send everything else away and focus all my energies on my family for a week, just as if we WERE out of town?

We love our orlando vacations, but it isn’t Seaworld or the fun of hotel living with no bedtimes that is life changing.  It’s the BEING TOGETHER.

Experts tell us, and we know from experience, that we need breaks.  Vacations are not a “spoil” or something to feel bad about needing/taking.  Vacations refresh us from the challenges and every day hard work of life.  They give us a much needed break from the bills and responsibilities.  Vacations give us the strength to start over fresh and strong and are able to keep going and exceed our own goals and expectations.

So how do you get that feeling of renewal and getting re-energized while staying at home?  I am not sure because I think it will be different for everyone.  For us it would be to first set a budget, just like a vacation, so that we don’t feel guilty about spending on a fancy night out at home.  Then we’d have to move everything work and office related to the basement, putting a hold on the mail at the post office, and notifiying friends/family/work & associates that we are on vacation and not to call/come over.  Then plan activities ahead. A dinner at a favorite place, a play, big night at the movies… whatever the budget can accommodate.   And also plan things at home.  Game nights, sleeping in, family project, movie marathon, Wii tournaments, whatever.  The important thing is to only focus on one another.  No phone calls, no funny texts to forward, no mowing the lawn, etc.  Just each other.

It seems like our household has been in a state of hostility/impatience for a while now.  We could all use fun and relief and the house could use the cleansing.  I’m excited suddenly and wonder if we can pull it off?  Has anyone really tried it?  Or did we all just use the term “staycation” as a funny way to say we had to skip the family trip this year?

This is a train of thought from my own little mind today, there is no medical basis or research that I have pursued to support it whatsoever.  It has to do with dieting during cold and flu season.

It’s a common joke people make. “I lost 6 pounds since I had the flu. Yay! I need to get sick more often!”  I have made that comment myself, and maybe AFTERWARD there is some truth to my words, but I know that DURING the illness, especially the miserable sick feeling that accompanies the never ending vomiting, my mind set is more like, “Please make it stop! I’ll absorb 20 pounds straight to my ass if you will just please for the love of God make. it. stop.”

I don’t think I have ever heard the topic flip flopped though. I have heard people say they feel like they get sick more often when dieting, but not so much, “Dieting gave me the flu.”  No, that doesn’t even make sense, right? Or does it?

First of all, “Diet” is a weird word. It has a bad connotation.  A lot of times people don’t want to admit they are on a diet. You may want your kids to be more active and trim some fat but you don’t want it to be said that you put them on a “diet”.  But diet really just means whatever it is that you eat.  A diet can consist of salad and cottage cheese or it could consist of pizza and beer. It does not necessarily go hand in hand with an attempt at weight loss.

How this relates to my cold/flu & weight loss ramblings today is although it may not immediately occur to you that trying to lose weight could increase your risk of getting sick during cold and flu season, it is actually health 101.  So basic we kind of forget about it.  Here’s what I’m thinking.

You are very likely to come into contact with contagious sick germs, right?  And the stronger and healthier your body is to begin with dictates your likelihood of getting sick.  So naturally if you are practicing some sort of starvation diet, your body, although it may be getting skinnier, is not going to be at its peak health to fight those germ bugs off.  You already know that starvation diets are unhealthy and ultimately result in weight gain.  Well also by not eating a balanced diet, or not eating at all, you are robbing your body of antioxidants and vitamins that good fresh food provides. This poor nutritional quality of diet will make your body very weak, increasing your susceptibility to all the bugs you come into contact with during the cold and flu season.

Now this is not to say that you cannot attempt to improve your level of health and fitness, and lose weight during the winter months. Increase your activity and decrease your food intake! Go for it! But make sure you are eating ENOUGH and that you are loading up good healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. With this “diet” you can lose some weight, get healthy, AND build a stronger body to carry you through to Spring.

In summary, I declare there is truth to the notion that trying to lose weight during the cold and flu season can make you sick.  What do you think?

Did you get a chance to see Extreme Home Makeover this weekend? I think this week, The Hill Family, might have been my favorite house. I always love the stories and the families, and the Hill Family was no exception. But the appearance really appealed to me this week.

We have watched some magnificent houses being built on this show, haven’t we? I am mostly drawn to the sprawling ranches with the peaks and stone and huge windows. You know, the progressive stuff. But this week a little calm washed over me when the bus pulled away and revealed the grand two story waiting to be toured. The house, for me, was the perfect blend of old style and contemporary. I could see their big ol’ family gathering and welcoming friends and family into their home, creating new memories and continuing to give back and enrich the lives of others.

The inside was a little more modern than the outside, but still very warm and inviting. The colors outside and in are so tranquil and that dining room table was really special. The lower level, dedicated to the teenage boys was amazing but a little flashy for me. I will say that I loved that flashy wall game. There always has to be something breath taking and one of a kind, doesn’t there?

I would love to have my house redone, who wouldn’t, right? Someone needs to produce a show to help home owners who are not quite in as desperate situations as the Extreme Home Makeover people. People whose maintenance is BECOMING overwhelming but they haven’t quite lost it yet. Those would require smaller budgets and would maybe save a lot of people from going into those dire straits. Or maybe folks with special needs that don’t need a whole rebuild, maybe just some specializing to meet their wants/needs, like walk in tubs, finished basement with playroom and privacy for growing family, new windows and a roof… whatever the case may be. Think something in scale between QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY and EXTREME HOME MAKE OVER. That’d be cool.

For my make over I don’t think I want anything elaborate. Maybe some more windows put in where the builder skimped, um… finished basement with laundry room, office & play area. OH! And a fancy multi head shower! That would be my luxury splurge. How about you?

Here’s a tour of the Hill House if you would like to see it.